Newbie in relationship with Crack Addict
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sebastion
Posts: 41
I remember when
I too fell in the trap of a crack addict. It lasted 4 years. It was on again off again, pain, jail, losers, lost money, lost jewelery, lost homes, lost all my self esteem. Hurt my son, and here it is 4 years later and he is still an active crack addict. I actually saw him the other day he called me to show me his new teeth. I have to tell you it was weird looking at his fake smile. That is just what it was fake. His skin onhis face was horrible and he would not take of his dark sunglasses. It was the last time I hope I ever hear from him again. I put myself through hell not really knowing why. Except for he was great when he was clean for a month or so. I had to keep constant tags on him. I lost myself and lived in his shadow of hopelessness and despair. I visited him in jail and prison and for what. He is still using and using anyone that walks in his path. It is a very tough life living with and living without a crack addict. I was not in a program at the time but taking medication and reading sel help books to no avail. I understand you love him and you need to do what you need to do. Just be careful, watch your money and be careful you do not get pregnant. Lots of luck is all I can offer you. Keep in touch with us. You are powerless over the addict
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 35
This thread was just what I needed to read today. I havent been on here for a while and I havent been to a meeting in a long time. I am now fully separated from my AH and have no more contact with him. There is soooooooooooo much wisdom in here and it is amazing that we have this support network. My AH too is "charismatic" and we had an amazing "connection". No amount of rehabs and chances have worked out for him so far and I have had to cut all contact with him. We have a 2 year old daughter and I believe I am doing the best thing I can for her. It is not easy but also very exciting as now I am really moving on. It is a process but you get there!!! Run now and run fast!:ghug
learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
This is exactly the words of wisdom I needed to find. I don't feel that it was just chance that I came to see new posts and this one was at the top of the list. I can relate to what everyone has said about how we felt that our addict was different. Wow thats exactly what I felt in the beginning when I found out with my ex-fiancee'. I can't tell you in words how grateful I am that he is my EX and was only my FIANCEE' and that he didn't marry me. At the time I was pushing for an early wedding and he balked. I was SO hurt because he had been clean almost a year and we were doing so well. I didn't understand why life wouldn't let me "be happy". Right after that he relapsed and has done nothing but quack quack quack and cause me so much heartache. I'm doing No Contact now and have moved two hours away.
Thank you so much for this topic. I have learned a lot and it has really solidified my decision to stay the hell away!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for this topic. I have learned a lot and it has really solidified my decision to stay the hell away!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am sorry i am late on this. i just want to welcome u to S.R. there is not alot i can add to what u have recieved. work your recovery, read all u can about crack addicts & keep coming back here. my son is a crack addict & he has put himself & his family thru h*LL.
some never get clean. let me know how u r & how he is doing. you can not love this guy clean. if that were possible none of us would b here. prayers for u both,
some never get clean. let me know how u r & how he is doing. you can not love this guy clean. if that were possible none of us would b here. prayers for u both,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 23
Welcome to S.R.
My RAH drug of choice was crack. I went to h*ll and back. He has now been clean for nearly 3 years. However, I can tell you that if I could turn back time I would have taken a different decision. I spent way too many night caring for someone which only true mistress was crack. My daughter did suffer tremendously from her dad antics and addiction. She is 5 now and the wounds are still not healed properly. Deep in her eyes, you can see that she had to grow up faster then she should have. She kept me sane, but still today she feels responsible for my happiness. That should never happen.
My RAH stopped using when I was pregnant with my son. My son never knew addiction. He his such an innocent child, so refreshing.
It's still not always easy. It's not because an addict stop using that they won't develop other addiction. RAH plays quite many hours a WOW. There is also the trust, I could never trust him the way I used before all of this. Even if I forgave what he did to me, I still struggle to forget.
I really wish you the best!
My RAH drug of choice was crack. I went to h*ll and back. He has now been clean for nearly 3 years. However, I can tell you that if I could turn back time I would have taken a different decision. I spent way too many night caring for someone which only true mistress was crack. My daughter did suffer tremendously from her dad antics and addiction. She is 5 now and the wounds are still not healed properly. Deep in her eyes, you can see that she had to grow up faster then she should have. She kept me sane, but still today she feels responsible for my happiness. That should never happen.
My RAH stopped using when I was pregnant with my son. My son never knew addiction. He his such an innocent child, so refreshing.
It's still not always easy. It's not because an addict stop using that they won't develop other addiction. RAH plays quite many hours a WOW. There is also the trust, I could never trust him the way I used before all of this. Even if I forgave what he did to me, I still struggle to forget.
I really wish you the best!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 85
Hi Sweetie,
I was in a similar situation as you, with the initial disappearing and all. He is my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, class of 1980, first lover, prom date, etc. We went separate ways after high school (with lots of drama in both our lives in between). I got married to someone else for 11.5 years, divorced, and reunited with my ABF in 2002 after my divorce. He had the same infectious smile, personality, but I had no idea he was a full blown addict....so flash to now...nearly 8 years later. I have taken the "he will get better" roller coaster ride this long. It took me this long to finally see that "if nothing changes.."nothing changes". I am still recovering from being addicted to the relationship. I have learned a lot and made great strides..especially being with this support site.
It's not for me to decide because every situation is different, but I encourage you not to wait as long as I did...yes it has taken somewhat of a toll on my self esteem, family relationships, etc.
Love and Peace To You,
GG
I was in a similar situation as you, with the initial disappearing and all. He is my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, class of 1980, first lover, prom date, etc. We went separate ways after high school (with lots of drama in both our lives in between). I got married to someone else for 11.5 years, divorced, and reunited with my ABF in 2002 after my divorce. He had the same infectious smile, personality, but I had no idea he was a full blown addict....so flash to now...nearly 8 years later. I have taken the "he will get better" roller coaster ride this long. It took me this long to finally see that "if nothing changes.."nothing changes". I am still recovering from being addicted to the relationship. I have learned a lot and made great strides..especially being with this support site.
It's not for me to decide because every situation is different, but I encourage you not to wait as long as I did...yes it has taken somewhat of a toll on my self esteem, family relationships, etc.
Love and Peace To You,
GG
very enlightening I hope.
learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Thank you to everyone (old and new posts) for all the crack-specific info here. Although addiction is addiction, it seems that crack has a unique effect on the individuals that get wrapped in it. I feel like whenever I hear stories from women or men regarding their experiences with loving a crack addict (child, spouse, etc.) it sinks in deeper for me because I can't deny it then. I can't shake it off and say well that's a different drug than my exabf was using. If anyone has anything they want to add or share-tough love or just their experience I really want to encourage everyone to do so. I have added this post to my favorites list and read thru the entire thread everytime I'm feeling weak and doubting my decision.
Thanks again to everyone who has contributed. Such a wonderful resource.
Love,
Holly
Thanks again to everyone who has contributed. Such a wonderful resource.
Love,
Holly
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tarpon springs, fl
Posts: 4
I joined this site just to reply.....RUN RUN RUN!!! listine to Winnie12 they are all right!! just ended a 21yr live in relationship we have 18yr old son, hes smoked crack since 18 ended in prison came out met me clean for yrs, cocaine here and there I didn't know about then when my son was 7-8yrs old he started using again ended in prison, my son was devastated, I was devastated, came out I waited, yes I was a fool! got together since 2005 past 7yrs crazy gone all night anything I say set him off out the door smokn crack again...read about it most addictive drug around. we finally split for good 21yrs do you realize how painful this is for me and he just goes off to his crack pipe! doesn't even care Please run.....you are better than that I am better than that btw Im drug free always have been
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tarpon springs, fl
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Godsgirl 
Hi Sweetie,
I was in a similar situation as you, with the initial disappearing and all. He is my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, class of 1980, first lover, prom date, etc. We went separate ways after high school (with lots of drama in both our lives in between). I got married to someone else for 11.5 years, divorced, and reunited with my ABF in 2002 after my divorce. He had the same infectious smile, personality, but I had no idea he was a full blown addict....so flash to now...nearly 8 years later. I have taken the "he will get better" roller coaster ride this long. It took me this long to finally see that "if nothing changes.."nothing changes". I am still recovering from being addicted to the relationship. I have learned a lot and made great strides..especially being with this support site.
It's not for me to decide because every situation is different, but I encourage you not to wait as long as I did...yes it has taken somewhat of a toll on my self esteem, family relationships, etc.
Love and Peace To You,
GG
I was in a similar situation as you, with the initial disappearing and all. He is my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, class of 1980, first lover, prom date, etc. We went separate ways after high school (with lots of drama in both our lives in between). I got married to someone else for 11.5 years, divorced, and reunited with my ABF in 2002 after my divorce. He had the same infectious smile, personality, but I had no idea he was a full blown addict....so flash to now...nearly 8 years later. I have taken the "he will get better" roller coaster ride this long. It took me this long to finally see that "if nothing changes.."nothing changes". I am still recovering from being addicted to the relationship. I have learned a lot and made great strides..especially being with this support site.
It's not for me to decide because every situation is different, but I encourage you not to wait as long as I did...yes it has taken somewhat of a toll on my self esteem, family relationships, etc.
Love and Peace To You,
GG
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
A relationship with a crack addict is a journey into hell.
Love and light,
YG
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tarpon springs, fl
Posts: 4
do u live together? i just feel the pain of the breakup and cant/wont contact him and after 21yrs i don't get how he just walks away for drugs. i could notlive with him anymore tho its very difficult hes up all nite i work all day hes paranoid drove me insane...and hes "fine"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tarpon springs, fl
Posts: 4
ahh just read your posts... are u still living w/him? very hard to leave took 21yrs and left with nothing we had nothing, im still in a lot of pain and its been 3mos that is why i came here and im learning a lot.....bottom line they will always choose the drugs
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