New here...hello.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
HeroinWidow,
what a heart breaking story, but at the same time, so inspiring! To see your strength and wisdom gives hope to me and to us all. My addict is my 18 year old son, and as far as I know it hasn't gone to coke or heroin yet, but who knows?
What I wanted to say is that the honesty is so important. Because when we become vulnerable and share our pain with others, it helps us by letting go of our need to put on a false front. Then when we share our pain, others feel more comfortable sharing theirs as well.
It's ironic that in opening up our pain to others that we begin the healing process for ourself. We all have held our addict's secrets at one time or another. But that is why we come here. No masks, no pretending. Take care of yourself. You have been through a lot.
krhea
what a heart breaking story, but at the same time, so inspiring! To see your strength and wisdom gives hope to me and to us all. My addict is my 18 year old son, and as far as I know it hasn't gone to coke or heroin yet, but who knows?
What I wanted to say is that the honesty is so important. Because when we become vulnerable and share our pain with others, it helps us by letting go of our need to put on a false front. Then when we share our pain, others feel more comfortable sharing theirs as well.
It's ironic that in opening up our pain to others that we begin the healing process for ourself. We all have held our addict's secrets at one time or another. But that is why we come here. No masks, no pretending. Take care of yourself. You have been through a lot.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: australia
Posts: 26
Oh you are all such amazing people!My father died when I was nine from heroin od.When I was 18 I was with the man of my dreams,a fairy tale roance buying a house then I fell pregnant,we were blown away as he was told he would never have a child and here we were!So we decided to keep the baby because what if this was his only chance at having a child?Before we met I knew he had used herion before but when we got together I knew he hadn't used for a long time so thought all was good!How young and silly was I ,4 weeks before my due date I was at our home putting baby clothes away in the nursery we had finished the night before when my mum and brother turned up to say my man had died in a car accident,syringe poking out of his pocket veins full of heroin.
I too am going to tell our daughter aboutt her fathers addiction when I feel she is ready,they are such innocent little bystanders in this demonic hell of addiction.
I too am going to tell our daughter aboutt her fathers addiction when I feel she is ready,they are such innocent little bystanders in this demonic hell of addiction.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Welcome Heroinwidow,
I just want to say hello, and i'm sorry to hear you lost your husband, and the daddy to those precious children, to such a terrible aweful drug.
I pray you and the children can recover from such a traumatic loss.
I believe I am somewhat speechless, almost went numb reading your story, because this was one of my worst fears.
(I remember dreaming I saw AH in a coffin, I was standing next to it).
Bless you for arriving here.
NH7
I just want to say hello, and i'm sorry to hear you lost your husband, and the daddy to those precious children, to such a terrible aweful drug.
I pray you and the children can recover from such a traumatic loss.
I believe I am somewhat speechless, almost went numb reading your story, because this was one of my worst fears.
(I remember dreaming I saw AH in a coffin, I was standing next to it).
Bless you for arriving here.
NH7
Last edited by NeedingHelp7; 01-17-2009 at 08:10 PM.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
(((HeroinWidow)))
Welcome to SR. You will find a great deal of support and help here!
Please accept my deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband and father of your two amazing children.
You have so much to deal with right now. Just remember that not all decisions have to be made today. Take things one step at a time. Addiction is a disease that isolates not only the addict but the addicts family.
May your coming days and weeks become calmer and easier bit by bit!
Hugs and prayers, HG
Welcome to SR. You will find a great deal of support and help here!
Please accept my deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband and father of your two amazing children.
You have so much to deal with right now. Just remember that not all decisions have to be made today. Take things one step at a time. Addiction is a disease that isolates not only the addict but the addicts family.
May your coming days and weeks become calmer and easier bit by bit!
Hugs and prayers, HG
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 70
Wow, I'm so sorry.
I can understand the feelings. I just found out about my husband using heroin on the 26th of December...I caught him shooting in the basement. I kicked him out (I have a 5 year old and a 15 month old with him) I Didn't know.
I also only told my mother. His parents know and that is it. It's hard to keep the secret. Everyone wonders why we split. They all say whatever it is it cant be that bad...
I've been told not to say anything as it may affect the children if it is made public.
(as in no other parents will want to have play dates with my son in 'case the addict father is there to visit or somehting"....)
There is a lot of Shame.
You sadly remind me the worst possible outcome. He is trying to stay sober for now.
I hope he does...
I can understand the feelings. I just found out about my husband using heroin on the 26th of December...I caught him shooting in the basement. I kicked him out (I have a 5 year old and a 15 month old with him) I Didn't know.
I also only told my mother. His parents know and that is it. It's hard to keep the secret. Everyone wonders why we split. They all say whatever it is it cant be that bad...
I've been told not to say anything as it may affect the children if it is made public.
(as in no other parents will want to have play dates with my son in 'case the addict father is there to visit or somehting"....)
There is a lot of Shame.
You sadly remind me the worst possible outcome. He is trying to stay sober for now.
I hope he does...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 34
[QUOTE It is almost worse than death, because there can never be any closure. [/QUOTE]
I often feel like this as well and the guilt weighs heavily. I left my ABF after many attempts at rehabs and detoxes - chance after chance after chance. He was my fairytale prince when he was sober. I don't know how to mourn the loss of someone just towns away choosing to use, and cheat, and lie. I haven't heard from him in 6 months and it breaks my heart. I feel so guilty. How do I say goodbye when he's still here - just not really "here". Thank you for your words. I needed to hear them tonight
I often feel like this as well and the guilt weighs heavily. I left my ABF after many attempts at rehabs and detoxes - chance after chance after chance. He was my fairytale prince when he was sober. I don't know how to mourn the loss of someone just towns away choosing to use, and cheat, and lie. I haven't heard from him in 6 months and it breaks my heart. I feel so guilty. How do I say goodbye when he's still here - just not really "here". Thank you for your words. I needed to hear them tonight
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((HeroinWidow))))
I'm so glad you found us and so glad you have decided that joining this site will help in your own healing.
Your description of your life is similar to mine - good jobs, "perfect" lives for our kids, fairy tale house in the country. My daughter was an avid horsewoman - honor student, brillliant and sweet. But drugs, apparently do not descriminate. In July of 2005 a friend introduced her to snorting heroin. In December, she confessed it to me and struggled for 6 months trying to break free. She kept fighting, in and out of rehab, trying to get into a sober house, going to meetings. But she kept struggling with relapse. On July 14, 2006 she went back out. The packet she bought was tainted and she died, alone in her car in a fast food parking lot. She had just turned 20.
It is no secret how she died. We felt it important that others know that a dream environment and all the love in the world is no shield to addiction and we did not want her death to be in vein. I found that many, many people are impacted by this horrible disease. So many people have asked me not only if there is anything they can do, but also how they can help themselves. One of the greatest comforts I have is when I visit my daughter's grave site and see NA keychains left there - understanding that the sotry of her death has helped more than one addict to choose to live and seek the rooms of NA.
I have found my Naranon family group and SR to be a great source of healing for me. Here, I can share without judgement and work on myself.
I'm so sorry for the pain that you have been experiencing. I hope you will walk this journey with us and find the serenity that will help you with this loss. Many hugs and prayers for you and your family.
I'm so glad you found us and so glad you have decided that joining this site will help in your own healing.
Your description of your life is similar to mine - good jobs, "perfect" lives for our kids, fairy tale house in the country. My daughter was an avid horsewoman - honor student, brillliant and sweet. But drugs, apparently do not descriminate. In July of 2005 a friend introduced her to snorting heroin. In December, she confessed it to me and struggled for 6 months trying to break free. She kept fighting, in and out of rehab, trying to get into a sober house, going to meetings. But she kept struggling with relapse. On July 14, 2006 she went back out. The packet she bought was tainted and she died, alone in her car in a fast food parking lot. She had just turned 20.
It is no secret how she died. We felt it important that others know that a dream environment and all the love in the world is no shield to addiction and we did not want her death to be in vein. I found that many, many people are impacted by this horrible disease. So many people have asked me not only if there is anything they can do, but also how they can help themselves. One of the greatest comforts I have is when I visit my daughter's grave site and see NA keychains left there - understanding that the sotry of her death has helped more than one addict to choose to live and seek the rooms of NA.
I have found my Naranon family group and SR to be a great source of healing for me. Here, I can share without judgement and work on myself.
I'm so sorry for the pain that you have been experiencing. I hope you will walk this journey with us and find the serenity that will help you with this loss. Many hugs and prayers for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Westland, Pennsylvania
Posts: 247
Hello and Welcome to Sr. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son to herion 11-19-08 and it has been very hard for me. I keep thinking about this drug herion what a hold it gets on a person. My son tried a few times to get off this evil drug but failed. Its get a death grip on their soul and a lot of times kills our loved ones. I didn't know until I came here to SR that so many people have this problem and if your or my story can save just one person from the death of herion it would be good. Hang in their I will pray for you and your chrildren.
Love ya,
Maggie:praying
Love ya,
Maggie:praying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 24
GreeteachDay and Maggie,
I am so sorry for you losses. It breaks my heart for both of you.. Thank you for your words, your prayers and your understanding. It inspires me to see you here, as it does each of you.
Thank you.
I am so sorry for you losses. It breaks my heart for both of you.. Thank you for your words, your prayers and your understanding. It inspires me to see you here, as it does each of you.
Thank you.
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