lilmami

hi me again!i am feeling really confused and empty at the moment.My partner went to detox nearly 2 weeks ago,wasn't going to rehab just detox.Anyway on Wednesday this week I got a text from his mother saying she spoke to him that morning and he is going to rehab for three months and will call me soon!I am kind of hurt he didn't call and tell me himself-is that selfish?Now I am watching my phone 24/7 waiting for his call!I am stoked that he has decided to do this but is it wrong that I feel hurt his mum told me not him?

Ann

I think I might feel hurt too, and I might wonder if his actions will follow his words. He may be sincere and maybe he just talked to her about the same time as he made his decision. Or maybe he is waiting to tell you until arrangements have been made. Who knows why he told her first, but at least his talk/thoughts are heading in a better direction.

Should he choose to go to rehab and go, it is a good thing that just may help him not only stop using drugs but also learn how to deal with life on life's terms and find a better way of living.

This might be a good time for you to find your own meetings and work on your recovery, to help you keep your balance along the way, no matter how his recovery comes along.

Hugs

greeteachday

I don't think it is selfish to feel as you feel. There isn't a thing you can do to change that he didn't tell you, just his mom, but feeling the hurt seems normal to me.

I'm sure his world is confusing to him right now as he starts to be less numb and learn how to adjust to feeling things and making decisions. When I was dealing with that early time, I tried to identify my feelings, share with someone who could understand (often posts here or shares at a Naranon meeting) and then wait and see how things unfolded. By expressing my feelings in a safe place, I was able to focus on me and let my addicted loved one focus on recovery.

I hope his actions will follow his words and he will continue on the path of recovery. And as Ann said, hope you will take this chance to explore your own journey of recovery. Hugs

Seren

It is good news that he has decided to go to rehab....now....it's time to work on you. Your own recovery is so important, you deserve it for your own peace of mind and happiness.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

Hugs and prayers, HG

URMYEVERYTHING

I agree with hydro. You will worry yourself sick about his situation. If he wants to contact you he will by writing if they can't use the phones. Take one day at a time. Eventually, you will be at a place where you can go 2 weeks without him even crossing your mind. I'm in the same situation as you, however, I do not wait by the phone. If he calls, he calls. I have found other ways to enjoy MYSELF!!

littlebird77

I understand how you feel, I would feel the same way. In my situation, I would think he is ashamed of what he has done. I know right now my ABF is in a jail recovering and he is constantly telling me how much shame he feels... I feel shame too for the way I acted when he was high, and I am embarrassed to admit it as well.

lilmami

Thanks everyone I know it's a good thing,he left straight from detox into rehab.Are they allowed to use phones?I'm not an addict myself however I grew up with a da dad and a lot of my dads family are addicts too so I have a lot of oatience and understanding.I know he is ashamed as he has told me he can't believe after 5 years clean he used three times in a matter of two days!!I think its good he has decided to go to rehab,his dad tried to tell him it was only 3 times and that he could do it himself.I guess I just hope as well as sorting himself he is thinking of me too

marle

That is a really good thing that he decided so quickly to deal with his relapse. It could have taken him years of using to decide that. I believe him not contacting you does have to do with the guilt and shame he is feeling right now. When my daughter was using she avoided me like the plague. Prayers that he will continue on the right path and that you will find peace with his and your decisions. Hugs, Marle

Freedom1990

We tend to borrow a lot of trouble and worry when we 'personalize' what the addict does/doesn't do.

Place him firmly in God's hands and work on healing yourself.

:ghug :ghug

lilmami

Thanks a lot i feel a bit dumb asking all these questions!I am not watching phone anymore though!if he wants to contact me he will.I am feeling good now but have these moment where it literally makes me physically ache to miss him is that dumb?It is such a relief to have this place to go for a refuge with people who understand what you are feeling and going through,all my friends say just leave him but it isn't as simple as that