Hi Eveyone....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hi Eveyone....
Some of you may not know me, but I have been here for a few years. Had an addict for a husband and since we have divorced. I have been seeing a man for the last few months, thought it was going well. Well I found out he had been seeing someone else as well. YOu can only imagine was a tail spin I went into. She didn't take it very well as she didn't know either, hates me beyond no end and him as well. He had the nerve to turn it on me and told me that I ruined a longtime friendship he had with her. It was no friendship he was having it was a relationship.
Should I have just shut my trap and not told her? I just thought she had the right to know.
Rose
Should I have just shut my trap and not told her? I just thought she had the right to know.
Rose
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi Rose. What's done is done. I hope you can let it go and not contact him again. Karma WILL get him. I'm a firm believer in it. Still, I'm sorry you had to go through that situation but at least you learned he was a liar before you were too far into the relationship.
I've pretty much given up on dating. Like someone said on this website, I have a broken picker.
I've pretty much given up on dating. Like someone said on this website, I have a broken picker.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
(((Rose))),
No, I don't think you did anything wrong. In time, I think the other woman will agree also. Both of you are just in the thick of it right now. Keep your chin up. You didn't do anything wrong--he did. I get pretty sick of guys who blame girls for all the bad stuff THEY do, Rose. You deserve better. He may come along some day, and now you are free for him if and when he does.
No, I don't think you did anything wrong. In time, I think the other woman will agree also. Both of you are just in the thick of it right now. Keep your chin up. You didn't do anything wrong--he did. I get pretty sick of guys who blame girls for all the bad stuff THEY do, Rose. You deserve better. He may come along some day, and now you are free for him if and when he does.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Yep, I'm the one, or at least one of the ones, who always refers to my picker as broken. It is--broken. Totalled maybe. I just got rid of a recovering addict who stayed unemployed from our second date on (at least I made sure he had a job when I first dated him, go me!) It only took me 2 months to get rid of this loser. The one before that? Three years. I guess it's progress, not perfection! I think I'm going to sit it out a few rounds, if ya know what I mean.
If it's any consolation, I think you did fine, Rose. I was on the other end of a similar situation a few years ago. A man was dating me and someone he told me was an ex. I called his house one night late and left a message. She called me the next day to cuss me out for calling "her boyfriend" that late at night. I told her "What do you mean? He's my boyfriend." She then wanted to meet up with me so we could "confront him together and make him choose between the two of us." I told her "No, Sweetie, thanks but you can have him all to yourself. You win that prize."
I wouldn't ever stay with a two-timer. I can't believe that there are women who don't want to know when their man is cheating on them, but I've learned since that there are women like that. Women who kind of know but don't want to know. Weird. Anyway, don't worry about it. You're well out of this one.
KJ
If it's any consolation, I think you did fine, Rose. I was on the other end of a similar situation a few years ago. A man was dating me and someone he told me was an ex. I called his house one night late and left a message. She called me the next day to cuss me out for calling "her boyfriend" that late at night. I told her "What do you mean? He's my boyfriend." She then wanted to meet up with me so we could "confront him together and make him choose between the two of us." I told her "No, Sweetie, thanks but you can have him all to yourself. You win that prize."
I wouldn't ever stay with a two-timer. I can't believe that there are women who don't want to know when their man is cheating on them, but I've learned since that there are women like that. Women who kind of know but don't want to know. Weird. Anyway, don't worry about it. You're well out of this one.
KJ
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
. you didn't do anything wrong, he was just a bad apple........two timing no good snake!
hugs honey.
hugs honey.
Big hugs Rose, the way I see it, it's like weeding a garden...some weeds are hard to tell from the flowers but when you yank 'em out, what's left is even better.
Welcome back hugs
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by rose
Should I have just shut my trap and not told her? I just thought she had the right to know
Her reaction is one of pain, confusing and fogginess... in time she will be glad you told her..
The both of you need to get tested.. if he has done it once then the chances are he has cheated before...
I'm sorry you are going through this.. I have been where you are and it's not fun...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: on top of the hill
Posts: 197
Oh, poor, poor him, YOU ruined his friendship??? ( or whatever ) You know what Rose? I think he did that all by himself. You did nothing wrong. Sounds like he wasn't the man you thought he was, boy can I relate to that one!!
Rose, I've watched your progress while you were here, I know you're a strong woman. Hang in there, I hope the right one comes along soon!
Rose, I've watched your progress while you were here, I know you're a strong woman. Hang in there, I hope the right one comes along soon!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
I have booked myself into see a theripy, the Dr. thinks I have harber feeligs. The outside looks good but the inside still hurts. He gave me a note to say off work for a month. My choice if I feel like going back before. Mom and Dad passed away, husband took off on crack, problems with the boy, just had to put my dog down and time is showing my other dog is failing too.
A man came along and made me happy...then broke me again...
Rose
A man came along and made me happy...then broke me again...
Rose
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm sorry Rose. I'm glad you are trying counseling. Part of my recovery has been learning to love myself (I won't even say again...I'm not sure i ever did) I always looked outward for happiness...Now I am learning it is an inside job. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Originally Posted by rose
A man came along and made me happy...then broke me again...
Rose
Rose
Love from
KJ:ghug3
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hiya Rose,
Long time no see! Glad you came back to visit.
And I'm glad to hear Mr. Two-Timer, (the creep) didn't pull the wool over your eyes.
He sounds quite defensive now that you're on to him...ha ha too bad, so sad..
Take some time off Rose, just for you.
Maybe your Therapist is right, maybe you still have some stuff you need to
work through. You've been through alot.
Give yourself some undivided attention.
Hugs and hugs...
Missed you....
Long time no see! Glad you came back to visit.
And I'm glad to hear Mr. Two-Timer, (the creep) didn't pull the wool over your eyes.
He sounds quite defensive now that you're on to him...ha ha too bad, so sad..
Take some time off Rose, just for you.
Maybe your Therapist is right, maybe you still have some stuff you need to
work through. You've been through alot.
Give yourself some undivided attention.
Hugs and hugs...
Missed you....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Rose,
Sorry to be coming in so late. You DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!!!
He did, he sounds like my ex H. Everyone knew mine was cheating but did not say anything to me, wish they did.
Listen to the dr, and take the time for you, you need some down time, You have been through so much. Find some fun things to read, and don't think about bad things, just good things.
Hugs and prayers coming your way.
Sorry to be coming in so late. You DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!!!
He did, he sounds like my ex H. Everyone knew mine was cheating but did not say anything to me, wish they did.
Listen to the dr, and take the time for you, you need some down time, You have been through so much. Find some fun things to read, and don't think about bad things, just good things.
Hugs and prayers coming your way.
Searching for Serenity
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 128
Do Not Talk To Him Anymore!
you will not get closure out of this. don't even try. If you keep talking to him (even on an ex or a friendship level) you will just get more and more upset. He's going to find a way to blame this on you and he sounds like a manipulator so eventually he will make you start doubting yourself. Just cut him off. Completely.
As far as the other thing goes, it's your decision whether to tell her or not. You wouldn't have been wrong either way. It's not your obligation to tell her but you didn't do anything bad by telling her either.
I will offer my experience though. I was with someone who had a relationship with another woman (they had been together for YEARS, and were engaged, so actually I was the other woman, unknowingly) who he told me was his ex. I didn't think anything of it because i still had a close friendship with my ex, and i was trusting to a fault. I never met her. After i found out, (and she still hadn't) i realized we had mutual friends and she got tipped off. He called me one day, hysterical saying I had ruined everything and he had already lost me, now it was my fault that he was going to lose her too. He begged me to let her call me and tell her that there was nothing going on between us. I told him that I wasn't going to go out of my way to tell her, but if she asked, I wasn't going to lie to the poor girl. I regretted that decision later. I wished I had just been upfront with her as soon as I found out. They're married now.
you will not get closure out of this. don't even try. If you keep talking to him (even on an ex or a friendship level) you will just get more and more upset. He's going to find a way to blame this on you and he sounds like a manipulator so eventually he will make you start doubting yourself. Just cut him off. Completely.
As far as the other thing goes, it's your decision whether to tell her or not. You wouldn't have been wrong either way. It's not your obligation to tell her but you didn't do anything bad by telling her either.
I will offer my experience though. I was with someone who had a relationship with another woman (they had been together for YEARS, and were engaged, so actually I was the other woman, unknowingly) who he told me was his ex. I didn't think anything of it because i still had a close friendship with my ex, and i was trusting to a fault. I never met her. After i found out, (and she still hadn't) i realized we had mutual friends and she got tipped off. He called me one day, hysterical saying I had ruined everything and he had already lost me, now it was my fault that he was going to lose her too. He begged me to let her call me and tell her that there was nothing going on between us. I told him that I wasn't going to go out of my way to tell her, but if she asked, I wasn't going to lie to the poor girl. I regretted that decision later. I wished I had just been upfront with her as soon as I found out. They're married now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Sending HUGS and PRAYERS for you, Rose. Take good care of yourself.
Even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment, you have become
a stronger person. You were able to see this man for what he was and
deal with it right away as opposed to the years of dealing with your ex.
Hoping your therapist will help you work through your feelings. You have
had so much happen in a short time, you deserve this rest to heal yourself.
I look forward to your posts. I see so much strength in your journey you share
with us here!
Even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment, you have become
a stronger person. You were able to see this man for what he was and
deal with it right away as opposed to the years of dealing with your ex.
Hoping your therapist will help you work through your feelings. You have
had so much happen in a short time, you deserve this rest to heal yourself.
I look forward to your posts. I see so much strength in your journey you share
with us here!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
As someone who has been cheated on, I would want to know. Before I met RAH, I was engaged to a man. I found out he had been cheating on me with 12 women that he had going online (TWELVE.) One of them was a friend of mine.
So, I was vengeful and I told them all about the cheating. Needless to say, he had quite a gaggle of honked of gals at him. The (ex) friend was also on that list. She went back to him, though.
In the end, I was glad I found out. I would have been strung along for God knows how long. This is my heart we're talking about here. The more you invest, the more it hurts, and this one hurt. I needed the truth, no matter the pain.
So, I was vengeful and I told them all about the cheating. Needless to say, he had quite a gaggle of honked of gals at him. The (ex) friend was also on that list. She went back to him, though.
In the end, I was glad I found out. I would have been strung along for God knows how long. This is my heart we're talking about here. The more you invest, the more it hurts, and this one hurt. I needed the truth, no matter the pain.
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