The ... "Can You Imagine What A CODIE I Was" book.
The ... "Can You Imagine What A CODIE I Was" book. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: canada
Posts: 166
ONE of the worst - taking AH to the bathroom - all the time he's muttering about God only knows what. He has passed out in front of his family and our friends, I would complain to them and all they said was he's always done that! One of his family members is a doctor!
It was YEARS before I recognized and accepted he had a problem and so did I!
It was YEARS before I recognized and accepted he had a problem and so did I!
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Omg how funny!
Do we have to give Grateful2B more of the royalties since the book and title were her idea?
OMG, I don't even know where to begin, but I really think the biggest thing was calling the Warden. I actually had his number on my speed dial. LOL
1. Called the Warden to give him the dickens for not getting my son's book to him right away.
2. Called prison and used the clergy to run messages to my son, and that's when he was in San Quentin!! Shoot, and you thought the Birdman of Alcatraz had priviledges!
3. Replaced a camera three times! (WHY?) He just stoled it again!
4. Devoted my entire days making rounds to pawn shops picking up recently pawned items. Got to be great friends with the pawnshop personnel!
5. Had meeting with son's parole officer supervisor complaining he wasn't treating son nice!! lol
6. Paid thousands of dollars going around making "bad" checks good!! If I only had the money now I'd be rich.
7. Went around hiding all the things I found that were stolen!! OMG! I should have turned his butt in then.
8. Told Mr. Dev he was working and gave him money each week like he had a regular paycheck! I should be shot for that one.
9. Told drug dealers I had their license numbers and turned them over to the police! Wonder we didn't get killed!
10. When he was in one fire camp they were allowed to have quarterly packages. In those days you could actually bring them when you came for a visit. One package weighed so much that it took three guys to take it from my truck. I think that's why they passed the 30 pound rule now!! Sorry for ruining things guys.
11. Oh, let's not forget the quarterly package trick....that is since they could only have one package a quarter, I would send packages each quarter to two other guys, just so my son could have everything he wanted. The other guys had no one to send them packages, so John would share a little with them. Nice guy huh?
12. Three way calls!! Oh yes, get the gf on the phone and he would talk to her for the allotted 15 minutes like 4 times a night and 5 nights a week. Had phone bills each month for about 350.00!! Cleaned houses just to pay the bill. Mr. Dev never knew it! In the firecamps or jail they could do that not in big-boy prison.
I did so many things Mr. Dev never knew. I lead a double life for years! And you guys though Superman was good! You have no idea.
Hugs, Dev
I could go on and on, but I think I've blocked out many things I've done just to keep my sanity. It's a wonder I didn't try and send him sheets with a good thread county while he was in prison.
OMG, I don't even know where to begin, but I really think the biggest thing was calling the Warden. I actually had his number on my speed dial. LOL
1. Called the Warden to give him the dickens for not getting my son's book to him right away.
2. Called prison and used the clergy to run messages to my son, and that's when he was in San Quentin!! Shoot, and you thought the Birdman of Alcatraz had priviledges!
3. Replaced a camera three times! (WHY?) He just stoled it again!
4. Devoted my entire days making rounds to pawn shops picking up recently pawned items. Got to be great friends with the pawnshop personnel!
5. Had meeting with son's parole officer supervisor complaining he wasn't treating son nice!! lol
6. Paid thousands of dollars going around making "bad" checks good!! If I only had the money now I'd be rich.
7. Went around hiding all the things I found that were stolen!! OMG! I should have turned his butt in then.
8. Told Mr. Dev he was working and gave him money each week like he had a regular paycheck! I should be shot for that one.
9. Told drug dealers I had their license numbers and turned them over to the police! Wonder we didn't get killed!
10. When he was in one fire camp they were allowed to have quarterly packages. In those days you could actually bring them when you came for a visit. One package weighed so much that it took three guys to take it from my truck. I think that's why they passed the 30 pound rule now!! Sorry for ruining things guys.
11. Oh, let's not forget the quarterly package trick....that is since they could only have one package a quarter, I would send packages each quarter to two other guys, just so my son could have everything he wanted. The other guys had no one to send them packages, so John would share a little with them. Nice guy huh?
12. Three way calls!! Oh yes, get the gf on the phone and he would talk to her for the allotted 15 minutes like 4 times a night and 5 nights a week. Had phone bills each month for about 350.00!! Cleaned houses just to pay the bill. Mr. Dev never knew it! In the firecamps or jail they could do that not in big-boy prison.
I did so many things Mr. Dev never knew. I lead a double life for years! And you guys though Superman was good! You have no idea.
Hugs, Dev
I could go on and on, but I think I've blocked out many things I've done just to keep my sanity. It's a wonder I didn't try and send him sheets with a good thread county while he was in prison.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 58
Wow - I can make a huge list here. Buying & selling, holding/carrying, looking up & identifyinig drugs for the ex-AGF. Actually "trying" some of the drugs she had in her possession or was hooked on. When I met her - I actually enjoyed the occasional toke of some pot - and/or having a few beers now & then...but now, I can barely finish a beer the times I've had one (just to see if I could get in the mood to drink). Same goes with smoking weed. The desire is almost totally gone. Its weird - I feel almost sad & resentful, because I actually enjoyed doing those things once in awhile. Sure, I'm better off being substance free entirely (well, I DO still smoke cigarettes - yuck!) - its just weird how things have played out.
To continue - paying "her way" for so many, many things - yet, completely disregarding MY OWN very critical bills. Funny - but if you were to ask her - she would tell you I practically never gave her a dime or spent a cent on her behalf. It's amazing.
One of the biggest things for me that will be a lasting reminder for how I "was" - is that I will no longer have my Harley. I've got it for sale right now - so that I can catch up on my bills & get my head above water. I'll be fine once I do that - but, man - I LOVED that bike. Said I would NEVER sell it. I left myself no choice though.
And it hit me today, that, because I believed so much that is, only now, becoming so obvious to me that was lies & deception - I'm going to go get myself "checked out". God only knows what other people have touched her - besides me - while we were in a relationship.
Amazing how I totally ignored the cold hard truth, ignored my own needs - and so much more - in attempts to "make & keep her happy".
To continue - paying "her way" for so many, many things - yet, completely disregarding MY OWN very critical bills. Funny - but if you were to ask her - she would tell you I practically never gave her a dime or spent a cent on her behalf. It's amazing.
One of the biggest things for me that will be a lasting reminder for how I "was" - is that I will no longer have my Harley. I've got it for sale right now - so that I can catch up on my bills & get my head above water. I'll be fine once I do that - but, man - I LOVED that bike. Said I would NEVER sell it. I left myself no choice though.
And it hit me today, that, because I believed so much that is, only now, becoming so obvious to me that was lies & deception - I'm going to go get myself "checked out". God only knows what other people have touched her - besides me - while we were in a relationship.
Amazing how I totally ignored the cold hard truth, ignored my own needs - and so much more - in attempts to "make & keep her happy".
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I'm trying to forget all the stupid things i did.
The most harmful to me was over-exaggerating my weaknesses to others - just had no self-confidence in myself and those were always used against me. I thought that my kids emotional problems were a direct result of bad parenting and was willing to do anything to make it up to them.
I think the worst action I would do is stay up all night testing his blood sugars while he was passed out drunk or high. And on the mornings after (i didnt even consider he was hungover) I would do the same thing. Go ahead get messed up mom will make sure you dont die.
Thinking his problems were emotional and ignoring all the signs of drug usage. I cashed in my 401K to get him into a hospital because of his his "depression" when he was actually just coming down from the highs. He liked to threaten suicide when i was getting too close to the problem and it threw me into a total panic.
I did also have a few times that I knew he used but didnt report him to his PO. I'm not sure how codie those were though becuase he would do it for a reason - like when he was court ordered to go to diabetic camp and didnt want to go. He got drunk a couple of days before and i think he was willing to get arrested for violation over going. I didnt tell on him that time - still not sure if i should have.
The most harmful to me was over-exaggerating my weaknesses to others - just had no self-confidence in myself and those were always used against me. I thought that my kids emotional problems were a direct result of bad parenting and was willing to do anything to make it up to them.
I think the worst action I would do is stay up all night testing his blood sugars while he was passed out drunk or high. And on the mornings after (i didnt even consider he was hungover) I would do the same thing. Go ahead get messed up mom will make sure you dont die.
Thinking his problems were emotional and ignoring all the signs of drug usage. I cashed in my 401K to get him into a hospital because of his his "depression" when he was actually just coming down from the highs. He liked to threaten suicide when i was getting too close to the problem and it threw me into a total panic.
I did also have a few times that I knew he used but didnt report him to his PO. I'm not sure how codie those were though becuase he would do it for a reason - like when he was court ordered to go to diabetic camp and didnt want to go. He got drunk a couple of days before and i think he was willing to get arrested for violation over going. I didnt tell on him that time - still not sure if i should have.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
OMG....
1. first & foremost actually BELIEVING all the lies.
2. paying for granddaughter to go to daycare for years (even using a credit card to do so)
3. spending all of our savings and small inheritance to pay her bills, fines, attorney fees, etc
4. actually writing to the judge because when he said "YOU ALCOHOLICS" should know better, that it was a very demeaning thing to say.
5. calling doctors & detention center because she was not given her meds when in jail.
(of course SHE did not give them the meds when she turned herself in...so how would they know)
6. staying up most of the night wondering & worrying where she was....only to go to sleep for 2 hrs & get up & go to work....while of course she was just fine.
7. ALWAYS putting her first.
8. The list goes on & on.
9. Thank God for my recovery!!
1. first & foremost actually BELIEVING all the lies.
2. paying for granddaughter to go to daycare for years (even using a credit card to do so)
3. spending all of our savings and small inheritance to pay her bills, fines, attorney fees, etc
4. actually writing to the judge because when he said "YOU ALCOHOLICS" should know better, that it was a very demeaning thing to say.
5. calling doctors & detention center because she was not given her meds when in jail.
(of course SHE did not give them the meds when she turned herself in...so how would they know)
6. staying up most of the night wondering & worrying where she was....only to go to sleep for 2 hrs & get up & go to work....while of course she was just fine.
7. ALWAYS putting her first.
8. The list goes on & on.
9. Thank God for my recovery!!
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
I'm drawing a blank....selective memory...
But one all time stupid thing I did...and did often....
"I would pray to God that I would give my life for him if it meant that he would be well again."
I will never forget this foolishness over his addiction.
My life for his...geez...what was I thinking?!
But one all time stupid thing I did...and did often....
"I would pray to God that I would give my life for him if it meant that he would be well again."
I will never forget this foolishness over his addiction.
My life for his...geez...what was I thinking?!
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Pre SR, some of the codie things I would do:
!. when AD was living on the street I would go looking for her.
2. get on my bike and cycle by her apt late at night to see if the light was on and she was home...and supposedly safe...
3. always put her first....
4.give her groceries while she was spending money on booze.
5.always put her first...
6.if she made so much as a peep about a problem, I was in there like a dirty shirt fixing it...
7.always put her first..
8. believe she was helpless..
9. swallow her victim, poor me stories...hook, line, and sinker!
10.always put her first...
11.spent the day out and about shopping because that was what she wanted , even tho I was in so much pain(fibro)
12. always put her first..
13.spend way too many sleepless nights worrying when she was on the street.
14. took too many phone calls in the middle of the night.
15. tolerated her behavior and made excuses for it
16. Always put her first.
Dev, I wanna give my portion of the royalties to Amy so she can have 2 days off a week
Sknyfats, sorry 'bout your Harley....
!. when AD was living on the street I would go looking for her.
2. get on my bike and cycle by her apt late at night to see if the light was on and she was home...and supposedly safe...
3. always put her first....
4.give her groceries while she was spending money on booze.
5.always put her first...
6.if she made so much as a peep about a problem, I was in there like a dirty shirt fixing it...
7.always put her first..
8. believe she was helpless..
9. swallow her victim, poor me stories...hook, line, and sinker!
10.always put her first...
11.spent the day out and about shopping because that was what she wanted , even tho I was in so much pain(fibro)
12. always put her first..
13.spend way too many sleepless nights worrying when she was on the street.
14. took too many phone calls in the middle of the night.
15. tolerated her behavior and made excuses for it
16. Always put her first.
Dev, I wanna give my portion of the royalties to Amy so she can have 2 days off a week
Sknyfats, sorry 'bout your Harley....
Last edited by grateful2b; 01-16-2009 at 01:23 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Me, (knowing nothing about script drugs) married a NA, who went to AA, who was on narcotic script drugs zanax and hydrocodone amongst many. And who had years previously tried to kill himself on these things ending up hospitalized. He always told me he was in recovery and takes them as prescribed, and I believed him even when he was slurring, couldn't drive straight, and falling asleep at church every Sun and Wed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I obsessed about my daughter and her addiction.
I was consumed with rescuing and fixing her.
I did for my daughter what she could have done for herself.
I robbed my daughter of an opportunity to experience the consequences of her choices and behavior.
I was consumed with rescuing and fixing her.
I did for my daughter what she could have done for herself.
I robbed my daughter of an opportunity to experience the consequences of her choices and behavior.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 209
I believed all of XAH's lies...over and over again.
I took $3000 out of OUR equity line so HE could pay off HIS drug dealers.
Yelled, begged, screamed and begged some more for him to stop doing drugs and drinking.
Followed him to the liquor store and watched him buy a bottle of vodka and then tried to follow him around town while he drank it and continued to drive (yeah that was REALLY STUPID!).
Took on all the blame he threw at me for HIS drug addiction.
Got really angry with his place of employment when they wanted to drug test him...MY husband didn't have a drug problem...he said so.
Still believing all of his lies.
Helped him to the bathroom when he came home drunk and when he could barely stand up in the shower, I bathed him (he's 37 for crying out loud!).
Kept everything to myself. No one in my family had a clue about what was going on...I was too embarrassed and ashamed.
Took his phone calls in the middle of the night after he walked out on us and moved in with another woman.
Truly believed that at the ripe old age of 36 I would never be able to do any better...so why would I want to divorce this man?
Now, I don't talk to him if I don't want to (of course he's in jail so that makes it easier). I no longer believe anything he says. I share with my family. I let him live his life the way he sees fit. AND, at the ripe old age of 36 I know I deserve better and one day that person will show up in my life!
Sue
I took $3000 out of OUR equity line so HE could pay off HIS drug dealers.
Yelled, begged, screamed and begged some more for him to stop doing drugs and drinking.
Followed him to the liquor store and watched him buy a bottle of vodka and then tried to follow him around town while he drank it and continued to drive (yeah that was REALLY STUPID!).
Took on all the blame he threw at me for HIS drug addiction.
Got really angry with his place of employment when they wanted to drug test him...MY husband didn't have a drug problem...he said so.
Still believing all of his lies.
Helped him to the bathroom when he came home drunk and when he could barely stand up in the shower, I bathed him (he's 37 for crying out loud!).
Kept everything to myself. No one in my family had a clue about what was going on...I was too embarrassed and ashamed.
Took his phone calls in the middle of the night after he walked out on us and moved in with another woman.
Truly believed that at the ripe old age of 36 I would never be able to do any better...so why would I want to divorce this man?
Now, I don't talk to him if I don't want to (of course he's in jail so that makes it easier). I no longer believe anything he says. I share with my family. I let him live his life the way he sees fit. AND, at the ripe old age of 36 I know I deserve better and one day that person will show up in my life!
Sue
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh lordy, true confession time. Well if Dev did it then I'll have to share too.
I replaced 3 VCR's, and chased the last one through pawn shops trying to get it back.
I drove through neighbourhoods no mother should ever drive through, very late at night looking for a tall boy with a ball cap. Nobody else looked like my son.
I paid rent so he wouldn't get kicked out, I bought tools for him so he could work....three times.
I checked the cell phone bills to see where he had been and who he had called, and if I really, really needed to know, I called the phone provider and asked them to fax me an update.
And my bottom...I drove over an hour to another city, straight to the crack house that I knew he was at and when they told me he wasn't there I threated to kick down the door if they didn't sent him out (ME? kick down a door??) I must have sounded dangerous because they did. We went to his apartment where I slept on the couch and when I left for home in the morning he went right back to the crack house to pick up where he left off. That was when I told God I couldn't do one more day of this and I gave my son's care to Him.
Phewww, I haven't revisited that for a long time. I'm sure there are many more things, but if I posted them I might be certified crazy.
Good thread, glad you started it.
Hugs
I replaced 3 VCR's, and chased the last one through pawn shops trying to get it back.
I drove through neighbourhoods no mother should ever drive through, very late at night looking for a tall boy with a ball cap. Nobody else looked like my son.
I paid rent so he wouldn't get kicked out, I bought tools for him so he could work....three times.
I checked the cell phone bills to see where he had been and who he had called, and if I really, really needed to know, I called the phone provider and asked them to fax me an update.
And my bottom...I drove over an hour to another city, straight to the crack house that I knew he was at and when they told me he wasn't there I threated to kick down the door if they didn't sent him out (ME? kick down a door??) I must have sounded dangerous because they did. We went to his apartment where I slept on the couch and when I left for home in the morning he went right back to the crack house to pick up where he left off. That was when I told God I couldn't do one more day of this and I gave my son's care to Him.
Phewww, I haven't revisited that for a long time. I'm sure there are many more things, but if I posted them I might be certified crazy.
Good thread, glad you started it.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Ann 
And my bottom...I drove over an hour to another city, straight to the crack house that I knew he was at and when they told me he wasn't there I threated to kick down the door if they didn't sent him out (ME? kick down a door??) I must have sounded dangerous because they did. We went to his apartment where I slept on the couch and when I left for home in the morning he went right back to the crack house to pick up where he left off. That was when I told God I couldn't do one more day of this and I gave my son's care to Him.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by NeedingHelp7
yes...with these royalties she should be set for life.
.....the royalties are all yours 
and Amy could still use 2 days off 
....had me confused for a minute ....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
