The ... "Can You Imagine What A CODIE I Was" book.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 51
Jeez, this brings back memories...oh, what a codie I was!
1. Believed all his lies when gone overnight. (drinking, slept in my car, went gambling, someone tried to rob me, etc.etc.)
2. Believed all his lies when working out of town and money missing...buddy needed help, lost my wallet, someone stole the digital camera, had to help buddy re: backing into a car drunk, etc.
3. Now this is a REAL codie...still checking his cell phone AFTER I kicked him out and he was with (at 55) an 18 year old crack wh... to see who he was calling and where he was.
4. When he was picked up in a motel raid, offered to get his truck and belongings.
5. Cosigned on his truck, did get out of that one when credit union had a good offer. Warned him when on the streets they were after the truck (repossessed it and he called me for help...DID NOT!)
6. Lied to friends and family covering when he was gone doing crack.
7. Lied to police when I filed a missing persons while he was on a 5 day crack binge...said he was in Vegas gambling.
I'm sure there was a lot more...it makes me sick to remember how sick I was! 3 years later I have found myself again...got lost in all the drama!
1. Believed all his lies when gone overnight. (drinking, slept in my car, went gambling, someone tried to rob me, etc.etc.)
2. Believed all his lies when working out of town and money missing...buddy needed help, lost my wallet, someone stole the digital camera, had to help buddy re: backing into a car drunk, etc.
3. Now this is a REAL codie...still checking his cell phone AFTER I kicked him out and he was with (at 55) an 18 year old crack wh... to see who he was calling and where he was.
4. When he was picked up in a motel raid, offered to get his truck and belongings.
5. Cosigned on his truck, did get out of that one when credit union had a good offer. Warned him when on the streets they were after the truck (repossessed it and he called me for help...DID NOT!)
6. Lied to friends and family covering when he was gone doing crack.
7. Lied to police when I filed a missing persons while he was on a 5 day crack binge...said he was in Vegas gambling.
I'm sure there was a lot more...it makes me sick to remember how sick I was! 3 years later I have found myself again...got lost in all the drama!
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Originally Posted by outtolunch 
Similar episode....on my end. I brought my daughter home and got a rope and tied her to me and we went to sleep.
OMG...I laughed when I read this cause I soooo wanted to do this one!!!!
Dev....I just gotta say...I LOVE YOU!!! LOL
Now my list
1. Visited pawn shops to get MY stuff out!!
2. Paid rent....more times than I can count
3. Bought groceries
4. Paid phone bill many times
5. Driven her and the boyfriend to their parole app't's
6. I am still paying for cell phone (my excuse is I'm in the contract till 2010), but have locked it, so she can only call her son and me...lol!
7. driven the streets looking for her
8. gone to the crack house more times than I could count
Here's one of the biggest....and stupidest
9. Let her and the boyfriend live with me this past year while they were both on methadone, driving them to the methadone clinic everyday, so she wouldn't have to take the bus!!!.....Am dealing with this now!!!
REALLY...can mothers be any stupider??!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 20
I would like to thank everyone who has posted to this thread. I cannot tell you how much it has helped me sort things out.
I have done many of these things too, through 10 years and AS's several relapses.
1. Believed his lies
2. Paid his court fines, traffic tickets
3. Paid his and girlfriend's rent
4. Paid his cell phone bill
5. Gave him money to pay off drug dealers
6. Let him "shop" in my house for groceries
7. Never invited people over from embarrassment
8. Only went on vacation when he was in jail because we didn't know what would happen if we were gone
9. Went into debt practicing "retail therapy" because I could not stand to be in my own house
10. Sent myself a Mother's Day card each year for three years. The card I thought I deserved. Told myself I would not open them until things were stable. Finally threw them out, unopened.
I have done many of these things too, through 10 years and AS's several relapses.
1. Believed his lies
2. Paid his court fines, traffic tickets
3. Paid his and girlfriend's rent
4. Paid his cell phone bill
5. Gave him money to pay off drug dealers
6. Let him "shop" in my house for groceries
7. Never invited people over from embarrassment
8. Only went on vacation when he was in jail because we didn't know what would happen if we were gone
9. Went into debt practicing "retail therapy" because I could not stand to be in my own house
10. Sent myself a Mother's Day card each year for three years. The card I thought I deserved. Told myself I would not open them until things were stable. Finally threw them out, unopened.
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
[quote=restingmyeyes;2068438]
9. Went into debt practicing "retail therapy" because I could not stand to be in my own house
quote]
OH YEAH!!! This one toooo!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope to see more of you (((Restingmyeyes)))!! Welcome to SR! We're open 24/7, and you'll find angels lurking on this site.
9. Went into debt practicing "retail therapy" because I could not stand to be in my own house
quote]
OH YEAH!!! This one toooo!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope to see more of you (((Restingmyeyes)))!! Welcome to SR! We're open 24/7, and you'll find angels lurking on this site.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Well, it's like this....
We certainly all have one thing in common right?
Yep, we have all given everything we had and then some! I've said it once and I'll say it again, "I've done everything but turn blue for my son!" Where did it get me?? No where! Where did it get him? No where!
If you really think about the past 7 years since I've been on this forum, nothing has changed! It's only been the past couple of months that I really have learned to detach! Oh, I've improved some over the past years, but not nearly enough!
My son is 46 years old now and doesn't have one thing saved for old age. He owes the world money. He owes over 100,000 in child support. Not to say these things can't be worked out; however, the idea here is to clean up the mess of the past, not create more messes!
I remember my poor mother saying the only time she would rest was when she was dead! She was such a codie when it came to my half-brother. He was 13 years younger than me, and an alcoholic. She just couldn't detach from him either.
She was very strict with my sister and myself. Goes to show you, the more responsiblilty you give to your children, and the less you do for them, the better prepared they become.
We were old at 17!! I was married and by age 22 had a child owned a house and a 5 unit apartment house!! Kids today say "things were easier then!" You know what, everything is relative. They weren't easier we were responsible!
Hugs, Devastated
Yep, we have all given everything we had and then some! I've said it once and I'll say it again, "I've done everything but turn blue for my son!" Where did it get me?? No where! Where did it get him? No where!
If you really think about the past 7 years since I've been on this forum, nothing has changed! It's only been the past couple of months that I really have learned to detach! Oh, I've improved some over the past years, but not nearly enough!
My son is 46 years old now and doesn't have one thing saved for old age. He owes the world money. He owes over 100,000 in child support. Not to say these things can't be worked out; however, the idea here is to clean up the mess of the past, not create more messes!
I remember my poor mother saying the only time she would rest was when she was dead! She was such a codie when it came to my half-brother. He was 13 years younger than me, and an alcoholic. She just couldn't detach from him either.
She was very strict with my sister and myself. Goes to show you, the more responsiblilty you give to your children, and the less you do for them, the better prepared they become.
We were old at 17!! I was married and by age 22 had a child owned a house and a 5 unit apartment house!! Kids today say "things were easier then!" You know what, everything is relative. They weren't easier we were responsible!
Hugs, Devastated
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
G2B - You're so sweet, to want me to get 2 days off
I did a LOT of the stuff above, but the worst was begging XABF #1 to "beat the hell out of me" because the physical injuries would heal faster than the emotional ones he was inflicting. I said this, while crying, crumpled in a heap in a parking lot in the dark. Stayed with him for years after that.
I was a sick puppy.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I did a LOT of the stuff above, but the worst was begging XABF #1 to "beat the hell out of me" because the physical injuries would heal faster than the emotional ones he was inflicting. I said this, while crying, crumpled in a heap in a parking lot in the dark. Stayed with him for years after that.
I was a sick puppy.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
yep, this thread needs to be a stickie. Goodness, as I read I remember more & more of the things I did.............Mother knows best!!! OMG, so glad I found SR, Naranon & Alanon.....been 9 years and I am still learning.
Hugs to everyone!
Chris
Hugs to everyone!
Chris
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
I prefer to be more self destructive…
Oh I brought the lies, so wanting to believe, fixed ( well everyone knows how that works ) covered up, made excuses for…but I think by far the worst thing I did was allowed my resentment that he was high, and how dare he while I have to deal with all this worrying, this wondering, this insanity he created…
So missing my part in the insanity, my actions and reactions were mine alone…
Don’t you just love resentment and the low places they ever lead…alcohol came first, pills followed nicely alone…can anyone say hypocrite, and I had such a great excuse….heroin….UGH…
Oh I brought the lies, so wanting to believe, fixed ( well everyone knows how that works ) covered up, made excuses for…but I think by far the worst thing I did was allowed my resentment that he was high, and how dare he while I have to deal with all this worrying, this wondering, this insanity he created…
So missing my part in the insanity, my actions and reactions were mine alone…
Don’t you just love resentment and the low places they ever lead…alcohol came first, pills followed nicely alone…can anyone say hypocrite, and I had such a great excuse….heroin….UGH…
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Maybe you're right, SerenityBound, this should be a sticky for the simple reason that we must always remember what we have been through.
Perhaps it will show new friends that join this wonderful forum, what they need to learn in order to heal.
I think the sadness post I read here was written by Impurrfect. What a sad situation that was. I'm so happy that you have found some sanity in your life now.
Hugs to you all, Devastated
Perhaps it will show new friends that join this wonderful forum, what they need to learn in order to heal.
I think the sadness post I read here was written by Impurrfect. What a sad situation that was. I'm so happy that you have found some sanity in your life now.
Hugs to you all, Devastated
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Dev, I agree, I want to remember what I've done & been through so that I won't ever go back there again. And I believe it is so important for new members to realize that they are NOT alone, that the things they've done or not done are all a part of this ugly disease.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
1. drving around at nite looking for him-even spying in the window of a crack house
2. Paying off drug dealers
3. Paying his credit cards
4. Picking him up from rehab - left eraly he couldn't handle the program
5. Picking him up in another city, he told me he was going to jump off a bridge
6. Buying his groceries, cigarettes
7. Doing his laundry
8. Believing his lies
2. Paying off drug dealers
3. Paying his credit cards
4. Picking him up from rehab - left eraly he couldn't handle the program
5. Picking him up in another city, he told me he was going to jump off a bridge
6. Buying his groceries, cigarettes
7. Doing his laundry
8. Believing his lies
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
kATIE44 Just reminded me of the first time my son relapsed after having been clean for 6 years, and he called yelling and screaming that he was giving all his tools away to passerbys! Mind you he had tons of money invested in tools of his trade (masonry).
I jumped in the car with my heart pounding a million beats a minute. Thankfully he lived about 25 minutes away. Got there and he was in the house in a rage! He had been beating everything in site with a baseball bat!
I tried to stop him when he said he was going to kill himself. He pushed me down. I was so scared I ran out of the house trying to get to my car with behind me telling me to stop. I jumped in the car, but couldn't get out of there fast enough. He kicked in my car grill!!
I was hysterical all the way home. I had to pull myself together quickly before Mr. Dev found out. I didn't mention the car grill until a few days later when he noticed it. I said, I didn't know what happen maybe someone backed into it!
To this day he doesn't know what happen. Funny part of this is we gave that car to son when he came home from prison time before last! He still has it and one day said, man sure wish that grill was fixed! Right!! I said, remember how that happened?? Left it at that.
What's really amazing here is when I think back on all of these horrible events and say to myself, "and you really still care??" Wow! That's devotion for you!
You're right Serenity, newcomers should know that they are not alone. I know I sure thought I was until I found this site. I couldn't believe there were others suffering as much, and sometimes, even more than I was.
Wow! It's like the old saying, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet!" Guess it could always be worse.
Hugs, Devastated
I jumped in the car with my heart pounding a million beats a minute. Thankfully he lived about 25 minutes away. Got there and he was in the house in a rage! He had been beating everything in site with a baseball bat!
I tried to stop him when he said he was going to kill himself. He pushed me down. I was so scared I ran out of the house trying to get to my car with behind me telling me to stop. I jumped in the car, but couldn't get out of there fast enough. He kicked in my car grill!!
I was hysterical all the way home. I had to pull myself together quickly before Mr. Dev found out. I didn't mention the car grill until a few days later when he noticed it. I said, I didn't know what happen maybe someone backed into it!
To this day he doesn't know what happen. Funny part of this is we gave that car to son when he came home from prison time before last! He still has it and one day said, man sure wish that grill was fixed! Right!! I said, remember how that happened?? Left it at that.
What's really amazing here is when I think back on all of these horrible events and say to myself, "and you really still care??" Wow! That's devotion for you!
You're right Serenity, newcomers should know that they are not alone. I know I sure thought I was until I found this site. I couldn't believe there were others suffering as much, and sometimes, even more than I was.
Wow! It's like the old saying, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet!" Guess it could always be worse.
Hugs, Devastated
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
I found my youngest a free Rehab,
he stayed at our house for 3 days,
until a bed opened,
then I dropped him off.
I went to his apartment, and decided to clean it spic and span.
To get the deposit back.
The place was filthy.
(you'd never guess his GF cleaned houses for a living)
I couldn't get the bathtub clean.......
so I used every cleaning solution she had left there.
(she fell in love with the janitor)
I ended up with Chemical pneumonia.
AND no deposit money back,
cause there wasn't any receipt of it ever being paid.
But the place was nice and clean for the next renter...Grrrr
he stayed at our house for 3 days,
until a bed opened,
then I dropped him off.
I went to his apartment, and decided to clean it spic and span.
To get the deposit back.
The place was filthy.
(you'd never guess his GF cleaned houses for a living)
I couldn't get the bathtub clean.......
so I used every cleaning solution she had left there.
(she fell in love with the janitor)
I ended up with Chemical pneumonia.
AND no deposit money back,
cause there wasn't any receipt of it ever being paid.
But the place was nice and clean for the next renter...Grrrr
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