OT - Age Difference
 

For a bit of fun - what's your opinion on a 53 year old woman who can't seem to connect to a man her age or a little older - but does connect with a 30 year old? And I mean as a "boyfriend"

Just for the record, I'm 42 and dating someone 49 ;) - but I'm curious how and why this should be "fulfilling" - these "new" eyes and tools I have, I find I look at things so much differently and to me, this just doesn't seem all that healthy. I'm seeing a connection at an age level that's more comfortable for the woman... Why???

So far these are my thoughts anyway, such as they are - what are yours?

I think life is short, whatever makes you healthy, happy and sober.

Well I haven't really dated that much.....since I was 16 anyway and back then dating someone older could have caused trouble......actually I did....but that's another story. ;)

IMHO it's the connection that is important. When I was growing up my mom usually dated younger guys...sometimes closer to my age than to hers. It made me uncomfortable back then, but now it just seems important to make sure you are at a similar place....in life, in philosophy, in having fun. Do what feels right for you.

Good perspectives! I just can't seem to get past that a few years is one thing, but 23? I don't know. More power to her, I agree, she has found some happiness, but there's just something that makes me take pause...

Her circumstances for one. But, maybe with my new eyes I'm seeing ghosts where there aren't any. I just can't imagine myself being anything but an "auntie" to someone 23 years younger. Who knows, maybe I would jump at the chance? Given what has been shared so far - hmmmmmmm

Life is just so darned interesting!

OT Age Difference
 

Mine was 13 years younger. It bothered me more than him in the beginning. In the end I realized that what he wanted was a stable, responsible person to be with, kinda like a Mom. All the while he was seeing younger women. All the while he was seeing younger women and doing "crack" with them, and everything that goes with it.

Poor choice on my behalf, but not to say that this is the norm. We connect with who we connect with, it's all good. Just not with a Man Baby!

Hmmmmm. I am younger than that and 30 is the age of my daughter's BF. Although he is great, I couldn't imagine - I think with a 20 year younger guy, we could relate on superficial things - common interests, etc, but on a well...higher plain, I guess you would say, I'd think he would need to experience a lot more of life that only time develops to get to the point where I could connect. I guess I think of it in terms of intimacy...Sure maybe physical intimacy, but I couldn't see the connection for total intimacy. I could imagine some temporay happiness/satisfaction, but not as a long term thing. Does that make any sense?
By the way - I am certainly generalizing - I am sure there are exceptions. And I would generalize the same way with older man, significantly younger woman.

Would I feel the same if it was 45 and 65? I don't think so. There comes a point where there's some leveling off of maturity, IMO...I just don't think one is there at 30 :)

I think I would get tired of sucking my stomach in.

Call me contrary, but I don't see a relationship lasting where the people involved are of 2 different generations. It might last a while, but I just don't see "long term" written all over it.

I don't think it's wrong, and it may work for some, but I think the odds just got reduced and the odds are not terrific anyway for any relationship and it may be a lot of work.

And for the record, I feel the same when a man is 23 years older than a woman. It's a generation gap thing, I guess.

Hugs

Uh oh, RAH is 15 yrs. younger than me. We have had problems but because of his addiction to drugs and my not knowing much about addiction.

I met him through his mother who rented a house from me at the time.
We share the same interest, fishing, gardening, biking, walks in the woods,yard sales, selling on E-Bay and cooking. Plus all the pets. He is the most gentle and loving person.

He is in prison for meth and should be out by April. I am not kidding myself-if I even suspect drugs, he is gone. Steps over just one boundry-he is gone. He had had 6 months of intensive rehab, six months of anger management (never saw him angry but once and not at me) and sounds like he is on the right path, time will tell. He has learned he has to attend meetings, go to church and to stay away from triggers-no past friends and no family. He is well aware of my boundries. He knows I mean NO.

We have been together 8 years and married 6. I have told him one year of sobriety for him and we will move out of state. If not-one year and I will move out of state.

Anyway, it has worked, except for the drugs.

Time will tell.

Since this thread is just for fun... :)

When my ex and i split i went out a few times - never dated but i found that younger men were more attracted to me than older men. i was 41 at the time and had boys as young as their early 20s actively pursuing me. I didnt entertain that because i know i couldnt deal with that but i gotta say it was fun to flirt and it was a huge boost to my ego to know i still got it.

I had older men hit on me, young guys hit on me but guys my own age only had eyes for the very young girls. It may be a matter of having to choose - do I want to date a guy in his 20s (who looks dang good) or a guy in his late 50s (who would be more intellectually stimiluating). I actually choose neither but that's another story.

My theory is that a lot of younger men are more attracted to older women because there isnt as much drama and i think they have fantasies that we know what we're doing and there's always the "Stippler's Mom" infatuation. I got called that more than once - still makes me giggle. Besides if you get down to biology - a man is in his prime early and a woman hits her prime later.

All i know is that it was wonderful for my ego to be in my 40s and still have young bucks interested - but having a relationship with them - no thanks - i've got all the children i want.

If the guy was 53 and the woman was young enough to be his daughter, we would probably roll our eyes and get it.

I say woo-hoo, for the 53 year old woman. If it floats their boat....well that's just swell.

Do you know why Cher dates younger men?

.... because she can!

:c011:

I agree, life is short, and as long as nobody is getting hurt, have fun :)

Ann, as for sucking in your tummy ~ check these out.
All the young girls (and not so young girls) are wearing them.

Spanx.com - Bras & Panties

I tried to re-name this link, but just could not do it.
Hey Dev, can you help me with this one?

Hugs,

Even more OT
 

:lmao


Here Ann.......maybe this helps. Pay special attention to #10. Edited a bit....

10 Things He's Thinking When You're Naked

1. That webcam didn’t begin to do her justice.
2. Only one beer? Check. Ate the Altoids? Check. Pre-date safety ______? Check.
3. Please don’t put on the baggy T-shirt!
4. Duuuuuude!
5. Interesting. Another _____ shape for my mental collection.
6. Who is Mike? And what is his name doing there?
7. Hmm…have I ever washed these sheets?
8. I kinda don’t care if they’re fake.
9. Focus on her eyes, focus on her eyes, focus on her…oh, forget it.
10. Suck in my gut, suck in my gut, suck in my…oh, forget it.

(From Glamour
by Kimberly Bonnell and Pamela Redmond Satran)

Yeah. The young bucks love me, too. I'm in my mid-forties and just got out of a relationship with a man in his early thirties. It was the first time I dated a younger guy. I didn't like the age gap at all for me.

Early thirties is such a different time in your life, in my experience. I mean, my kids are 16 and 20, I'm almost done raising them, and I'm retiring in 5 years. I have a 401K, a home, a labrador. This guy was still deciding "what do I want to do when I grown up?" He wasn't sure whether he wanted kids "one day."

Granted, he was emotionally and developmentally stunted from his years of active addiction. But I think even a normal non-addict guy in his early thirties is still very different from a woman in her mid to late forties. I want an older guy next time, one who has some development and can meet me half way. But that's just me.

KJ

I met D when I was 42 and he was 73. He was kind and gentle to me. He had a quiet intelligence and an ability to make me laugh with his dry humor. He made me feel like gold, and everything about his aged self endeared itself to me, and I fell in love. Over the years, we had many good times together, but he never seemed willing or perhaps able to make a serious commitment to me. His reluctance to have a long term thing never made sense to me, and still doesn't. When he became more frail a year ago, I offered to stay with him -- I would have upended my life to help -- but for whatever reason he never asked. Maybe the age thing was a factor, maybe he didn't want to burden me. He's in a nursing home now, and I'm still grappling with the loss I feel. But he remains someone I love regardless of age or infirmity. My challenge in recovery now is to choose someone who loves me as deeply in return, and to stop settling for anyone less.

:lmao

I've heard of them and seen them advertised and thought they were just this generation's version of a girdle. My mother always wore a girdle that only jaws of life could get her into and I always swore to myself that if I needed a girdle then I needed to lose weight. So far, I'm holding my own :D

My thoughts, exactly, Ann. They look terribly uncomfortable.

OMG Ann, that is so funny! "Tired of sucking in my stomach!"

That was the first thing I thought of when I read your post BayAreaPhoenix.

I totally agree with Ann as far as long-term is concerned. I just don't think that that much of an age difference would work for long.

My mom was 10 years older than my step-dad, but he was really mature and very quiet.

I think it would be ok for as long as it lasted, but again would be afraid we wouldn't grow old together, and certainly not at the same time LOL.

Hugs, Dev

I think that as long as happiness follows and you are able to walk away if it does become unhealthy for you, then you are perfectly within your means to date whomever you please. There is no limit when it comes to an older man or woman and for some people their experience and wisdom is a major factor in stability, reliability and focus. So that means you must have impressed him and good for you, I say ride it till the brakes wear out...hehe so to speak...Enjoy your life and stay safe, and have fun!!