justme

My adh finally saw the light so I thought....Fast forward He is a heroin addict and we have been together 11years. He finally hit bottom and even though we seperated and were moving on we got back together. He went to prison for 2years and when he got out went to a rehab I finally thought it was our time to shine and leave everything behind us. He went to meetings for a short time and found a really good job and stopped going to meetings....too busy. I thought you haven't even worked your steps but I vowed this time around I couldn't make him work his program. We got involved in church and for a short time it was good. He started hanging out with new friends from work and shortly after became another person. He started to want to go out and started to smoke weed. Little by little I knew he was hiding things from me. He felt that now that he was contributing to the household and not doing heroin. He could do whatever he wanted.He would say I am not hurting anyone. I never quite say yes you are hurting me. After time he was verbally abusing me and finally he put his hands on me. We have two kids and he they are so confused right now. I finally kicked him out he decided to leave again. He thinks this is his hotel. You know he would tell me it was none of my business where he had been. And I need to just accept what he does. I don't even know him anymore. This is such a vicious cycle, we have played this game but everytime I apologize just so he will come back but I am just so scared he will change for someone else but I guess I just need to let that go. It kills me to think we couldn't make it. I love him so much and I just have become this pathetic person. I lose myself to him all the time. I guess there is nothing I can do at this point I really feel like I have nothing left to give. I had to I get up every day knowing he just didn't want this marriage?????I feel so hopeless and pathetic. I am angry and lost. Needed to vent

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've been there before, and so have a lot of people here. You're not pathetic, just codependent (a codie). I'm also a recovering addict (crack).

First of all, as far as him getting better, here's something to remember..the 3 c's. You didn't cause it, can't cure it, and you can't change it. He will get clean, or not, regardless of what you say or do. I know the fear of him "getting better for someone else". I spent 20 years with someone for the same reason. During that time, I lost myself to the point I didn't even know who I was any more.

Is there any way you can go to al-anon or nar-anon meetings? You will find a lot of support here, but f2f support is even better. No one will tell you how to fix him...it can't be done. The best thing you can do is learn how to focus on you and your kids and let him focus on him. As long as you allow him to do as he pleases, he will. It's very hard to change the rules and start taking up for yourself, but most of us start with baby steps and build on that.

You may want to read other posts, and the "stickies" (posts at the top of the forum). There's a lot of good information and you will realize that you're not alone.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hello-kitty

Hi Welcome. Sorry for your troubles. I'm sorry your children are being hurt by the man who is supposed to love them more than anything. It's so hard on the children. The stickies are great. You are not alone. And you have options. Keep reading and posting.

splendra

I am sorry you are going thru this. I have wasted so much time hoping my H would change. Finally I realized I had to change..