Just Needing To Talk
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
The other thing that seems to happen a lot is when he is using or even thinking about using, the arguments always turn around and start being about what I do or don't do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: SC
Posts: 21
I try not to but when he starts down that path I can't help but fight back right now. It angers me that he is turning it on me and I have finally come to realize that is what he was doing. For a long time, I really believed I was the problem. Now I see that I am not.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
For a long time, I really believed I was the problem. Now I see that I am not.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
When we get into an arguement that is usually about the past (that is not the past), AH will tell me that he will contact the proper authorities and see that I get the help I need. It's insane that he would consider contacting anyone when he's not in recovery.
Last year, he called the police to the house because I was ranting. I made me so mad that I ended up in jail for assaulting a police officer. Of course, social services got called because of our infant daughter being in the house. While I was initially under investigation, I spoke to the social worker about his addiction and mentioned recent detoxes. Suddenly, I was in their good graces, drug tests were ordered, his medical records were subpoened and it was all over with - for him and his credibility.
My point is....when he tries to turn the attention off himself and back onto me, he forgets that his 25 years of addiction (dating back way before I met him), left a paper trail. Does your AH have any kind of paper trail?
Last year, he called the police to the house because I was ranting. I made me so mad that I ended up in jail for assaulting a police officer. Of course, social services got called because of our infant daughter being in the house. While I was initially under investigation, I spoke to the social worker about his addiction and mentioned recent detoxes. Suddenly, I was in their good graces, drug tests were ordered, his medical records were subpoened and it was all over with - for him and his credibility.
My point is....when he tries to turn the attention off himself and back onto me, he forgets that his 25 years of addiction (dating back way before I met him), left a paper trail. Does your AH have any kind of paper trail?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: SC
Posts: 21
Mrs. Magoo - Yes, he has quite the paper trail over the last 5 years (several arrests) plus a stint in rehab not to mention the years of bank statements and credit card bills for money that he cannot account for.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I try not to but when he starts down that path I can't help but fight back right now.
Set a boundary:
I will not participate in your madness. Therefore when you start down the path of an argument, I will take my kids and leave the house. If it is after dark and the kids are sleeping, I will ask you to leave, if you do not leave, I will call the police and tell them I think you are using drugs and ask them to help you leave the house.
There is no point arguing with a person on drugs. They cannot hear you or understand you. Would you argue with someone who didn't speak english or who was sleeping? Cuz it's pretty much the same thing. It just makes US look ridiculous.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I had my ranting lunatic moments - my AS had a way of pushing my buttons and getting me so mad that I would loose it. In his worst he would push me into a state that I would get physical. One time i was dropping him off at his dad's - we were having an argument because I had caught him going somewhere he didnt have permission to go (he was 14 at the time). He told me that my problem was I just needed to get laid. Dang - that one was way below the belt and I slapped him across the face. of course that meant he could then get violent too and it got pretty bad - I had to lock myself in my car while he ran around the car beating it and trying to break the windows in - fun stuff.
I now look back and realize that over and over again - he would try to get me crazy and I would respond by getting crazy and it happened over and over. I was giving him more ammunition to blame his problem on me. I even thought for a while that maybe i was loosing my mind. And I guess in a way I was becuase I was letting a child control who I was instead of controlling myself. When I let him manipulate me into getting out of control then I'm giving him all the power.
I do not have the power to control what he does but I do have the power to control what i do. Sometime I have to just get in the car and drive away. When i feel that craziness I get away from what is making me crazy. He can just act crazy alone.
Read my footer - I found that quote when I was at my craziest and just said yes - that's it - I'm not his tool anymore. I wont let him use me for his own means.
I now look back and realize that over and over again - he would try to get me crazy and I would respond by getting crazy and it happened over and over. I was giving him more ammunition to blame his problem on me. I even thought for a while that maybe i was loosing my mind. And I guess in a way I was becuase I was letting a child control who I was instead of controlling myself. When I let him manipulate me into getting out of control then I'm giving him all the power.
I do not have the power to control what he does but I do have the power to control what i do. Sometime I have to just get in the car and drive away. When i feel that craziness I get away from what is making me crazy. He can just act crazy alone.
Read my footer - I found that quote when I was at my craziest and just said yes - that's it - I'm not his tool anymore. I wont let him use me for his own means.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by jan123 
As far as finding evidence, I am a firm believer that "everything will be shown to you, when you are ready to see it". You are being taken care of more than you know, more than any of us really know.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by LostWife
I really need to get myself to that place. I cannot stand the anxiety any more!
You will, just give it time... all it takes is a little faith and a lot of courage
Unfortunatly for me, it took me quite a few painful lessons for me to get to the point where I just Let Go and Let God show me what i needed to do and what I needed to know..
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