Codependent Forum?
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 58
Codependent Forum?
Am I just missing it - or is there NOT a codependent related forum on here? As I'm learning, most of us are codependent or we wouldn't have been drawn to & stayed with addicts. I just learned New Years Eve just how much codependency is a problem for me. My AGF is, for the last time I believe, now my EX AGF. She's ramped up from perc's to oxy's and her mood changes & erratic behavior are off the charts. I refuse to deal with the lies, cheating and everything else that's thrown my way, anymore. I've let myself get sucked into her world - and it's damaged me a lot. Ok - I'VE damaged me a lot. I've read the Codependent No More book once - probably going to read it again & do the exercises this time around...but - I dunno...guess I'm looking for more.
Doesn't help right now that I'm raging inside with anger, hurt, disappointment, fear...so many emotions. I'd love to have gone to a Naranon meeting, but there have been none close by. And I don't know if it would really benefit me if the relationship is now ended...ugh...I hate that I let myself get so involved with a drug addict...I hate that I feel so angry...that she refuses to listen to how I feel (always says I'm throwing things in her face...that I keep acting like it's all about "me"...that SHE can't trust ME - its unbelieveable!!!) I hate that she's going to end up dead from the drugs & there is nothing I can do to stop it. I want to just get away - as far from her & everything that reminds me of her...but I can't...
Doesn't help right now that I'm raging inside with anger, hurt, disappointment, fear...so many emotions. I'd love to have gone to a Naranon meeting, but there have been none close by. And I don't know if it would really benefit me if the relationship is now ended...ugh...I hate that I let myself get so involved with a drug addict...I hate that I feel so angry...that she refuses to listen to how I feel (always says I'm throwing things in her face...that I keep acting like it's all about "me"...that SHE can't trust ME - its unbelieveable!!!) I hate that she's going to end up dead from the drugs & there is nothing I can do to stop it. I want to just get away - as far from her & everything that reminds me of her...but I can't...
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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You are in the right spot.
Friends and Families of Alcoholics = AlAnon and Friends and Families of Substance Abusers - NarAnon are for us Co-dependents.
What I find out is that either of these organizations could, did, and does help me tremendously. I mention AlAnon because many times in a given area there will be lots more meetings of AlAnon than there are of NarAnon.
On the day I achieved my 3 years continuously sober in AA, my AA Sponsor STRONGLY suggested that I start AlAnon immediately and get an AlAnon sponsor also. I was married to a 'sober alcoholic' at that time. That was a long time ago now, and I still am a member of both, don't go to as many meetings any more, but need 'gentle' reminders now and then, lol
What I found out was although AlAnon uses the same steps, somehow there was a different perspective presented to me, and I was able to look at myself in my co-dependent light. Learn about me, why I had chosen in the past and present a certain 'type' of person. How to set boundaries. How to 'say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it meanly.' etc just all sorts of things.
I would suggest, you only go if you want to. Try at least 6 meetings and take it from there.
I think you might be surprised.
Love and hugs,
Friends and Families of Alcoholics = AlAnon and Friends and Families of Substance Abusers - NarAnon are for us Co-dependents.
What I find out is that either of these organizations could, did, and does help me tremendously. I mention AlAnon because many times in a given area there will be lots more meetings of AlAnon than there are of NarAnon.
On the day I achieved my 3 years continuously sober in AA, my AA Sponsor STRONGLY suggested that I start AlAnon immediately and get an AlAnon sponsor also. I was married to a 'sober alcoholic' at that time. That was a long time ago now, and I still am a member of both, don't go to as many meetings any more, but need 'gentle' reminders now and then, lol
What I found out was although AlAnon uses the same steps, somehow there was a different perspective presented to me, and I was able to look at myself in my co-dependent light. Learn about me, why I had chosen in the past and present a certain 'type' of person. How to set boundaries. How to 'say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it meanly.' etc just all sorts of things.
I would suggest, you only go if you want to. Try at least 6 meetings and take it from there.
I think you might be surprised.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I'm sure there are some people on here that arent co-dependant and are healthy in the way they handle their addicts but most of us here would classify ourselves as codie which is why we need help too. So as Laurie said - you are in the right spot
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
My 2 Cents
As it relates to me, this forum is all about co-dependency, a term often used to describe people who care for people who are dependent upon alcohol or drugs. As it relates to me, it's a control thing....that goes above and beyond addiction and alcoholism-a belief system that someone else should conform to what I believe best for them- that my own sense of worth and happiness depends on what someone else does or not.
Off topic- maybe relevent:
I recently read a story of 900 passengers on a luxury cruise ship who believed their holiday cruise was ruined because 17 people chose to dress more casually on casual night , than is the custom on this ship. The majority wanted this family to be put off the ship at the next port of call. The Captain declined and so now the majority want their money back because their vacation was RUINED by the Captain's refusal to force 17 people to conform.
Now, most of us would say if this kind of thing is the biggest thing going on in your life, you are among the most fortunate people on Earth. Imagine the reaction of any of these people if confronted with destitution of spirit or physical well being if their parent, child, spouce/ significant, brother or sister was hell bent on destroying their life with alcohol or drugs.
They might deny a problem exists- it's not that bad. They might be inclined to believe they could support and love someone sober and when that does not work, they feel they are unworthy of love. They might become angry because the alcoholic/addict manipulates them, lies to them, steals from them and abuses them. They might impose themselves into the situation and recovery because they know better, what's best. And why oh why can't the Captian of the ship, just cure the damn thing. And back to square one....it's really not that bad, just a misunderstanding. And around we go.
Welcome to the Codie Cruise.
Off topic- maybe relevent:
I recently read a story of 900 passengers on a luxury cruise ship who believed their holiday cruise was ruined because 17 people chose to dress more casually on casual night , than is the custom on this ship. The majority wanted this family to be put off the ship at the next port of call. The Captain declined and so now the majority want their money back because their vacation was RUINED by the Captain's refusal to force 17 people to conform.
Now, most of us would say if this kind of thing is the biggest thing going on in your life, you are among the most fortunate people on Earth. Imagine the reaction of any of these people if confronted with destitution of spirit or physical well being if their parent, child, spouce/ significant, brother or sister was hell bent on destroying their life with alcohol or drugs.
They might deny a problem exists- it's not that bad. They might be inclined to believe they could support and love someone sober and when that does not work, they feel they are unworthy of love. They might become angry because the alcoholic/addict manipulates them, lies to them, steals from them and abuses them. They might impose themselves into the situation and recovery because they know better, what's best. And why oh why can't the Captian of the ship, just cure the damn thing. And back to square one....it's really not that bad, just a misunderstanding. And around we go.
Welcome to the Codie Cruise.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
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