"Crazy Making" ....
 

Some of you might understand what I'm saying when I use the term "crazy making"... "Covert Abuse" ... "Passive Aggressive Behavior" ..... but that can pretty much sum up exactly what I am experiencing in this relationship with my RAB... and I'm just now in the calm after the storm or just in the middle of it still and checking out?

But now that drug abuse is not the center of it all .... the above certainly NOW is.... and it's actually always just been there - but the drug use over powered it! When really the above was just a symptom of the addiction.

So... as an update... which really doesn't have any examples - it pretty much summarizes it in a general fashion.

I'm so frustrated... and I am struggling BIG TIME with resentments.... and that IS what I feared would happen - and it's happening.

I love SR - it has helped me uncover my codependency issues and I am working on them - but it is still ever more clear that I have still so much work to do!

I've been very busy with work and then dealing with all this "crazy making"... but there has not been drug use - so I guess you could say that is a step in the right direction?

Sorry - this is just a vent... I'm going to use this energy now and make something of myself and my home in a positive way... and cry and release.

Love you ALL xoxoxo

There is a difference between just putting down the drug and recovery. It's great he stopped using, but that's just the beginning. If he's not going to meetings or finding any support group to help him learn to live well sober, then you can expect much of the same.

Often we blame bad behaviour on the drugs and are suprised when they get clean to see the same kind of behaviour continue.

What matters most, whether they are using or not, is OUR recovery because that gives us tools to deal with whatever comes along.

Have you tried meetings yet, because if you haven't this might be a good time to begin. And if you have, this might be a good time to find a sponsor to help you get past the abuse and into making good choices for yourself.

Hugs

HEYYYYYYY!

It is so good to see you here; I've missed you on SR. But I wish you were feeling better.......BIG BIG GIGANTIC HUGS for you......vent, cry, scream...... release all you need to.....sometimes it can be cleansing for the soul.

I know you've been busy with work, but is it possible for you to do something to get your focus back on you.......something just for you......?? Abundance time! Recapture some of that positive energy.....you are so worth it!!

Maybe you could do this:


:Meditate:


Or this....

:sun2


Or.......

:bananadan (with Jack of course)

Love ya too......

One of the things I've heard in the rooms that to me is so true is the saying "the drug is just a symptom of the disease." As Ann said, putting down the drug without some sort of recovery work changes little. But I suspect you know that and know only he can change what he is doing. I am glad you are coming back to post here and work on your own recovery. Hope you make time for yourself to catch some meetings too. Hugs

I am glad for the update. I have been thinking about you lately and wondering how you are doing. I have always liked your shares. Like was said above, An addict that gets clean is still only a clean addict. Maybe if your RAB gets miserable enough he will attend meetings. I remember when I was in my late teens, early twenties going to a psychiatrist because my parents thought that I was depressed. Well after 9 visits she told me that I had good insight into myself and when I was ready to change my behavior I would. It took me a few more years to get the meaning of what she said, but when the pain of what I was doing to myself was more than I could handle, I made changes. Hugs, Marle

My ex wasnt a drug addict but was very passive agressive (with computer addiction) and i've found that this personality type is so dangerous with my codie tendancies. My AS seemed to pick up a lot from my ex on how to treat me. Say one thing and do another or punish me when i didnt comply with their wants. I'm finding that I tend to be drawn to how this type of person treats me because of my own insecurities. I'm staying away from any men for now until i get myself healthy and strong - I would rather be alone then make these mistakes all over again.

I can relate. Just because someone puts down drugs doesn't mean all the damage they have done (to their own brains and to their relationships with others) goes away. It doesn't mean that they are all better. The behaviors that led them to drug use are still there. Until they learn new coping skills or way of functioning in the world, there is a relapse bubbling under the surface.

Take away the drugs from an unrecovered addict, and what do you have left? An unrecovered addict.

If I keep my focus on me and being the best mother & person I can be - if I focus on my own problems and challenges, it helps keep the attention and the focus off the addicts problems - but it doesn't make his problems go away. The only thing that will make his problems go away would be to make HIM GO AWAY.

As long as I allow an unrecovered addict to be part of my life, my life will always be crazy-making. I own that choice.

An unrecovered addict.... just because the drugs are gone, doesn't mean much does it??? I get this totally. This is what I what my kids are struggling with ... they tell me, "what's the big deal, Dad's not smoking anymore, so everything is fine... Don't know why you have a problem"... Actually picking up the joint, popping the pill... whatever is only the tip of the problem. It's all the damage that has been done. How come we get this and the addict doesn't... no recovery??????