howareyounow

the terror and panic of last night has calmed. I'm in a sort of numb fog. I haven't slept.
In the end I am thankfull for what happened last night. I have no choice but to move forward with a reality that was forced so violently on me. It's like a movie.
I've been given a chance to not drag this out. (I had hope, and started to believe the lies again). I would never wish what happended to me on anyone else, but it may be what saves me and the kids in the end from alot of further pain. Till now It hasnt sunk in. I guess I was codependent.
I see what I have done wrong now. My mother is coming to stay with me for a while, to help me do the things I need to do...further the separation, arrange my finances, get the car....AND STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
I haven't had the chance to start to grieve my loss yet. (I always keep a happy little fake smile for the kids...as if nothing is wrong...I need to get some time alone to cry and stuff).

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR BEING THERE FOR ME. I dont' know how I would have made it....really.
I will never forget what everyone has done for me. I will always have you in my prayers. I have been blessed....even in this ^%&%$^time. I hope we can all find peace one day.

imallright

Hon, I know how terrible this is. I have been there. So have others. I had a dealer come to my house and hand me his stuff. I was floored. I took it. Didn't know what to do. He wasn't there and there I stood with a baby on my hip and his stuff in my hand.

Reach out. Stay strong. Remember it is about you. That is all you can do is take care of you and those kids. Glad your Mom is there that is a great sign of strength and support. I was "dumb" at that time... I didn't want anyone to know and I handled it on my own... which in retrospect means that I didn't handle it. Took me even longer than "right in my own hand" to know that I was sick and needed help too.

You are ahead of where I was. Thank God! Stay there. Stay strong and know that we are here for you. HUGS

havehope

Glad you are feeling a bit calmer this morning. I think the numb part is something we have all experienced. Just no feelings at all. I am glad your mom is coming up to halp you. That is a blessing for you and the kids.
Sending you some hugs this morning. Maybe you can get some rest today/tonight.
SR is a great place to vent and get encouragement from others who have walked this path.

laurie6781

I am gladyou are feeling calmer this AM. I do believe as 'rough' as this was last night it was truly a "God Shot."

I have learned over these past years, there are no coincidences, everything happens for a reason. No one will convince mean that was not HP doing for you and the children what needed to be done, to give you that teeny tiny bit of 'proof' that it was time, time to make the changes that have been hovering.

I am glad your Mom will be with you and the kids. The kids will have gramma and Mom will have that extra positive support right at hand, so Mom and keep moving forward.

Stay close. We do care.

Love and hugs,

NeedingHelp7

Hi there, You made it through and you are still standing....I'm glad everything has calmed for you today. I remember the sleepless nights all so well. Hopefully you can get some cat naps today. Glad mom is coming to spend time with you.

Please never do what I did the first time.... and go looking for your AH. I spent 1am-3am driving with a friend throughout the worst streets of the city AH was in. At the last minute before giving up, I did find the car parked at a bar, the bar was closed, and AH was no where around, I brought the car home. Thankyou God!!!!!

Anyways....The best thing to do is take care of yourself as you would take care of your children.
Pamper yourself. Do things that will make you feel better no matter how small.

A multi-vitamin will also help for you and the children, taken at 1 hr before bed will help you sleep, and give you energy for the next day ahead, it will also help you from falling into depression. Thank God for the B-complex vitamins, that keep us from insane thinking during stressful times. And prayers, prayers from psalms help much.

This is okay, it keeps the children as detached from the drama as possible that AH is causing. I did this for so long, and still am doing it at times, especially the holidays were rough, and I had to put on a "happy face." Pretty soon the happy feelings come, with the happy face.

Hang on, your doing well. One step at a time.... one day at a time.

Seren

I'm so glad to hear that the morning has been calmer, quieter, and much more positive. Hugs to you, your kids, and your Mom.

Hang in there....:ghug

itisatruth

Just as addicts need to find their "bottom" for them to want recovery, I think we do too sometimes -- something to make us realize that it's time to take steps to get out of that scary place.

By the time I read your thread last night it was really late, but I could feel your pain and fear..........I'm so thankful you made it through and are feeling more calm today. You may feel numb for a while but today can be the first day of a better life for you and your children.

winnie12

I'm so sorry that i came in late on this. I read your posts and i know that must have been a horrible time for you but thank goodness you now know. You've had so many questions dealing with this new part of your life and maybe HP decided you needed an answer that you would not question - this was a tough night for you but was a real gift. As hard as it was I'm glad you finally know the truth and know that this isnt going to just go away so easily. Now just step back - get out of his circle and move on with this knowledge.

You have gone through such a shock over the last few weeks and you have handled it remarkably well - where you are takes some of us a lifetime to get to. Now you just need to trust your judgment. Expect nothing from your husband and if he does change you can be pleasantly surprised. You are not responsible for him and he has other people who will take that role on now.

Limiya

Hey, i'm glad you feel a lot better now. What a horrible experience that must have been.
Am here for you.

~Limiya~