bluebelle

I hope that you can get a little bit of sleep tonight. I'm glad that your mom is coming home. His brain isn't working because of the drugs--that is what it does to people.

Ann

Sweetie, look at the power you are giving him. You are emotionally sick, your mother is giving up the south to come to you, and I'm sorry to say this but your kids will pick up on your distress and feel scared too.

Maybe just don't anwer his calls or take his messages. You KNOW what he is doing, and now you must decide that either that is acceptable as part of your life or it is not.

I'm not saying any of this is easy. What I am saying is that you have choices today and you can get through this and provide a good home for yourself and your children.

It's up to you, I can't tell you what to do, but please remember that you always have a choice in what you allow into your life.

Hugs

Evanna

Oh honey. I just read your thread & was moved to tears. This is the stuff of nightmares. I dont have any wisdom but i thank god that you have this forum, have your mum and your kids.

You are brave beyond words. Please know that I heard everything you said here and am rooting for you.

Kindest Regards Ev.

Seren

Howareyounow.....welcome to the roller coaster of being codependent with an addict. We want so much to believe that they are going to do what they say and that even their own addiction is somehow distant and unreal if we don't see them snort, smoke, whatever....

I'm so sorry for your sadness and panic last night. You are now separated, right. Just keep that healthy distance for yourself and protect the children.

Hugs! HG

greeteachday

I'm sorry you are going through such pain. I have found that I have two paths when I reach that point of darkness. I can let the circumstances make me a victim or I can see this as an opportunity for a journey in growth and self discovery. As Ann said, the choice is mine - I own my own actions regardless of what others do.

The sentence you wrote above jumped out at me. I think many of us come here because "we lost me" - I know it was part of my reason. But I found the idea of finding me to be empowering, and the more I read and came to meetings, the less it became a burden and the more it became a wonderful journey to a better, happier, more serene way of life.
I know you are in deep pain now, but keep taking those baby steps - don't speak with him, don't get sucked into thinking his actions are in any way your responsibility or in any way caused by you. He has to find his own way...the more you get involved, the longer it will take him to realize that using is painful - too painful to continue.
We are here for you and understand. Yes, we all came here in pain and have suffered, but many of us, once we chose recovery for ourselves and started focusing on ourselves, have found an end to suffering and a truly better way of living. There is hope - we do recover! Hugs

havehope

I hope you are somewhat better this morning. Let us know how you are.
As Greet said above, many of us here discovered we had lost ourselves while putting so much time and energy in trying to help our addicts. I found finding myself to be a scary thing at first, but powerful now. My life is more peaceful now.
I'm glad your mom is coming to help you out. Stay strong and know that you have more power over this situation than you might think.
Still praying for you and your family.
HUGS

rahsue

Everyone here has been where you are right now, some worse.

Don't leave everything up to chance.
seek help through alanon or naranon meetings, friends, family.
don't try to go through this alone.
Keep coming back here, boy have the smarties in this room saved me on more than one occassion.
It's hard to swallow right now but it will get easier.

knowledge is power so drink up all the knowledge on addiction that you can it will really help you with decision making.

good luck and
God bless

Callie

I know that feeling of panic all too well. My AH has put me in that position many times. You can't breath, can't focus, your adrenaline is pumping. I remember pacing the floors in my house - putting a pillow over my face (I was here alone) screaming, yelling until my throat hurt. Frantically trying to call him - to find out what exactly he was doing. My head spinning, the tears, deep sorrow just wouldn't stop. Here's an example http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-rehab.html He always knew what to say to "talk me down". Sometimes things were blown out of proportion by me (because he'd just lie anyway so I made up my own scenario). Sometimes what I saw or heard was what really happened.

My point is, many of us have been in that state of panic. I'm so sorry you've had to experience it. Try to do what you can to get your head on straight, to find your bearings. Feeling this way benefits no one. Take the time to calm down and then address the issue. Have you read codependent no more by Melodie Beattie? I've read it about 4 years ago and just picked it up at the library yesterday. I'm finding myself ALL OVER that book and I"m only about page 20. Try to remember that the panic you feel will pass. If he was indeed doing what it seems, maybe your HP was telling you what you needed to know. Maybe you found out the information that you need to write the final chapter in your marriage.

Hope you're feeling better today. I'm not clear on what exactly he was doing?? Either way, If it was an affair - I've been there done that, it's not fun. If it was drugs again - BTDT many times as well. I'm still standing and you will be too. Hugs to you and hope you can gain clarity in the next few days.

Fulldresser4

Oh honey ((((((hugs))))))). I'm an alcoholic but I saw your thread and was moved. I will be praying for you and your family. Don't worry about "ruining" your Mom's vacation. She wouldn't come if she didn't want to. It's just what Moms do. My dh is now living with his girlfriend, but towards the end he wouldn't come home and wouldn't call. I know all too well that panic, that sick feeling in your stomach. I can't even being to image listening to what you did on the phone. That said, there are no mistakes in God's world, and although it was probably one of the worst things you ever had to go through, it was for a reason. Perhaps it was clarity to see what was really going on. I don't know the answer, and you may never know. But know this....even in the worst of times, He holds us in the palm of His hands.

((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Annie

cessy68

How,

I am so sad to hear you in that kind of pain......

Please, please, read cynical ones post on 'when does the pain stop'......

It helped me immensly.

I know that panic, I rolled in my bed last night rocking back and forth crying into a pillow, asking 'why why why why why' this went on for 2hrs before I fell asleep only to wake up 3hrs later, and cry again.

I"M SOOOOOO sorry for your pain,
If I could say anything- I would - but nothing will remove it.....

If you keep trying to read and understand, something, someone will help you,
it's the loving support you need right now.

I'm sorry again,
Love,
Cessy