bluebelle

ABF has finally seen a new psychiatrist. She's putting him on Suboxone. He's starting tomorrow morning. He's really happy with this psych. She's going to eventually adjust his antidepressant, too. She thinks that he will be less likely to relapse while he's taking the subs. She's also going to monitor his prescriptions with other doctors (our state uses a database for addictive prescriptions). He's happy with the monitoring--he wants the structure.

He really seems to be serious this time. His relapse seemed to have helped him realize that he needs more help and structure. I'm really working on hands off. He has even noticed that I'm doing so much better this time (than the first recovery). He noticed that I haven't been giving him all kinds of advice and structuring his recovery for him.

I think I realized how absolutely awful I felt when he relapsed. I was unbelievaby depressed and felt like my world was ending. The pain that I felt has led me to working on myself--I have been posting and reading on here, I've been reading books, and I got a full-time job. I'll be taking one class this semester. It's good. All this work and classes has helped me focus on myself which is good for both of us.

I'm trying to get myself together. I have some credit card debt after last semester. I was taking full-time classes, and not working. So, I've got to work on that. Pretty much, I'm just trying to take better care of myself. It helps. I feel better, and ABF says it's much more pleasant for him. Really, we're both just having to take this one day at a time. I guess my biggest thing is that I've been trying to work on my attitude. I'm trying to be more positive. I've found that it really just weighs me down.

I may try his psychiatrist. I'm on a waiting list for another one, but his psych has a shorter waiting list. I take antidepressants, and I'd like to be able to take less. Plus, I'm still having trouble with anxiety and some depression. I am trying to learn that my happiness/depression/anxiety has nothing to do with his using. Well, it does effect me, of course. I'm just trying to learn that this isn't all about him and the drugs. Even when he's off the drugs, we both have stuff to work on.

I'm a little anxious about the subs thing, but that's understandable. I'm normally anxious. That's something I need to work on.

jerect

Hi Bluebelle,

My AH has been on Subs for 2.5 months now... I was really anxious like you are right now but over time I have learned to just let go and put it in my HP's hands..

Are the subs working? Honestly I have no clue... my AH says he has not used since October 24th.. only he knows the truth..

Good job on starting to work on yourself.. thats what I have had to do... I can no longer worry about what my AH does or doesn't do, if he is taking the subs as prescribed or if he is using and taking at the same time.. or even if he is going to his NA meetings like he says he is... none of that is my business anymore..


I'm finding this to be very true... we both each have seperate programs that we are working on.. then there is our marriage.. a marriage that has been so broken because of his addiction.. My AH and I have a lot of healing and forgiving to work on...it's a one day at a time process..

By working on me and staying out of my AH's "business" ..our relationship has improved.. it's not where I would like it to be at this point but it sure is a lot better then it was three months ago...

Good luck to you both

Jen

marle

My daughter has been on Suboxone since May. She self-medicated depression. She says that the subs help with the depression. She started on 16 mgs. and has weaned down to 4 mgs. Says that she is feeling tired. That happens when they wean. If your ABF really wants recovery, Suboxone can give him the time he needs to start working on himself. There is never a guarantee though and that is why we need a program too so that we can learn to take care of ourselves. I suffer from anxiety too but I know that it was there long before my daughter became an addict. Controlling was my way of dealing with my anxiety and now that I am learning to let go, I have periods of very bad anxiety. But I am trying to deal with it in a different way. Hugs, Marle

bluebelle

He's starting on 16 mg Suboxone a day. I hope it helps him with the withdrawals. he also has trouble with depression. He realizes that he was self-medicating with the codeine.

I know that I have to keep my focus on myself. It's a struggle sometimes. There was a point about a year ago when I had a revelation. I was extremely upset--couldn't stop crying, etc. This is during his first recovery. I realized that nobody was taking care of me. It upset me a lot. Then, I realized that only I can take care of me. So, I'm trying to remember that. I try to stop myself when I want to take care of him over taking care of me. Sometimes, it is as simple as stating what I want to do, what I need, where I want to go, etc.

greeteachday

You sound really good Bluebelle and like you are working hard at taking good care of yourself. I'm glad your boyfriend sounds commited to his recovery too. Hugs