howareyounow

So my Ah is now detoxed (clean test etc)
He sounds great, he's been up early, going to apts.
Getting things done that he needs to do. He feels better than he has in months. He's gone to a lawyer. He's getting his new living arrangements together same with work etc....

AND I'M LEFT WITH 2 KIDS (one is sick now!)
I'm exhausted. Scarred over my future, and still dealing with all the 'mess' he left.

AND HE GETS A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP, A ROOF OVER HIS HEAD.....
And is excited for his future.

What the hell happend?
What have I done?
This is not fair.

....yes, I'm happy for him....

Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but it kinda sucks.
Maybe he is actually happy our marriage is ending.
Maybe he wanted this all along?

itiswhatitis...

god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference...

all you can do is take care of yourself - i know it seems overwhelming with little kids but you have to do it - take care of yourself and ask for help if you need to - i've been there and once i started to take care of myself, go to alanon meetings and give up control of things i really had no control over in the first place - my life changed - it really did...

godspeed,
sue

outtolunch

It's a miracle.

Responsible adults take care of their obligations. When can you expect some financial assistance from him, for the welfare of his children?

Impurrfect

As a recovering addict, I can tell you that if he has a conscious, these great feelings are soon balanced out with the feelings of dealing with what he has done during the times of using.

I felt great, at first, too. Then I had to face what I had put my family through, the financial mess I had caused myself. I had legal and career issues, too, and am STILL dealing with that crap.

On the other hand, maybe you can look at your life in a different way. You GET to have your 2 kids...he doesn't. You don't have to worry about how you've hurt anyone by your addiction...you've been there for your kids, the whole time. Focus on the good in your life, and stop comparing it to what's going on in his life, right now. Things aren't always as they seem...especially when addiction is involved.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

winnie12

My husband left me a while back. He moved into a very nice apartment - got all new furniture, plasma tv, new car, new girl. He was going out and having fun - everything he thought he wanted. I on the other hand was sitting here with my two kids, working my butt off trying to make ends meet, dealing with AS, trying to pick up the pieces, trying to help my kids get through it and trying to keep my head up. It hurt like hell and it seemed so unfair that he was getting off scott free when it was his mess I was trying to clean up.

Fast forward to today and he is homeless, jobless, carless and has no real relationship with his daughter. So his house of cards that looked so perfect from the outside fell in around him. I'm not saying that your husband will loose everything and that you should enjoy that as some sort of revenge. What I'm saying is that things sometimes look perfect when they are not. Think about your life before - he was able to fool you and convince you that there were no problems - I would suspect that he is still trying to fool you that there are no problems. Your husband has lost his family and he may be able to smile through the pain but he'll never escape it completely. He has lost much more than you have. Its good that he is feeling well because that is what he is going to need to be able to be productive and help you with the responsibilities so be thankful for that but dont compare your life to his becuase you dont really know what he is truly going through or feeling. If I had to choose I would much rather be in your shoes then his - your's is hard work but his is lonely and shameful.

liesagain

Its difficult when it seems that we are the ones that suffer and they seem to just "move on"

But think back to the start of your relationship with him........I'd bet he was great, had things and was mr wonderful..................well mr. wonderful is not long lasting as I would bet you figured out...................and the new relationship will find the same things out eventually.

Knowing this doesnt make the pain any easier...........and then theres those nagging feelings like somehow we werent good enough or they will be great without us thus making us look like the problem

but the truth is.................you know mr wonderful from not so wonderful and you should know that if it was that easy for him to get "all better" he would have done it before now........................its NOT you it never was this is all him

my suggestion is you try to find alittle time for yourself work on yourself and your family..........and remind yourself everyday that YOU are worth more than he had to give and anything he appears to be giving now...........you had once and know doesnt last.........

hugs

NeedingHelp7

My AH tries to "act" like he's doing great and happy too. He's tries to "act" like I'm missing out on something by not being with him. I tell him he should go to "Hollywood" he would make a great actor.