URMYEVERYTHING

Well, I figured since there is a parent check in- I would start a check in for those who deal with addicts on the spouse/dating/intimate relationship level.

MY HB is in rehab after a 2mo. run (good)
He did it on his own (good)
I didn't enable (good)
He is making amends to return my stolen jewelry/get out of pawn (good)
He has plans to how he will recover (good)
He is willing to listen to my pain and how he hurt me (good). For the first time he stuck around long enough to hear how he damages relationships.

I'm depressed (bad) but working on it everyday by going to support groups and seeing a therapist (good).
I still hold onto hate for his actions (bad) but learning that's what addicts do (good).
I have set up boundaries (good) and was able to verbalize them without remorse or feeling bad (good)

Only one day at a time. I have stopped planning how my life will end up and giving it a time frame. Live for the moment and enjoy each day as it comes. Brace for the ups and downs and NEVER be surprised by another one's actions.

Happy New Year!!

OhBrother

I wish my sister's bf was on this site. He'd have a lot to add to this thread! Since he's not, I assume he'd say:
Her being in rehab and counselling since November (good)
Trying to shake the old habits and old "friends" tying her down to that lifestyle (still working on it).

itisatruth

And how are you doing Ohbrother?

I think it's great you are such a caring and supportive brother, but I'm hoping you do things for yourself to keep your own sanity while dealing with your sis.

As for me, I feel pretty good where I am right now emotionally. I'm taking better care of myself. I feel strong. I feel like I know what I want -- to live life free from the drama and insanity of addiction and get back to the positive, happy person I was -- and I am ready to take steps to get there.

That's not to say I am exactly where I think I should be. For so long I felt that the only thing I could do (but wouldn't for some reason) was to leave my AH. It was all consuming. Why is he doing this? Why do I put up with it? Why am I still here? Why am I so weak? Why? WHY? WHY????? But today I'm satisfied with waking up, praying, and letting each day unfold on life's terms instead of mine. The peace I have felt lately is unbelievable at times -- like how is this possible for me NOT to be miserable about still being here? But I'm going with it. I'm working on rebuilding MY life.

I can't tell the future. I don't know whether I will ultimately leave or stay. I don't know whether or not I will see a lawyer like I planned. I do believe I want happiness and serenity in my life.

As for my AH, he has 39 days off everything. He is going to NA meetings and picked up his 30 day chip tonight. I'm happy for him but I don't know for sure if our marriage is repairable. I hope we will both find our ways.

LOVE AND PEACE TO SR FRIENDS WHO HELP OTHERS BY SHARING AND CARING!

jerect

AH started on Suboxone Oct 25th (Good)
AH started going to AA/NA meetings Nov 25th (good)
AH quit drinking Alcohol Dec 2nd (good)
AH still smokes pot (Bad)
AH still hanging out with the same people and places where drugs and alcohol are present (BAD)


I started going back to Alanon in late September (good)
I have turned all my problems over to my HP (good)
My hands are all over my program and not my AH's program (good)

My AH and myself have come a long way in a short period of time but we still have a very long way to go.. I have no expectations of my AH making a full recovery.. I'm hoping for the best but preparing myself for the worst. My AH still exhibits a lot of addict behavior. I realize it takes time for this behavior to go away as he has to learn new behavior. Lately my gut has been screaming at me that he just might be using again.. it's taking all I can do not to snoop through his things and confirm my fears.

I'm really unsure of the path that my marriage is going to take this year... and right now I'm ok with that.. A year ago the thought of leaving him was just not an option... Now, if I have to leave him then so be it... my happiness and well being are much more important then staying in a relationship that causes so much pain and insanity. Right now, I'm totally immersed in my program..I'm working on myself and I can only hope that AH is doing the same... we will either grow apart or we will grow together..either way I know that I will be ok..

Alaia

Ex-abf went to detox on Nov. 8th, Then to a holding on Nov. 14th and is now in a program house. He will have 60 days on the 14th. He will be in the program house for 3-6 months. I hope he continues into a half-way house afterwards. It seems he need constant supervision and the support system that these programs offer. I pray everyday that he will recover. :praying

I have been taking care of me and living my life. We have no contact, but his mom calls me once in awhile to tell me how he is doing. The no contact was my idea. He needs to focus on himself right now. Seems to me like it's working.

barblsn

My RAH is now working full time
He goes to the Work Release Facility Sat-Mon.
No meeting, no counseling


I am staying the heck out of his way.