He says he's detoxing

Old 12-29-2008, 09:09 PM
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He says he's detoxing

My husband told me on the phone today that he's been to the 'Drug program place' and they started him on Methedone. He sounded fine. But now I just called him (yes, I need to stay away but I'm so scarred he'll die).
He said he can't talk, he's starting to feel 'bad/sick'. I didn't know you could feel bad with the methedone...isn't that the point.

I'm so worried my children wont have him around for too long (other post, he has type 1 diabetes)

Also he seems to sometimes (using) to have no emotions.
It's like he doesnt care. But now I wonder did he ever. Or maybe he was using a lot longer then he says (first it was 2 months then 6 months...I dont know what the truth is)

My life is unravelling,
I realise rebuilding my life on my own will be 'my' very diffecult 'recovery'
He's left me broke, in debt (and to drug dealers i bet), and out of the work force for 6 years (it will be hard to get a good job now), 2 great kids to support....

I have no faith anymore, I dont think he can kick this forever.
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Old 12-29-2008, 09:41 PM
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I'm sorry life is so rough right now and hope he manages to do better.

Now is a good time for you to find work that will help you and your children get by. No matter how he does, it is important that you are able to take care of yourself.

Meetings helped me regain my balance and you may want to try some as well. Live support is so important and will help you more than you know.

And we're here to walk with you. Hope your life takes a good turn soon.

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Old 12-29-2008, 10:03 PM
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welcome to s.r. i am glad you are here. we are all here to help you with your recovery. you can do this if you really want to. living with an addict is hard & they can make you think you can not do anything but you around,there are a lot just like you. focus on yourself & your kids. sending prayers up for you & your kids & your husband too.
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Old 12-30-2008, 02:10 PM
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My heart goes out to you during this really hard time.

Whether he can lick the drugs or not is outside of your control and it sounds like you have enough to deal with just putting your life back together. First, consider getting off the roller coaster. My experience with my addict is that if I follow her actions I am up and down and sideways every day - it's exhausting! He is an adult and responsible for himself and obviously he knows how to get help.

I know what it's like to fear the worst - and then have a lot of it come true. I came to realize that if I could find peace with what might be the worst outcome, I could free myself. I know that sounds really hard. If you can release your husband to his HP, you might be able to free yourself. In the end, you can't save him, he has to do that.

Also, I mentor a child of a single mom who went through a lot of hard times. She doesn't have a lot of marketable skills but what she HAS done is really educate herself in terms of all the support she can get from whereever she can get it. She works a couple of part time jobs to make ends meet but keeps her hours low so she can be there for her kids. Beyond her work, she's not too proud to accept help from the county, children's services, etc.

If you need additional support, you may want to start by calling around. You could start with your county social services. They often know how to get debt relief, job training, etc. Another thing I tried with my niece is to call some local women's shelters. While you might not be ready for that, they also know of other support services you might qualify for that could help. There are also things like crisis nurseries or big brother/big sister organizations (when you just need a break from the kids and they benefit from some good role models - the one I mentor for is called Kinship), and there are also church organizations, etc. If you're not afraid to go down a few blind alleys, there is a lot of help out there.

I am amazed at how the mother of my mentor child has put together a very good life for herself and her kids because she reaches out to whomever and wherever she can to get for herself and her kids the help they need. I think she is a great mom in this way.

Lastly, I don't have experience with Methodone, but a friend of mine has a brother on it. He is concerned about his brother because he tells me that methodone is a narcotic and that his brother is "spacey" on it. I don't know if there is a viable alternative - if your husband was doing heroine, I know it is very hard to kick. Even if he stays on the methodone, he's a long way from out of the woods.

Prayers that your HP shows you the way.
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Old 12-30-2008, 09:43 PM
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My daughter started on methadone 1 year ago, and it took a long time to get onto it. She spent weeks doing pee tests and counseling before they would even start her on it. then they start you on a very low dose and work up. So for the first few weeks you still have to use, until the dose is such you do not become sick anymore. When the dose is tooooo low or toooo high, they are very sleepy, nodding off in conversations etc.

Did you read the sticky's at the top of the page?? Some of them are very helpful...esp...what addicts do. I'm not sure how it works in the GTA but up here in Kingston, that's the way the methadone clinic apparently works...

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Old 12-31-2008, 09:26 AM
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wow, they started him the same day he went to see a Dr.
I'm not too happy they just put him on it. Just like that. I've been reading that it's VERY hard to get off.
Why couldn't he just not do 2-5 days of hell getting off heroin?.

(I had Hyperemesis gravidarum twice with my children (extreme moring sickness), I was completely incapacitated, sick beyond comprehension, and just wanted to die....yet I got through it.....and even got pregnant the 2nd time KNOWING how bad it would be....I made the sacrifice for my family (we wanted kids)....for months all I wanted was to go to the Dr. and BEG him to terminate the pregnancy, of jump off a bridge)....MONTHS I WENT THROUGH THIS.)

So forgive me ...."You %$% as* hole Junkie husband, you weak, pathetic excuss for a father/husband, you are weak, weak, weak and I hate you for it."

(yes I'm angry)

This sort of seals the deal for me (to separate) because he will still be an active addict.
Just for Methedone now. I dont think He would be a 'good' thing living with our children.
I'm just dying inside to have to 'let him go'.

I'm on day 4 now of dealing with this and being alone to pick up the pieces.
I'm mornning the loss of my dreams, family, love, memories and a sense of trust.
He is complaining/sad over drugs....I hate you so much.
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:55 AM
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So sorry but i laughed at your rant - how many times have i heard a similar statement come out of my mouth. Anger is not always a bad emotion to feel and i dont think you need to apologize - especially to us. Anger tells us something is wrong or dangerous and its part of the grief process which you are going through over this loss. You are doing amazingly well and I'm proud of you - where you are right now has taking some of us months and years to get to.

Myself when i feel like that - I like scream therapy - usually I do it in the car (cause neighbors may call police if they heard us screaming at home). My daughter likes to join in with me. When we are so mad about this stuff we just scream at the top of our lungs and it feels great. The other thing we do is "shake it off" she actually likes that one better. We just stand up and shake our bodies uncontrollably until we're dizzy and laughing. Its great therapy and helps to release those feelings of anger or sadness. Anytime she is crying or upset about her dad or her brother - we talk it through and when we're done i say "now shake it off." She'll be laying on the floor laughing her head off in no time - especially when she watches her goofy mom doing it.
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Old 12-31-2008, 10:10 AM
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Well actually that's kinda what I was you think they really put him on methadone? The same day he showed up. It's a tightly controlled just seems kinda strange. But they could do it differently I guess. I know only certain doctors have the ability to prescribe methadone. And there are guidelines they have to adhere to. Just kinda thought since we're in the same province that things would be sorta the same?
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Old 12-31-2008, 01:48 PM
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The problem can't really believe anything he TELLS you. They will say anything they think you want to hear. You'll know whats going on soon enough by his actions.

My exah went on methadone after two failed rehab attempts (heroin addiction). I absolutely HATED the idea of him getting on that stuff...I hated him for not just quitting...for not just putting our son and our family first. I ranted just like you are about why he couldn't just 'man up' and go thru the withdraws and move forward. Go ahead and rant...go ahead and be as mad as hell...because you have every right to be.

The thing is...about the methadone...(if he really is on it) that his recovery has to be on his terms. Its all about him. Just like addiction is a completely selfish is recovery. Let him do it his way. I hated the methadone and my exah was on it for about 4 years and recently switched to suboxone and he's doing really well lately. He swears the methadone saved his life...I think its the cowards way out...but what I think doesn't really matter. I used to think that was insane...that I had every right to have an opinion about what he should be doing seeing as we were married and have a child together and everything...but it wasn't until I could learn to just let go and leave him to his own way of doing things that I found any PEACE in my life.

You have every right to your feelings. Just try, if you can, to put your energy and focus on YOU and your kids and leave him to find his own way out of this mess. I know its still very early on in the process...and the whole idea of leaving him alone with his problem seems counter-intuitive...especially you're probably the 'fixer' in your relationship...the one who jumps in to make things right...but this addiction is absolutely, positively, 100% beyond your ability to fix. THe only person you can save is yourself...and your precious children.

I feel so bad for you. I know how hard it is to have your world collapse suddenly...I hope you find strength on this forum...
Sending hugs and strength and wishes that your find peace in 2009 no matter what direction your ah may take.
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:22 PM
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Thanks SO MUCH for letting me rant....
It felt good.

I'm going to try shaking it off!

(Apperently he was able to get the methedone treatment right away was because of his Diabetes, they said he needed medical treatment in a hospital to detox or he could die in the process of the detox. The only bed available was in 6 weeks. My husband said he could not wait and didn't want to be on heroin anymore, so the only option was to start methedone....he is going to still go in for the medical detox in Feb. but I guess now it will be for methedone ...)I think since it's a big treatment center in a big city they do it faster...this may NOT in fact be better however....

I also found out that on Christmas eve he stole money out of my mother and my joint account. He spent hundreds of dollars that day on herroin. I kept on calling him and asking where he was, he kept saying he was still christmas shopping, I said that it was Christmas eve and the family should be all together, he was only suppost to be gone for about one hour, he was gone till dinner....sad part of this story is he had the baby with him all day.....THat scares me.

I told him to find a bridge and jump off it. That after what he has done no human should live with themselves.....
...I said I didn't mean it after...
but I know I should not have said that (he was calling crying, very depressed, he said he's only alive now for the kids)
He also came clean about selling off his wedding ring.
How much does a user really spend? is it thousands or hundreds?

we used to laugh, travel, talk and play.

Now I know he would do litterally anything to get high.

Happy New year everyone.
I hope we all have a better 2009
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:39 PM
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I am so sorry for you I know what it is like all the lieing and stealing. It does seem like they need a lot of money for these drugs. My son took my bank card took my money then put the card back. When my checks were bouncing all over the place I don't know what happened the bank put the money back into my account I had some kind of insurance on it if anything liked that happened but I still wanted to know what happened to my money when the statment came back they had a list of everywhere he went to get money out and I know it was him. He said it wasn't a while later he said he did it I didn't talk to him for a while told him he was taking food out of his kids mouth but he didn't care he got over again. Be strong this could be a long fight for you. God Bless you and your kids.
Love ya,
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:32 PM
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I answered your post on the other thread about the methadone--hope you are able to check it out.

Methadone does take longer to taper off of than heroin--but that's not the point. If the only thing that was needed was to get the patient OFF the drug, we could simply toss them into a locked room for 5 days and all would be well. But as we know, that is not the case. Most patients need more than a simple detox.

There are some forums where you can learn more about methadone treatment. Try Googling "Addiction Treatment Watchdog", "We Speak Methadone", and "Methadone".
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