Going Better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 67
Going Better
I had my first really good Christmas in a long time. My daughter cooked her first Christmas in her new home. And she did a great job. I have a fantastic granddaughter who is 4 this year and that makes Christmas a lot of fun. Physically, I have good and bad days...but I'm moving ahead. It's been 4 months since I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and kidney problems and told I needed to change my life or die. And in that short time, I have changed everything. I eat better, take better care of myself and feel healthier than I have in years. I still have bad days, but not as often. And I did discover if I am not feeling well, I obsess over my ex more. And wonder how he is and what he's doing. And I realize it is because physically, I am having a bad day. Then I look at how my life has changed and what my life would be if I "allowed" an active addict back in. And I can't do that. I need to take care of me....and I try to do that now.
There are still bad days where I miss him...but then I DON'T miss the chaos, the drama, the misery an addict can cause. And I realize that even though it sounds like the man I loved when he calls...he is NOT he man who loved me. That man is deep inside an addict and unless he finds sobriety..that man is gone.
But I have a LONG life ahead of me...and a family who I don't want to leave just yet. And that makes me feel good.
There are still bad days where I miss him...but then I DON'T miss the chaos, the drama, the misery an addict can cause. And I realize that even though it sounds like the man I loved when he calls...he is NOT he man who loved me. That man is deep inside an addict and unless he finds sobriety..that man is gone.
But I have a LONG life ahead of me...and a family who I don't want to leave just yet. And that makes me feel good.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so glad you had a good Christmas, and even happier that you are taking good care of yourself.
It's hard letting go, but that pain passes and life gets better. Staying with an active addict just ensures more chaos and drama and pain every day.
Moving on like you have, and letting the anger change into compassion, is a gift of your recovery and a sign of healing.
Hope the new year brings you more blessings and much healing.
Hugs
It's hard letting go, but that pain passes and life gets better. Staying with an active addict just ensures more chaos and drama and pain every day.
Moving on like you have, and letting the anger change into compassion, is a gift of your recovery and a sign of healing.
Hope the new year brings you more blessings and much healing.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Sounds like you have a wonderful Christmas memory. I spent Christmas Eve with a 4 year old, and you are so right - it is a blast.
I'm so glad you are taking care of yourself and chagning actions and attitudes. Isn't it amazing how much life can change when we take care of ourselves and stop trying to change others? Hugs
I'm so glad you are taking care of yourself and chagning actions and attitudes. Isn't it amazing how much life can change when we take care of ourselves and stop trying to change others? Hugs
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