do the legal problems ever end for recovering addicts?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 64
do the legal problems ever end for recovering addicts?
In another post I mentioned all the hurdles my sister had in front of her 6 or 7 weeks into her latest attempt at rehab.
All in all I thought she had a pretty good week. We went to our grandmothers funeral a couple days before Xmas, and she made it out and saw the family and told everyone about her pregnancy. After that we had a pretty decent Xmas.
But on Xmas eve she told me a detective had called that day about a pharmacy she had defrauded for pills a year or more ago. She'd already been busted twice in one month last year for that and did a few days in jail. She got probation for both with being in treatment one of the conditions.
She said her lawyer told her not to bring up any other frauds the police didn't already know about, so she didnt.
The detective told her "enjoy your holidays and we'll talk again after that", but also seemed to imply to her that they would have to arrest her and go through the whole court process again.
Does this ever end? She freely admits to me that she probably pulled prescription fraud in every drugstore in the city (and Toronto is a big city) over the years. I'm really hoping that a) she's being honest and this is all about fraud done before she got back into a program and b) the authorities will see that she's in an active program and pregnant and is already trying to get her life back on track....what good does holding her in custody do?
All in all I thought she had a pretty good week. We went to our grandmothers funeral a couple days before Xmas, and she made it out and saw the family and told everyone about her pregnancy. After that we had a pretty decent Xmas.
But on Xmas eve she told me a detective had called that day about a pharmacy she had defrauded for pills a year or more ago. She'd already been busted twice in one month last year for that and did a few days in jail. She got probation for both with being in treatment one of the conditions.
She said her lawyer told her not to bring up any other frauds the police didn't already know about, so she didnt.
The detective told her "enjoy your holidays and we'll talk again after that", but also seemed to imply to her that they would have to arrest her and go through the whole court process again.
Does this ever end? She freely admits to me that she probably pulled prescription fraud in every drugstore in the city (and Toronto is a big city) over the years. I'm really hoping that a) she's being honest and this is all about fraud done before she got back into a program and b) the authorities will see that she's in an active program and pregnant and is already trying to get her life back on track....what good does holding her in custody do?
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Whatever happens this is not in your hands. I know that you want to see your sister succeed. Sometimes it takes what it takes for that to happen. Working a program may be in her favor since jails are overcrowded with addicts now and courts would probably rather see her doing something positive with her life. Sending prayers that things work out. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Actually, it's not about 'holding her in custody.' It's about her fulfilling the CONSEQUENCES OF HER ACTIONS.
Will it ever end? Yep as long as she stays sober and clean and keeps working on her Recovery it will end.
It took me OVER 10 YEARS into Recovery to pay off every damn Credit Card I had tapped to the max. In 1981 when I got sober I had over 100,000 in credit card debt. Oh some took the "Bankruptcy Root" and I suppose I could have also, but that didn't seem right to me. So I struggled and I scrimped and I made the arrangements and I kept them.
Now as to "illegal" things I did while out there, well I didn't go running to the cops and say LOCK ME UP. I made amends where I could, kept moving forward and waited for the other shoe to drop. Then I found out a few years into recovery about a thing called:
Statue of Limitations
So, yes it will end. She will get through this. And when she comes out the other side she will have MORE self worth and self respect and will have a "sense of accomplishment" that will be fantastic.
The best thing you can do for her is:
Be there with your shoulder for her to cry on.
Don't offer advice, unless asked, and then only specifically about what was asked.
And most important.....................
Ask HP to watch over her and guide her.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Will it ever end? Yep as long as she stays sober and clean and keeps working on her Recovery it will end.
It took me OVER 10 YEARS into Recovery to pay off every damn Credit Card I had tapped to the max. In 1981 when I got sober I had over 100,000 in credit card debt. Oh some took the "Bankruptcy Root" and I suppose I could have also, but that didn't seem right to me. So I struggled and I scrimped and I made the arrangements and I kept them.
Now as to "illegal" things I did while out there, well I didn't go running to the cops and say LOCK ME UP. I made amends where I could, kept moving forward and waited for the other shoe to drop. Then I found out a few years into recovery about a thing called:
Statue of Limitations
So, yes it will end. She will get through this. And when she comes out the other side she will have MORE self worth and self respect and will have a "sense of accomplishment" that will be fantastic.
The best thing you can do for her is:
Be there with your shoulder for her to cry on.
Don't offer advice, unless asked, and then only specifically about what was asked.
And most important.....................
Ask HP to watch over her and guide her.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 67
Part of working a program and turning your life around is dealing with the "wreckage of your past". But it is not your problem. And unfortunately, one of the problems that your sister created when she was using. I know the in a lot of places they are chosing a program or rehab or some other restrictions instead of jail time because the jails are so crowded. Lots of places have "drug courts" and they put they are strict restrictions and "rules" to stay out of jail.
Hopefully, like someone else told you...that will be an option.
Sometimes it's tough watching the addict trying to work a program and then being hit by all the things they did in the past.
Hopefully, like someone else told you...that will be an option.
Sometimes it's tough watching the addict trying to work a program and then being hit by all the things they did in the past.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 64
Yeah its tough to watch. You sort of wish the world would back off and give her some space. But you're all right of course...nothing I can do except be there to listen.
She was pretty calm about it though. She said she's more scared about disappointing her bf again and all the family that saw her at Xmas and told her how happy they were for her having a baby and wished her "fresh starts" and all that.
The only advice I gave her was to not try to hide it from her bf (they don't live together at the moment), and that he'd rather hear the truth no matter how hard. He's well aware she has a mountain of baggage from her past.
She was pretty calm about it though. She said she's more scared about disappointing her bf again and all the family that saw her at Xmas and told her how happy they were for her having a baby and wished her "fresh starts" and all that.
The only advice I gave her was to not try to hide it from her bf (they don't live together at the moment), and that he'd rather hear the truth no matter how hard. He's well aware she has a mountain of baggage from her past.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
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Wise words to suggest that she not keep secrets from her BF.
I struggled too with watching my daughter face the consequences of her actions. By the time all the legal work was done, she was clean well over a year before she had to spend time in jail. It seemed so crazy - why not when she was active? But difficult as it was, looking back now I realize she was right where she needed to be when she needed to be there. Her experience solidified her recovery and has helped her stay on the path she has chosen. She is wise and compassionate beyond her years now...I could not have said that 3 years ago.
I struggled too with watching my daughter face the consequences of her actions. By the time all the legal work was done, she was clean well over a year before she had to spend time in jail. It seemed so crazy - why not when she was active? But difficult as it was, looking back now I realize she was right where she needed to be when she needed to be there. Her experience solidified her recovery and has helped her stay on the path she has chosen. She is wise and compassionate beyond her years now...I could not have said that 3 years ago.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 67
I know it is not a woman, but I was sometimes glad when my ex was in jail. Jail was the only place where he would get clean and sober and then continue after he got out. Jail was the first place where he actually DID a program and it was a good one. And when he was using, jail was safer than the streets. I knew he'd be o.k. in there.
And dealing with the consequences of their actions. My ex in a drunken stuper hurt a woman and he was arrested for it after he went back into a program and was trying to do the right thing. She pressed charges and he wanted me to get him out of it. Instead I told him, you NEED to pay for what you did. There is no excuse...clean and sober now or not. And he did. And one day he called me and said the BEST thing to ever happen to him was that I did NOT get him out of paying for what he did.
And dealing with the consequences of their actions. My ex in a drunken stuper hurt a woman and he was arrested for it after he went back into a program and was trying to do the right thing. She pressed charges and he wanted me to get him out of it. Instead I told him, you NEED to pay for what you did. There is no excuse...clean and sober now or not. And he did. And one day he called me and said the BEST thing to ever happen to him was that I did NOT get him out of paying for what he did.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I dont venture and post in this forum often..But I know I am still dealing with legal issues from a few years ago. But I have to look at it like this. I did it..I have to pay the price. And the faster I do it and the more honest I am with myself in dealing with these issues. The better off I will be. Because I am almost done with it. It has taken almost 2 years to finally finish the last thing I did. But I am getting there. I cant say poor me..Look at me now doing so good. I wasnt when I was doing these crimes.
Sorry if that is harsh. Its all in the amends I guess. I believe not only make amends with others you have wronged..But with how you have wronged yourself as well.
I hope it isnt too serious tho. It is a shame to have to deal with some random thing out of the blue when you think the waters have calmed down.
Good Luck.
Sorry if that is harsh. Its all in the amends I guess. I believe not only make amends with others you have wronged..But with how you have wronged yourself as well.
I hope it isnt too serious tho. It is a shame to have to deal with some random thing out of the blue when you think the waters have calmed down.
Good Luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
My RAH finally finished the last of his legal issues, though his were minor. I think he was just lucky. His problems were driving without a license, without insurance, etc, but it added up to over $2000 in court fees, etc. And it was never ending. Just when we thought we were done, he'd get another ticket for something (during his using phase.) I remember him getting a ticket for no insurance twice in one day. And at that point, he would bitch and throw a fit about how "unlucky" he was. It had nothing to do with him driving without insurance and breaking the law. (rolls eyes)
He knows better now and takes accountability. But, I know the feeling on a minor level. It was stretched out over two years for us. That was enough for me. I can't imagine going through more and I commend the people here who go through much worse for longer periods of time.
Court sessions are wearisome and tiring. You sit with your breath held to see how the judge will rule. Your whole life is wrapped up in whatever this person decides.
Then you have the DA's or assistant DA's. One offered us something one time. We turned it down and asked for an extension to get paperwork in line. The second DA offered us an even cruddier deal. We turned that down cold and asked for time to get our own lawyer. By the third time, the DA had all but dropped the charges. Just wish it wasn't so arbitrary at times.
I think the advice already given is perfect.
hang in there
He knows better now and takes accountability. But, I know the feeling on a minor level. It was stretched out over two years for us. That was enough for me. I can't imagine going through more and I commend the people here who go through much worse for longer periods of time.
Court sessions are wearisome and tiring. You sit with your breath held to see how the judge will rule. Your whole life is wrapped up in whatever this person decides.
Then you have the DA's or assistant DA's. One offered us something one time. We turned it down and asked for an extension to get paperwork in line. The second DA offered us an even cruddier deal. We turned that down cold and asked for time to get our own lawyer. By the third time, the DA had all but dropped the charges. Just wish it wasn't so arbitrary at times.
I think the advice already given is perfect.
hang in there
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