BF in 6mo rehab (drugs/alcohol)
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
BF in 6mo rehab (drugs/alcohol)
My boyfriend of a year and a 1/2 went to his 6mo rehab. He says its pretty hard! Teaching him to get up everyday, work, go to classes, na, aa meetings, working out. He took marijuana with him and flushed it when he realized he wanted to follow the program to the T. When he left i was at my wits end. I knew once i got "rid" of him i could learn to detach and heal myself. PPL ask me what are you goin to do in 6mos, are you goin to wait? I would say i DO NOT KNOW. i cannot even tell what tommorow brings. So, on Christmas day i heard from him. He told me how much he missed me and being off drugs is making him feel so much stronger. He was proud of himself that he flushed his stash. He asked me how i am getting along w/o him, and i was honest--that i am just trying to forget about him for now. He said oh no, dont do that cuz i am not forgetting about you. I think of you every morning when i am jogging and i look at your pictures next to my bed everyday. Now i am so darn confused... I am in therapy, see a psychiatrist (medicine,) belong to a codependent support group and am joining my local al-anon group--all to make myself better---thinking w/o him. Now if hes doing good, etc maybe i should not move on or just "forget." Well, this 6mo treatment is so awesome for him & i am so happy for him. Its his 2nd time around. The 1st was for meth addiction for 2 months. He said this treatment program is harder. I do love him very much and do not want to desert him....however what i went thru was so awful and my kids were affected as well...i cant have that again. Anyway, any thoughts are appreciated!
Yvonne
Yvonne
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
You need to do what is best for you and your kids. It sounds like you are utilizing excellent resources in order to heal, and I commend you for that! :ghug :ghug
Personally I had to leave my EXAH because he was violent and psychotic.
I also have been in recovery for chemical dependency and codependency, and I've chosen not to be in a relationship for over 9 years now.
I'm enrolled in college full-time now that both of my daughters are grown, and my life is full.
I wish you and your kids nothing but the best for the future!
Personally I had to leave my EXAH because he was violent and psychotic.
I also have been in recovery for chemical dependency and codependency, and I've chosen not to be in a relationship for over 9 years now.
I'm enrolled in college full-time now that both of my daughters are grown, and my life is full.
I wish you and your kids nothing but the best for the future!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Working with counselors and joining a support group isn't about staying or leaving him, it's about finding your own balance so you can decide what is right for you and your children. It's a good thing, just like his rehab is a good thing for him.
I am glad he is doing well, and hope and pray that he can hang on to what he learns there. The real recovery begins when they leave, that's when they have to put all they have learned into place in their life in the real world. Some can do that, some take many many tries, some never make it. Sadly, families and especially children, can get their hopes up each time and feel crushed with every relapse. That's why having our own program is so important. It helps us ensure the relationship stays healthy or ends.
You don't have to decide today what you will do when he gets out. Keep working your programs and when you are healthy and balanced, the answers will come.
Hugs
I am glad he is doing well, and hope and pray that he can hang on to what he learns there. The real recovery begins when they leave, that's when they have to put all they have learned into place in their life in the real world. Some can do that, some take many many tries, some never make it. Sadly, families and especially children, can get their hopes up each time and feel crushed with every relapse. That's why having our own program is so important. It helps us ensure the relationship stays healthy or ends.
You don't have to decide today what you will do when he gets out. Keep working your programs and when you are healthy and balanced, the answers will come.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. You are doing all the right things for you. You are taking life "one day at a time" and not thinking too far into the future. I agree with the others. Take care of you and find out what you want out of life. You don't have to make any commitments right now except the one you are making to the most important people in your life--you and your children. Hugs, Marle
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
I'm gonna be very harsh.....and it's not directed at you....
MOVE ON. Addiction is a life long thing. My daughter is my addict, and if I could remove myself from her life....forever...I would....because it's not a fun ride. Your children deserve a stable home, and not the chaos involved with an addict. You are an adult and can leave if needs be, but they will be subjected to all kinds of chaos that comes from being in a home with an addict.
Don't you deserve better than this?! Don't your children deserve better?!
Take what you need and leave the rest!
Sorry if I seem angry...it's not directed at you...but at addiction...I HATE IT and the devastation it brings with it!!! Just keep reading posts and the despair in peoples notes.... addiction is progressive, you can recover, but you are never cured....
NSW
MOVE ON. Addiction is a life long thing. My daughter is my addict, and if I could remove myself from her life....forever...I would....because it's not a fun ride. Your children deserve a stable home, and not the chaos involved with an addict. You are an adult and can leave if needs be, but they will be subjected to all kinds of chaos that comes from being in a home with an addict.
Don't you deserve better than this?! Don't your children deserve better?!
Take what you need and leave the rest!
Sorry if I seem angry...it's not directed at you...but at addiction...I HATE IT and the devastation it brings with it!!! Just keep reading posts and the despair in peoples notes.... addiction is progressive, you can recover, but you are never cured....
NSW
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
((((Kuljey))))
Welcome to SR...
I think you are wise not to have any expectations right now and that you are using this 6 months that he is in rehab to detatch and work on yourself rather then to continue on in the merry-go-round of insanity that addicts seem to bring to our lives or rather what we bring into our lives when an addict is in the picture.. (just depends on how you look at it)..
A few months ago I would have given anything to be able to be away from my AH for 6 months and sometimes I still feel this way even though he is working a program at this time..
Look at it like this... You have 6 months.. 6 months to work on yourself, detatch and to dig down really deep and figure out what YOU want from this relationship.. In 6 months you may be ready to just cut all ties because you find that you are living life just fine without him... or you may find that when he gets out of rehab that you want to cautiously continue the relationship, with boundaries in place to protect you. In any case you don't have to make a decison today..
Just continue doing what you are doing... Alanon has helped me so much to find my center again...
Welcome to SR...
I think you are wise not to have any expectations right now and that you are using this 6 months that he is in rehab to detatch and work on yourself rather then to continue on in the merry-go-round of insanity that addicts seem to bring to our lives or rather what we bring into our lives when an addict is in the picture.. (just depends on how you look at it)..
A few months ago I would have given anything to be able to be away from my AH for 6 months and sometimes I still feel this way even though he is working a program at this time..
Look at it like this... You have 6 months.. 6 months to work on yourself, detatch and to dig down really deep and figure out what YOU want from this relationship.. In 6 months you may be ready to just cut all ties because you find that you are living life just fine without him... or you may find that when he gets out of rehab that you want to cautiously continue the relationship, with boundaries in place to protect you. In any case you don't have to make a decison today..
Just continue doing what you are doing... Alanon has helped me so much to find my center again...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
My advice to you is directly from your comments. Just think about what you are going to do today and dont try to foresee the future. We dont know what the future is going to bring but we know what today is bringing us. Just live in the day. For today he is doing good and you are getting by. In six months you can think about what you are going to do as far as the relationship. Take advantage of the time alone without distractions to do those things you couldnt while he was around. Improve yourself and make yourself strong so that when he does come home you make wise decisions. You can detach from his problems and focus on your own.
You dont have to have all the answers. I have found that even in a few weeks my life can completely change everything so even though i plan for the future as far as practical things I dont live in the future because the future is unknown and in some ways is just an illusion. Today is real - try to find what joy you can in today.
I'm not sure of your age but my advice to all women is that being alone at times can be very empowering. Knowing that we can survive without a man helps us to make wise choices when it comes to men. Getting to know the woman in you will show you that you are deserving of love and will clarify in your mind what you want in life and relationships. It is a huge gift that you can give to yourself. Its not done in bitterness or anger - it is done solely out of love for ourselves. I highly recommend that every woman find her own inner strength and beauty - once you find that you will be less likely to make unwise decisions based on love. As a mom I can also say that the side effect of this is that I'm teaching my children wonderful lessons.
You dont have to have all the answers. I have found that even in a few weeks my life can completely change everything so even though i plan for the future as far as practical things I dont live in the future because the future is unknown and in some ways is just an illusion. Today is real - try to find what joy you can in today.
I'm not sure of your age but my advice to all women is that being alone at times can be very empowering. Knowing that we can survive without a man helps us to make wise choices when it comes to men. Getting to know the woman in you will show you that you are deserving of love and will clarify in your mind what you want in life and relationships. It is a huge gift that you can give to yourself. Its not done in bitterness or anger - it is done solely out of love for ourselves. I highly recommend that every woman find her own inner strength and beauty - once you find that you will be less likely to make unwise decisions based on love. As a mom I can also say that the side effect of this is that I'm teaching my children wonderful lessons.
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