OT: A Christmas gift
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OT: A Christmas gift
We're partners in a construction company in a major metropolitan city. Our offices are located downtown and there's an alley that runs behind them.
There's a homeless woman named Linda who, with her 40 year old son, have slept in makeshift tents in the alley for many years. She and her son are alcoholics and like most homeless, have suffered a lot of abuse. This city has recently done a major clean up regarding the homeless and tent cities, but there aren't enough facilities to house them.
You know those sheds you can buy for your backyard, use for storage? Some of the partners decided to buy a shed for Linda and her son, it's 18ft x 10ft. They've put it on our lot, behind one of our buildings, and I sent a couple of sleeping bags this morning.
They deliberately didn't tell me about it until this morning because they figured the first words out of my mouth would be "enabling." I admit I went round and round with it inside my head, then finally gave in. This woman has been on the streets for at least 20 years and we're all pretty certain she and her son have mental illness. At least they'll be warm and safe because our lot is locked. They have to be there when we leave for the day or be locked out. It's their choice.
Part of me is so proud of all of them for their generous spirit but the other part is wondering what can of worms have they opened? I guess we'll just deal with it as it comes along, one day at a time.
There's a homeless woman named Linda who, with her 40 year old son, have slept in makeshift tents in the alley for many years. She and her son are alcoholics and like most homeless, have suffered a lot of abuse. This city has recently done a major clean up regarding the homeless and tent cities, but there aren't enough facilities to house them.
You know those sheds you can buy for your backyard, use for storage? Some of the partners decided to buy a shed for Linda and her son, it's 18ft x 10ft. They've put it on our lot, behind one of our buildings, and I sent a couple of sleeping bags this morning.
They deliberately didn't tell me about it until this morning because they figured the first words out of my mouth would be "enabling." I admit I went round and round with it inside my head, then finally gave in. This woman has been on the streets for at least 20 years and we're all pretty certain she and her son have mental illness. At least they'll be warm and safe because our lot is locked. They have to be there when we leave for the day or be locked out. It's their choice.
Part of me is so proud of all of them for their generous spirit but the other part is wondering what can of worms have they opened? I guess we'll just deal with it as it comes along, one day at a time.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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(((Chino)))
For what it's worth, I feed the homeless people who come in my restaurant. I think if Linda and her son have been in the alley for 20 years, what you all have done is not enabling, but is a wonderful gift. I've been told my mgr wants us to stop serving this one homeless guy coffee, so he will stop coming in...I refuse to do it. The man offers to pay for his coffee and one of us or a customer usually buys him something to eat.
I hope Linda and her son stay warm and dry.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
For what it's worth, I feed the homeless people who come in my restaurant. I think if Linda and her son have been in the alley for 20 years, what you all have done is not enabling, but is a wonderful gift. I've been told my mgr wants us to stop serving this one homeless guy coffee, so he will stop coming in...I refuse to do it. The man offers to pay for his coffee and one of us or a customer usually buys him something to eat.
I hope Linda and her son stay warm and dry.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Chino))
Thank You, and thank your partners. My mom was homeless, as an 8 year old kid, riding on the school bus, everyone saw a homeless person sleeping in a ditch, they laughed and made fun, and I pretended to join them in that laughter. That was my mom in that ditch. She wasn't a drug addict, she had manic depressive skitophrenic (sp?). Every time I see a homeless person or even talk about them, I remember her, I see her in my mind. Some stranger helped my mom get disability and got her into a rest home, bless them and you. (enabling or not)
B
Thank You, and thank your partners. My mom was homeless, as an 8 year old kid, riding on the school bus, everyone saw a homeless person sleeping in a ditch, they laughed and made fun, and I pretended to join them in that laughter. That was my mom in that ditch. She wasn't a drug addict, she had manic depressive skitophrenic (sp?). Every time I see a homeless person or even talk about them, I remember her, I see her in my mind. Some stranger helped my mom get disability and got her into a rest home, bless them and you. (enabling or not)
B
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frankly, that brought tears to my eyes. Your story made me feel better about this but, at the same time, how terrible that it's at you and your mom's expense.
We talked some more about this at dinner tonight and my RAD said we all need to be on the same page with boundaries. Some of the guys give them money while others give food. Some of the guys don't care if Linda wanders in the office during the day and others are very annoyed, especially if Linda is having a bad day. My daughter said we'll just confuse her even more now that she's a 'resident', if we aren't on the same page.
How far she's come! My RAD was otherwise very quiet and even a little sad when she learned about all of this. She has an inkling she might be partly responsible and she would be right. It was after we learned of her addiction that all of us partners looked at Linda and her son with new eyes. There but for the grace of God go our loved ones.
We talked some more about this at dinner tonight and my RAD said we all need to be on the same page with boundaries. Some of the guys give them money while others give food. Some of the guys don't care if Linda wanders in the office during the day and others are very annoyed, especially if Linda is having a bad day. My daughter said we'll just confuse her even more now that she's a 'resident', if we aren't on the same page.
How far she's come! My RAD was otherwise very quiet and even a little sad when she learned about all of this. She has an inkling she might be partly responsible and she would be right. It was after we learned of her addiction that all of us partners looked at Linda and her son with new eyes. There but for the grace of God go our loved ones.
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(((Chino))) I had posted about this in another thread, but I understand what your daughter and you are saying. Because of my own addiction and being a part of SR, I look at every addict and homeless person in a totally different light. They are no longer just nameless faces...they are someon's father, son, daughter, mother, etc. They may very well be the loved on of someone, here, on SR...we just don't know.
I do agree with the boundaries and everyone being on the same page. I've had homeless people take advantage of my kindness at work, and they got nothing more from me. Once they stopped being gracious and got an attitude of entitlement, I was done.
Your daughter has come so far, you must really be proud of her!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I do agree with the boundaries and everyone being on the same page. I've had homeless people take advantage of my kindness at work, and they got nothing more from me. Once they stopped being gracious and got an attitude of entitlement, I was done.
Your daughter has come so far, you must really be proud of her!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
((((((Chino))))))
What a beautiful thing you and your partners have done... it's the true meaning of Christmas..
I can see what you are saying about enableling but maybe since how they have a warm dry place to stay that they will want to better themselves in some way. Maybe you can find a list of AA meetings in your area and leave it in the shed for them... Or perhaps the two of them can do some grounds keeping work in exchange for the place to stay... that way your not really enableing them and they will be helping you out just like you have helped them.
What a beautiful thing you and your partners have done... it's the true meaning of Christmas..
I can see what you are saying about enableling but maybe since how they have a warm dry place to stay that they will want to better themselves in some way. Maybe you can find a list of AA meetings in your area and leave it in the shed for them... Or perhaps the two of them can do some grounds keeping work in exchange for the place to stay... that way your not really enableing them and they will be helping you out just like you have helped them.
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jerect, when it was warm they worked for food on our property and sometimes we invented jobs for them. In their brief moments of lucidity they were always willing to do something, anything. Lucidity is a problem, though. Even when they are it's pretty obvious not everything is clicking upstairs.
frankly, after a day of watching Christmas angel movies, I shared your story with my family last night. My husband finally felt like he was doing the right thing and it made my son stop and think. He is really struggling with where responsibility begins and ends. My RAD fought back a huge sob and asked me to thank you, and Amy too. She understands and said your words mean a lot to her.
frankly, after a day of watching Christmas angel movies, I shared your story with my family last night. My husband finally felt like he was doing the right thing and it made my son stop and think. He is really struggling with where responsibility begins and ends. My RAD fought back a huge sob and asked me to thank you, and Amy too. She understands and said your words mean a lot to her.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Chino))
I really understand the enabling question that you all have on this. It is a fine line. But I have also seen and lived the other side. We are so exposed to the horrors of drugs, that the cases of mental illness just gets lost in there. If you had ever seen or met my mom, you would have sworn that she had to be tripping out on drugs, her problem was that she didn't have medicines, she wouldn't take her pills.
I also think twice before I "help" anyone. Made the wrong choices sometimes too, but I set myself some bounderies, as long as they are trying to help themselves I will try to help them if I can, I say a prayer for guidance, I check any expectations that I have at the door though. These people are who they are, your actions will not change that, but even animals deserve to get out of the cold and rain. You did a very human thing, a kind thing, only time will tell you if it was the right thing, I'm praying that it was.
B
I really understand the enabling question that you all have on this. It is a fine line. But I have also seen and lived the other side. We are so exposed to the horrors of drugs, that the cases of mental illness just gets lost in there. If you had ever seen or met my mom, you would have sworn that she had to be tripping out on drugs, her problem was that she didn't have medicines, she wouldn't take her pills.
I also think twice before I "help" anyone. Made the wrong choices sometimes too, but I set myself some bounderies, as long as they are trying to help themselves I will try to help them if I can, I say a prayer for guidance, I check any expectations that I have at the door though. These people are who they are, your actions will not change that, but even animals deserve to get out of the cold and rain. You did a very human thing, a kind thing, only time will tell you if it was the right thing, I'm praying that it was.
B
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Location: Marietta, GA
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This is a wonderful Christmas story. I dont see it as enabling. Someone who lives on the streets that long probably has more problems than just alcohol and to provide them with a little shelter and dignity is an amazing gift. The partners were obviously knowledgeable about enabling and heard your words before they even made their decision - they knew already to do it the right way thanks to you. They didnt do it to enable these people they did it out of a sense of charity and christmas spirit. We dont want to enable people but we cant completely loose the sense of charity that is part of the beauty of the human spirit.
I look at people on the street and I know that with just a few different situations happening in my life and a few different turns, I could be there myself. Most of the long term homeless people I have met suffered from mental illness which years ago was very misunderstood. 30 or so years ago our city emptied the mentally ill out of prisons and hospitals and they ended up living on the streets. There is a huge difference between handing them some money and giving them a warm place to sleep at night.
The joy that the two of them must have felt on Christmas day to have a roof over their heads gives me faith in my fellow man. Thank you for sharing this.
I look at people on the street and I know that with just a few different situations happening in my life and a few different turns, I could be there myself. Most of the long term homeless people I have met suffered from mental illness which years ago was very misunderstood. 30 or so years ago our city emptied the mentally ill out of prisons and hospitals and they ended up living on the streets. There is a huge difference between handing them some money and giving them a warm place to sleep at night.
The joy that the two of them must have felt on Christmas day to have a roof over their heads gives me faith in my fellow man. Thank you for sharing this.
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