Language of Letting Go - Dec. 22 - Holiday Triggers
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - Dec. 22 - Holiday Triggers
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Holiday Triggers
One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five years later, whenever I smell hand lotion, I immediately feel all the feelings I did that Christmas: the fear, the disappointment, the heartache, the helplessness, and an instinctive desire to control.
--Anonymous
There are many positive triggers that remind us of Christmas: snow, decorations, "Silent Night," "Jingle Bells," wrapped packages, a nativity scene, stockings hung on a fireplace. These "triggers" can evoke in us the warm, nostalgic feelings of the Christmas celebration.
There are other kinds of triggers, though, that may be less apparent and evoke different feelings and memories.
Our mind is like a powerful computer. It links sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste with feelings, thoughts, and memories. It links our senses - and we remember.
Sometimes the smallest, most innocuous incident can trigger memories. Not all our memories are pleasant, especially if we grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional setting.
We may not understand why we suddenly feel afraid, depressed, and anxious. We may not understand what has triggered our codependent coping behaviors - the low self worth, the need to control, the need to neglect ourselves. When that happens, we need to understand that some innocuous event may be triggering memories recorded deep within us.
If something, even something we don't understand, triggers painful memories, we can pull ourselves back into the present by self care: acknowledging our feelings, detaching, working the Steps, and affirming ourselves. We can take action to feel good. We can help ourselves feel better each Christmas. No matter what the past held, we can put it in perspective, and create a more pleasant holiday today.
Today, I will gently work through my memories of this holiday season. I will accept my feelings, even if I consider them different than what others are feeling this holiday. God, help me let go, heal from, and release the painful memories surrounding the holidays. Help me finish my business from the past, so I can create the holiday of my choice.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Holiday Triggers
One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five years later, whenever I smell hand lotion, I immediately feel all the feelings I did that Christmas: the fear, the disappointment, the heartache, the helplessness, and an instinctive desire to control.
--Anonymous
There are many positive triggers that remind us of Christmas: snow, decorations, "Silent Night," "Jingle Bells," wrapped packages, a nativity scene, stockings hung on a fireplace. These "triggers" can evoke in us the warm, nostalgic feelings of the Christmas celebration.
There are other kinds of triggers, though, that may be less apparent and evoke different feelings and memories.
Our mind is like a powerful computer. It links sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste with feelings, thoughts, and memories. It links our senses - and we remember.
Sometimes the smallest, most innocuous incident can trigger memories. Not all our memories are pleasant, especially if we grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional setting.
We may not understand why we suddenly feel afraid, depressed, and anxious. We may not understand what has triggered our codependent coping behaviors - the low self worth, the need to control, the need to neglect ourselves. When that happens, we need to understand that some innocuous event may be triggering memories recorded deep within us.
If something, even something we don't understand, triggers painful memories, we can pull ourselves back into the present by self care: acknowledging our feelings, detaching, working the Steps, and affirming ourselves. We can take action to feel good. We can help ourselves feel better each Christmas. No matter what the past held, we can put it in perspective, and create a more pleasant holiday today.
Today, I will gently work through my memories of this holiday season. I will accept my feelings, even if I consider them different than what others are feeling this holiday. God, help me let go, heal from, and release the painful memories surrounding the holidays. Help me finish my business from the past, so I can create the holiday of my choice.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It has taken me a long time to find the peace and joy in Christmas that most people enjoy.
What helped through the tough years when I felt only the sadness of living in fear, was to volunteer and make Christmas better for others, especially children. I played the world's oldest elf at a Women's Home Christmas party and the joy in the eyes of the kids there warmed my heart all the way to June. Delivering baskets for the Salvation Army also helped not only my gratitude for all I had, but also I saw that love in a family was so much more than money or gifts.
Today I try to keep a balance, enjoying my family and the joy of the season, but also remembering those who may be struggling financially or emotionally just like I did for several years.
May all of us here find peace and joy in sharing with each other. We may not live a Hallmark life, but in truth, very few people do. May our lives be touched by the spirit of love and kindness and support for each other. Isn't that what Christmas is really all about?
Merry Christmas, dear friends.
What helped through the tough years when I felt only the sadness of living in fear, was to volunteer and make Christmas better for others, especially children. I played the world's oldest elf at a Women's Home Christmas party and the joy in the eyes of the kids there warmed my heart all the way to June. Delivering baskets for the Salvation Army also helped not only my gratitude for all I had, but also I saw that love in a family was so much more than money or gifts.
Today I try to keep a balance, enjoying my family and the joy of the season, but also remembering those who may be struggling financially or emotionally just like I did for several years.
May all of us here find peace and joy in sharing with each other. We may not live a Hallmark life, but in truth, very few people do. May our lives be touched by the spirit of love and kindness and support for each other. Isn't that what Christmas is really all about?
Merry Christmas, dear friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I just have not been able to get in the holiday spirit and have forced myself to put up decorations, etc. For the first time I didn't send out cards this year. None of us here have really been into it but we used to be a few years ago. We've been BAH but not humbug, so at least we haven't sunk all the way down.
This morning I woke and had a long conversation with God. I have everything to be grateful for "but." Every time I went down the list I kept saying "but." That's when it kind of hit me, my "buts" where all about codie behavior and triggers.
I've been allowing the "buts" from the past to interfere with the gifts and joy of the present.
Time for me to sing a few carols and allow all the joy to rise up!
This morning I woke and had a long conversation with God. I have everything to be grateful for "but." Every time I went down the list I kept saying "but." That's when it kind of hit me, my "buts" where all about codie behavior and triggers.
I've been allowing the "buts" from the past to interfere with the gifts and joy of the present.
Time for me to sing a few carols and allow all the joy to rise up!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I think I do get extra stressed/anxious around the holidays because many of the memories are not good. It makes sense that some things that may appear happy to others and trigger me with depression. I guess it is time to make new, good Christmas memories.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Brief share here about Christmas triggers.
The recovery house where I work had their staff/resident Christmas party last week. One resident didn't show up. Apparently he had some "issues" with Christmas and got permission from another senior staff to go somewhere else.
I was annoyed, really really miffed if you want to know the truth. "How dare he thumb his nose at all these people who are helping him and who brought him gifts and are sharing the Christmas spirit here at the party!!! How dare he decide to do something else!"
Now I have worked there a year and things like that don't frazzle me, I've seen residents come and go, some clean and some not and I am fine with all that. So I had to ask myself WHY my anxiety was a Level 6 when the cause was only a Level 2??
The answer came quickly, once I took a quiet moment to think about it....I was triggered by the behaviour of that resident because it's exactly the kind of thing my son used to do. We rarely had a family function that my son didn't upset by bad behaviour or just not showing up.
I take care of my recovery and work hard to keep myself in a good place...so it surprised me how badly I could get triggered. It was a good lesson, one I shall use to grow stronger from.
I share this because triggers happen to even those with a long period of recovery under their belts. And triggers happen when we least expect it. It's okay when they occur, as long as we have a plan for dealing with them and then escorting them away.
May your triggers be few, this Christmas. And remember that we are all here to help you if things don't go the way you would like.
Hugs
The recovery house where I work had their staff/resident Christmas party last week. One resident didn't show up. Apparently he had some "issues" with Christmas and got permission from another senior staff to go somewhere else.
I was annoyed, really really miffed if you want to know the truth. "How dare he thumb his nose at all these people who are helping him and who brought him gifts and are sharing the Christmas spirit here at the party!!! How dare he decide to do something else!"
Now I have worked there a year and things like that don't frazzle me, I've seen residents come and go, some clean and some not and I am fine with all that. So I had to ask myself WHY my anxiety was a Level 6 when the cause was only a Level 2??
The answer came quickly, once I took a quiet moment to think about it....I was triggered by the behaviour of that resident because it's exactly the kind of thing my son used to do. We rarely had a family function that my son didn't upset by bad behaviour or just not showing up.
I take care of my recovery and work hard to keep myself in a good place...so it surprised me how badly I could get triggered. It was a good lesson, one I shall use to grow stronger from.
I share this because triggers happen to even those with a long period of recovery under their belts. And triggers happen when we least expect it. It's okay when they occur, as long as we have a plan for dealing with them and then escorting them away.
May your triggers be few, this Christmas. And remember that we are all here to help you if things don't go the way you would like.
Hugs
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