katie44

It never seizes to amaze me how vindictful and manipulative the addict can be. A few weeks ago I charged AS with stealling our vehicle, I also got a restraining order to keep him away from our home and business. He has called a few times just light conversation. Well last week he asked if he could come to our home to get something that belonged to him ( ya right!). I said no and he blew up. Sat. I get a call from my aunt ( who is gossipy and nosy) turns out AS called his cousin ( he never talks to her) told her I was mental, I was on the verge of bankruptcy, spouse had an affair, the list goes on and on. His cousin said it sounded like he was drinking. What a vicious son he has become. So my gossipy Aunt says " if I need to talk to her I could" I dont think so she is the type that relishes in gossip. AS also told her I really dont like that side of the family and I was two faced and evil.
I suppose he is angry at detaching from him, but to try to want to destroy me with him unbelievable. Alot of what he said was lies, but they really dont understand addiction. Nor do they realize how deep his problem is. I just needed to vent today, I'm sure he is preplanning something else. Drug or no drug I haave just about had it with him.

winnie12

This has always been a very difficult part for me as well. My good name has been drug through the mud by my son. I just try to keep my head high and cut him off at the pass whenever possible. When he started threatening to tell court that i had a substance abuse problem - I called them myself. He took me having a couple of glasses of wine one night as an excuse to claim i was a drug addict.

What the court told me is that this is extremely common behavior and that many of the kids do this when they dont get their way. They are merely deflecting onto us and also trying to punish us. The more you allow him to see how it affects you the more he will do it. I had a hard time not letting him see becuase it did hurt me a great deal but it was one of the things that allowed me to detach from him because his making up lies was proof that he had no concern for me or my feelings.

He also had a habit of searching through my private possessions and then broadcasting what he found to people. You want to talk about horrified - how about when he tells you're ex about private things he found in your room - you know those "things" that help us when we're not in a relationship. okay - i can laugh about it now but lordy was i embarrassed at the time.

Freedom1990

You say that this aunt is nosy and gossipy. Is there any reason you have to have a phone conversation with her that includes all the garbage your AS is telling people?

I used to have people trying to give me 'reports' of what my oldest AD was doing, and I politely told them I was no longer interested in her stuff and hung up.

They quit calling.

katie44

I really cant be bothered talking to gossipy Aunt she has called twice since then. I have ingnored the call. My son has gone through every single private possession I own, read letters and then has discussed them with other people. I really dont drink however I had a ceasar a couple of mohts ago, and he informed my spouse I was developing an alcohol problem. Yes they like to deflect the guilt.

rahsue

someone once said in here that what someone else thinks of us is none of our business.

I like that saying, it keeps my mind on me and not everyone elses crap.

justanothrdrunk

Sounds to me like he's looking for new people to manipulate.

If it were me, I wouldn't necessarily be looking for revenge or try to make someone look bad who did something I thought of as wrong in that situation. I would be looking for someone to take over as my enabler.

If I thought I had any chance of getting other relatives to help me get what I needed, I wouldn't hesitate in pulling the wool over their eyes.

Blackrose56

After I left my 1st husband (an alcoholic) he went to all my relatives and told them all kinds of horrible things about me. He even told everyone I had stolen $30,000 from him when I left, which was the biggest joke. He went to my step-grandfather and his daughter and told his sob story. Sad thing was, those people felt sorry for him. So..he won that round with them. I also found out a few years before I moved back here my 1st husband went to my parents and ran some sob story on them and they gave him money. They will do anything to put the blame on someone else.

And I just had to realize that if that is what my family wanted to believe, so be it. But have to admit that it did bother me in the beginning.

Ann

People of any intelligence will consider the source and know it's his addiction talking and not pay much mind.

Gossipy people will thrive on it...but who listens or cares what gossipy people have to say.

YOU know the truth. That's good enough. What others think really doesn't matter a hoot.

Hugs

winnie12

Some people just live small lives and thrive off of the pain of others. The truth always finds a way to come out on its own. If you can rise about it you will eventually come out and all those who wagged their tounges will be biting their tounges when it comes to you.

I knew that many "friends" of my husband and mine blamed me for our split. I never corrected them or told them the disgraceful things he did to myself and our kids - i just let them have their fun. a year later it came out what really happened they all hate to eat their words and I know they felt ashamed of themselves - i think it taught those immature souls a little bit about jumping to conclusions and believing everything they are told. A wise man will not listen to the words of a weak person but will look to the actions of the person. A just woman does not have to defend herself. Laugh at the ridiculousness of it and let them all find out on their own.

It hurts - and it hurts especially hard when it comes from your child. Someone you gave life to, protect, care for and love above all others. For them to attack your character feels unforgiveable and so ungrateful. You almost have to look at them like you did when they were five years old screaming "I hate you" because you wont let them buy a toy.

greeteachday

Sorry you have had to be subject to this, but I agree - what gossipy people think really doesn't matter. I recall feeling like the world's worst mother when my daughter became addicted - what did I do wrong? I felt shame for me...shame that I had failed, even though heaven knows I could not figure out what it was I did that made her an addict. Working my recovery helped me realize the extent of her disease and also that I did not cause it, couldn't cure it and couldn't control it. As I progress in my recovery I find I can laugh at the drama when stories abound and walk away. Many hugs.