getting clean but still so frustratingly immature

Old 12-21-2008, 08:59 PM
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getting clean but still so frustratingly immature

I mentioned in another post my sister and the rest of the family is dealing with our grandmother passing away. Funeral is Tues.
The good news is her doctor agreed to give her two days worth of methadone "carries" while she is out of town. If she tests clean again on Wed she'll get two more for Xmas and Boxing Day. Then it's back to the routine weekly sessions and taking her methadone daily at the pharamacy. The doctor told her she was pleased with her progress, but its still too early for too many carries.
So a bit of positive news on the getting clean side of things, but still so many frustrating incidents of her being childish and selfish. One example: Her and her bf are in a tough financial spot, with her not bringing in much money at the moment. She's being haphazard about paying the bills. He suggested cancelling cable and internet, and she blew up that he was punishing her "for just missing paying one bill" (we suspect whatever money she makes is paying off drug and other debts...which is fine if she'd just be honest that's where her money is going...but she still tries to hide it).
Soooo....a mixed bag of progress. Better on the addiction side, depressingly slow on the mental/maturity side. Still 30 going on 13.
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Old 12-22-2008, 04:55 AM
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((((ohbrother)))))

I have an AH who is on Suboxone that is 34 going on 13 so I can totaly relate..

Just because our addicts are clean does not mean that the addictive behavior goes away anytime soon.

I read someplace that the addict has the maturity level of the age when they first started abusing drugs.. in my AH's case, his teenage years.. It's difficult when dealing with an adolescent adult because you feel like the parent instead of the SO and it's so hard to not act like the parent... I have to constantly remind himself that I am not his mother..

My AH is not bringing much money in these days either but he sure does spend it like he is.. I have just been cutting things off when I know that I will not have money to pay the bill... Somethings like the internet and direct Tv will allow you to suspend service for a few months due to financial hardships and thats what I'm doing. All these services are in my name so I can do as I wish.. I look at it this way.. If he is not bringing home the bacon then I'm going to just have to turn off the frying pan.. He gets angry and throws his little tantrums when I do this but instead of arguing with him I just walk away... Maybe hitting him where it hurts will encourage him to go out and get a better job so that he can have the things that he enjoys... until then though, he can suffer the consequences..

Maybe this is something that your sisters bf can try.
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Old 12-22-2008, 05:08 AM
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Hi OhBrother!

Hmmm....yeah my BF's AS is near 30, but behaves just like a 15 year old with an incredible sense of entitlement....temper tantrums and all when told no (apparently, the rest of us are all a** h**** right now)! Sorry to hear you are going through it! We feel your pain! Hugs! HG
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Old 12-22-2008, 05:22 AM
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Just because the drug usage stops doesnt mean the underlying behavior does. I think selfishness and entitlement are the biggest issues that many of us deal with. Even when my son is clean he has a hard time looking past his own wants and desires to anything else. They think that the whole world owes them something - sometimes it seems worse when they arent using - as if not using should excuse them from any other responsibility in this life. Is she working a program on top of the methadone?
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Old 12-22-2008, 05:23 AM
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My daughter's addiction hit about the time when other young adults were learning how to deal with their own money. So, although she is 22, she is in the learning process. She is always worried about paying her bills (rent, utilities, and paying back $8,000 accrued during the drug years) and yet she will spend $50 on a bottle of tanning lotion and sign up for a 3 month gym membership. She likes the finer things in life and even though she lived in the same clothes for a month and in crack hotels during her addiction, she now feels entitled again to have the things that she wants. I figure that when she has enough mental anguish about paying the bills, she will start to figure out that you pay the bills first and then you buy the things you want with the rest of your money. Your sister will figure it out if left to do it on her own. I tell my daughter once and then I shut up. After all, she is not the only person in the United States that lives beyond her means It seems to be a unique American mentality. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-22-2008, 08:07 AM
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Is 30 the new 13?

Immediate gratification and fantasy of a life without consequences are the cornerstones for addiction. No doubt that many people who become addicted were operating like Peter Pans, before they found drugs. Peter Pan have a certain charm, for awhile.

Growing up is hard stuff no matter what the chronological age. And maybe true sobriety is nothing more than maturity.
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Old 12-24-2008, 06:35 AM
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All those stories have a familiar ring to them!
It definitely seems like her mental maturity froze at the age of 13 or so. I've always wondered if that was because of the drugs, or maybe some mental illness that kicked in around that age (because that was when her behavioural troubles started, long before she'd have any access to things like percs).
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