Manipulation and Control

Old 12-19-2008, 03:10 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by loner1968 View Post
The best and hardest thing you could do now is to ignore it. Just have as little contact as possible with him . I know you have a daughter so you have to have some contact.
This is the ONLY safe angle that at this point I can take. I cannot take the game playing anymore. My feelings get hurt over and over. I read somewhere that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results....

I have limited contact now. I do not go into his apartment to talk to him. I dont even get out of my van. He was yapping this morning when I dropped the baby off and I just smiled and looked at our daughter and said bye baby mommy loves you see you on monday. That burns his butt when I dont even give him the satisfaction of getting upset with him. I just have to stay on this course. I cant afford EMOTIONALLY to get involved with his bs.....
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Old 12-20-2008, 07:16 AM
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Well today I again witnessed manipulation. I had dropped the baby off to the ex yesterday. She has been sick all week with a viral rash. On Thursday she started having diarreha according to the ex. So on Friday am when the baby woke up she indeed had diarreha. Well I thought that its part of the virus and its going through the process.

So bright and early this am I get a call from the ex....The baby has been up all night puking and crapping her brains out do you want to take her to urgent care or what should I do. I told him I would call the doc. Called the doc they said give her bread, bananas, applesauce, no diary, no juice etc for three days if she isnt better give us a call. So I call him back and told him that now suddenly he is sick and has really bad congestion so bad that I can barely understand what he is saying (10 mins before he sounded fine).

He was trying to get me to say oh I will come get her if you are soooo sick.....Well I didnt. You wanted to live this life. You wanted to be on your own and take care of your kids. You wanted her every other weekend now step up and deal with it.....

How many times have I been up all night with the kids because they were sick. I couldnt call him and expect him to help.....

Jerk....And the sad thing is that he has so much control over me that I am sitting here feeling GUILTY for not going and picking up my baby.......
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Old 12-20-2008, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by cassandra2 View Post

Jerk....And the sad thing is that he has so much control over me that I am sitting here feeling GUILTY for not going and picking up my baby.......

He cannot take from you, what is not offered. Only thing you can control, is your reaction.

Rule of thumb....if you feel guilty, you are being manipulated. Stop feeling guilty and manipulation is not efffective.
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Old 12-20-2008, 10:41 AM
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So I call him back and told him that now suddenly he is sick and has really bad congestion so bad that I can barely understand what he is saying (10 mins before he sounded fine).
Mine does that too. He missed 4 visits last month, because he was sick.

Sons dad has court ordered visit today 4-7pm. He called a week ago and said he would be working the 3-11pm shift now on Sat. He asked if the visit could be done 9-12 or 10-1pm, he preferred 10-1pm. So I said okay 10-1pm is fine but I would need the schedule change in writing, and his lawyer to contact my lawyer.

Son waited in his chair this morning 10 - 10:40 am this morning with his coat hat and gloves on waiting for his dad. No show. Son called dad at 10:45 asking why he was late. Dad said he was getting ready and would be over. I said dad can't come now (he has a 1/2 leeway to be late and that would be past 11am). His dad said he didn't have anything in writing, and only a phone message to his lawyer. I will not let son out the door anyway at any other time other that 4-7pm with his father unless it is in writing because of a court order.

The games and manipulation for visitation have never ended. I just choose not to be drawn into the drama, but to see son wait and dad not show is sad. Dad has sabotaged visit days from the beginning.

We'll see if he shows today at 4pm, and catch him in his own game.

You wanted to live this life. You wanted to be on your own and take care of your kids. You wanted her every other weekend now step up and deal with it.....
good thinking Cassandra.
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Old 12-20-2008, 11:33 AM
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Annville, that fact that after she called the Dr. and they informed what to do for the child. She called him back to tell him what to do feed bananas, rice, no juice etc....then "all of a sudden" dad became sick. He may have also exaggerated the sickness of the child. I agree with Cassandra, but I also agree with you. Maybe a private call to the sister in law would be in order, to see if she has witnessed the child "puking her brains out" all night.
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Old 12-20-2008, 11:43 AM
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Thank you NH. I just got off the phone with the ex again and suddenly he is well. He said she needs to go to the dr and get treated for the flu. I explained the dr said its viral meeds to run its course. We hung up. I felt guilty called back and asked if he wanted me to come get her he said no. IF she was sick, where I truly felt that she needed to be in my care then she would be. THis is regular childhood diarreaha and there is no reason why she shouldnt be in the care of her father.
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Old 12-20-2008, 12:57 PM
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I agree with cynical one Cassandra, it would be safer to be handed over to the care of Family Court to make the decisions weather her father is safe and well enough to have unsupervised visits with him. He is just not stable enough it seems. Do you know if he is continuing treatment? Do you know if he is clean and sober? I don't think you will ever know the honest truth unless a court is following up with him. You would have to file custody and visitation petition in Family Court. Requesting supervised visitation would be due to substance abuse problems of her father. The court can follow his treatment failures or successes. You really can't go by the word of her father, but taking it through a court at least you will know, therefore protecting your child. I hope you give it some thought.
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