NoSoupForYou

I guess I never clarified a few things. His drug of choice is pills. Opiates. he has never shot up (I know that for an absolute fact). He normally would just take them orally, adn occasionally snort them...

This is his first time being in jail. He was arrested two years ago because he was pulled over and he had 3 pills on him. THREE. Not that that makes it any less illegal, but it's not as bad as it seems. The probation violation was missing an appointment with his probation officer.

He is addicted, but it has never controlled his life. he has never stolen from me, or anyone else. The worst he ever did was lie to me about where his money was going.

Now that that is cleared up, I understand that everyone is trying to help me and prevent any further heartbreak, but I maybe made things out so sound worse than they are. When he gets out of rehab, he will be attending weekly NA meetings (which he has been doing while in rehab as well). I am going to go to the meetings with him as well, and his best friend that I had mentioned is going to go as well.

Of course we'll have to see what happens, but when I talk to him, I can honestly see it in his face and feel it in his heart that he means what he says. I know most people say that "words are just words, listen to his actions"but at this point, he hasn't been able to have any actions (yet), so all I have to go on are his words, but these words... They're different. When he felt the baby kick for the first time last week, the look on his face helped me to believe that this could be the time.

Thank you all for your words. They hurt, but they came from a good place. I will definitely keep everyone updated. He comes home in 19 days!

Oh, and I have made him aware that there are no more "one more" chances. I told him that what I have gone through the past 5 months, I will NEVER go through again, and if he puts me thought it, he'll be on his own. No family, no home, no anything.

outtolunch

Is there a difference between an alcoholic who prefers rum versus one who prefers whiskey?

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hi. Coming in from the alkie perspective if I may. (I also have a partner who is sober but not doing any work right now, and it's not fun).

It's going to take time for you to see if he's really going to change. He'll need to not only go to meetings (and I would hope it would be more than 1 a week)when he gets out, he should also get a sponsor and work the NA program. He should dive wholeheartedly into the program.

If it was me, if he's not willing to do this, then that would tell me that he's not serious about recovery and I would plan on living my life without him.

Like all have said, you need to learn what you are willing to deal with for your health and sanity. Then make the boundaries that work for you and stick to them.

I wish you the best..

Karen

NoSoupForYou

I'm not quite sure what you mean.

NoSoupForYou

If you meant that to be regarding him taking pills orally compared to shooting up, there is a huge difference between the two.

cassandra2

Ok so if there is no difference between orally abusing and shooting up what is the difference between snorting and orally abusing. Drug abuse is drug abuse. Addiction is addiction. Doesnt matter what you are addicted to or what your DOC is. If your life has become unmanageable because of your addiction then you have a problem no matter what it is. Cops arent putting people in jail these days for no reason. So if your bf went to jail because of his behavior that stems from his addiction then really does it matter if he was shooting up or snorting drugs? Not really.

I feel that you, like alot of us have, are rationalizing/minimizing his behavior. Sometimes its hard to admit that the person you love is addicted to drugs. I sat on this forum for weeks constantly asking the same questions. I thought that my ex abusing the pills wasnt nearly as bad as abusing herion or meth. But the fact of the matter is, how has his addiction affected YOU and your family. If your bf didnt have a serious problem then why are you here searching for answers. If he is clean and you feel he is honest with you about his drug use then why are you worried about it?

Please be careful with this the disease of addiction it is very cunning and if your not careful it will take you, your bf and your kids under......

notsleepingwell

"If you meant that to be regarding him taking pills orally compared to shooting up, there is a huge difference between the two. "

Hi...welcome to SR.....we all started pretty much where you are, in denial about OUR loved ones addiction. My daughter also was addicted to opiates...and that's a pretty serious addiction. I guess, whether you hit bottom by drinking, gambling, snorting or injecting...there really is no difference. I don't know if you've ever watched INTERVENTION on A&E, but the progression is the same. The addiction grows, they end up lying, stealing, losing everything of value...and Prison!!! Normal people do not go to prison. I've never been, my daughter was the first in our family to claim that dubious distinction, and it was due to addiction.

She was a nurse, she hurt her back at work, ended up addicted to opiates, and lost everything including the most important....her son. She ended up injecting the oxy's, then heroin, then hooking to support her habit. She also was different.....she tried to get help...she loved her family very much...but I don't know if you understand the drugs....When they don't have em...they become very sick...and it creates a desperation, that drives them to do things that once horrified them!!

Perhaps you have the one person in the world who doesn't fit the profile...but if you watch intervention...ALL addictions lead to the same result. Ask yourself this...why is he in prison....
either he's a criminal at heart or a drug addict or again, the one innocent person in prison! ...I'm truly not saying this to hurt you.....they are master manipulators....and my daughter has snowed me more times than I can remember...and each time...I bought it!!! She can't help it!! It's not that she doesn't want to be with her son...she loves him to death....but something changes in the brain chemistry with drugs....and people who normally would never do certain things do em...unless they are working a program. Best of luck to you...from those of us who are at the bottom looking up.....please take to heart the advice to protect yourself. As someone on here said...Hope for the best, prepare for the worst...cause it's one H*ll of a ride.
Take what you want and leave the rest!
NSW

jerect

There is no difference.. in fact snorting pills or even chewing them for that matter is one of the worst ways you can abuse opiates... addicts crush up pills and snort them because it hits your system faster.. a lot of opiates like oxy's are time release medications... they are meant to be swallowed so that the medication can be released to the body slowly.. when you snort these pills it is actually just as bad as injecting them.. it's hitting your system in the quickest way possible and it also can be fatal..

What outtolunch meant was that addiction is addiction and it doesn't matter how you abuse it. if you are abusing it, well then it's a problem.. To an addict a pill is a pill.. and I can tell you from living with an addict that opiate abuse is a serious problem.. some people think... well it's not crack or meth so it can't be that bad... It doesn't matter what the addicts DOC may be.. pills, crack, meth, cocaine... the addiction is all the same..

If your bf is abusing opiates then more then likely he is using oxy especially since you said that you found evidence of him snorting pills... here is something to think about... oxy's are nothing more then legalized herion... in fact it's street name is hillbilly herion..

I really hope that you continue to read and post here on this forum and try to keep an open mind about what the people on here are trying to tell you..

The decison to stay with your ABF is yours and yours alone and whatever your decision will be none of us here on SR will judge you..

However, may I suggest that instead of attending NA meetings with your bf once he gets out of jail that you instead find some alanon or naranon meetings and start attending them.. In fact it might be a good idea to start attending them now so that when he is released you will hopefully have some boundaries already established for yourself.. because clean or not clean, you are going to need them..

A relationship with an addict is a long and painful road... please do not get yourself lost in his addiction or consumed by his program if he gets into one once out of jail... thats one of the hardest lessons that i had to learn for myself... Please remember to put yourself and your child first..

Read everything that you can get your hands on that pertains to addiction... the more knowledge you have the better off you will be...

Just remember you can't cure your BF's disease.. all the love in the world will not make them clean..

outtolunch

Addicts and those that care about them are prone to doing a "it's not that bad" rationalization. Descent into the chaos of opiate addiction often occurs in baby steps. Oxys are snorted for the reasons you state. It's all about getting the rush, the immediate impact. No doubt, this guy started by eating pills and now seeks the rush, just a hop, skip and jump away from smoking or snorting heroin.

On another message board, someone once posed the question, which is worse, oxy or heroin? The response was along the lines of Oxys are better- they destroy your life faster because of the illusion that they are prescribed medications. Both are highly addictive and potentially fatal.

Heroin was, at one time, manufactured by Bayer and available over the counter in the U.S. It remains a legal prescription for pain relief in some countries, no different than Oxy's.

Opiate addiction is opiate addiction.