Is it wrong to return the Christmas gifts...?
 

Santa knows who has been naughty and who has been nice...

My AH just came off his "vacation" tonight, woke up screaming at me, accusing me of being a "bee-ach" when I was actually helping someone, said one day he would knock me out, yada-yada-yada. Asked me how much money I spent this weekend, etc. Well, needless to say, this really made me mad. And I yelled back to stand up for myself. Then he took off to get some cigarettes which I can't stand and said he may go on another "vacation." In the meantime, my bestfriend wanted to know what to get him for Christmas. I told her to get him nothing because he was being a jerk. When he came back from getting his cigarettes he was all nice-nice but I was still mad.

On top of all this, this afternoon while he was in his self-induced coma, I placed an order for $400 for something he really wanted and he already has other gifts that I have bought for him. I want to return the other gifts and cancel the order first thing tomorrow a.m., if I can. I also told him to not get me anything for Christmas. He was like, "Why?" I said "to save money. And you probably won't be getting me anything anyway." He responded, "I'm looking." Yeah, right.

So am I being too harsh?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh here but where are your priorities?

Instead of thinking about returning and buying gifts for someone who is hurting you emotionally, threatening you physically - I'd be looking for the best present for myself - FREEDOM from this chaos. I'd be writing my list (and checking it twice) of how to get out of this mess.

All humour aside - please take the time to read some of the stickies here and the postings here on SR - they have helped me thru my darkest hours. Keep posting and reading.

I hope you find peace from the chaos in your life - K.

Whether to get Christmas gifts is a personal choice. You know if it will be appreciated or sold for drugs.

If it is a gift from the heart, it doesn't matter how big or small it is and if it is not a gift from the heart, it doesn't matter how big or small it is.

Do what feels right for you. It sounds like anger may be getting in the way of your decision tonight.

What about a gift for yourself? How about giving yourself the opportunity to attend a few meetings and see if this doesn't help?

I'm sorry for your chaos at Christmas, it seems to be a bad time of year for so many. Hope you find some peace in the days to come.

Hugs

I'm done with it,
You may want to ask yourself why you want to treat someone who is, verbally abusive, and threatening to "knock you out" so well.

You deserve so much more than this.


THINK of YOU.
What makes you happy?




Hugs....

I'm not saying at all that you are doing this but i have been known in the past to play the martyr and say things like "dont buy me a christmas/birthday/anniversary present." But then when the day would come, I would be dissapointed when someone didnt give me that gift. Its no fun being a martyr and its only going to hurt you in the end.

In the same year in which I gave my XABF a $500.00 gift, I was telling everyone that I couldnt' afford to leave him. What could you do for YOU with $400.00?

Honey, not to sound rude, but it sounds like you have more issues than what to get the guy for Christmas. My suggestion would be a packed suitcase.

Thank you all for your perspective. A number of days has gone by since I wrote the first post. I was unable to cancel the order, oh well. But I also made some decisions/new year's resolutions. I can't seem to get him to leave and I won't leave MY home and MY dogs. I have been trying to get him to leave off and on for years now, the off and on corresponds to his usage. But there are other things I can do to separate myself from the situation.

As for the gifts, I am fortunate at this time to be able to afford the gifts and I am not worried that they will be sold for drugs. Give Love - you have a good point. I can afford the gifts but I don't know if I can afford a divorce. I have considered separation but it is hard to get a gorilla out of your living room.

As for me, you're all right. I need to do something for myself and one of the things is to detach from him in the long term and for the short term...hmmm...not sure yet. I haven't been able to find any meetings that I can go to because of the time spent in traffic between work and home so this is my meeting place.
Thanks for listening.

I do understand not wanting to leave the dogs. They are such great creatures, aren't they? Have a wonderful holiday. Detachment can work, but it does take a lot of practice so don't get too upset with yourself if you slip. Hugs to you and your fur babies. Marle