My son My life
 

As you all know my son Jason in dead from a drug overdose. I am sitting here like everyday since his death thinking of him missing him and crying. This Christmas will never be the same for me without him singing, laughing, and just kidding around. I keep asking my self should I have done something different with him and he would have never turned to drugs. When he was hungry I fed him, when he had no home of his own I gave him mine, when he needed clothes I bought him clothes, If he needed money I gave him money, when he needed a car I got him one. He had all my love and his dads. I sit here asking God why why why. Maybe I shouldn't have gave him anything if he needed something he was 39 go and get it yourself if you had money for drugs then buy clothes. I was so used to giving and giving to him I just did it.He was able to get clean he did it once all he had to do was tell me and his dad he needed help again.
One thing that I didn't tell you was my son has a son 17years old. He lives with me and his pap. Years ago when Jason's wife left him and Danny I took Danny his dad was working painting mostly out of town. Danny was in 2nd grade. I ask Danny if he wanted to go and live with his mother he said no. So he has been with me ever since. Once he wanted to go to live with her but in a month he called and wanted to come home with me and pap. Danny and his dad were very close Danny know a lot of things about his dad that I didn't know. He is taking this death hard to even his mother is trying to help him with his sorrow. So this year will not be the best Christmas but as we heal from all of this I hope days and nights get a little better not just for me but for my husband and Danny. God only knows the plan for us 3.
Loving and missing my son Jason
Maggie

Maggie, I'm so sorry(((HUGS))) I am glad that you have your grandson Danny with you for your sake and his.

You loved your son and you tried to help him as best you could. There is nothing you can do to stop someone once they get in the grips of addiction. You must forgive yourself and understand that we can only do what we're capable of. I've seen people on this board who practiced tough love and lost their loved one and those that gave everything they had and still lost their loved one. There's no right way or wrong way. Your son's death has nothing to do with you or any actions you took - it has everything to do with him.

I think that no matter what, we have a tendency to blame ourselves. Did we do too much for them? Did we not do enough for them? And so often, too often the outcome is the same, regardless of what we did ot not.


I pray that Danny will side step drugs.

prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Maggie,
I use to ask myself those questions too...maybe if I...maybe I should have...maybe I didn't....

It's all useless, questioning what we did. It was NOTHING we ever did that led them to drugs.

We did the best we could with what knowledge we had.

Don't beat yourself up, you have no part in this. None.
You loved him, like I love my sons too.


Hugs.....

((((Maggie)))) I'm so sorry for your loss. It hasn't been very long, so I know the grief is still so raw. Be as gentle to yourself as possible.

I understand your questions. I lost my beautiful 20 year old daughter to tainted drugs. I asked myself often if I could have, should have done something different. The wonderful people here and in my Naranon group have hlped me to understand that I did the best I could and the disease of addiction was just more powerful than all the love I could give her.

I found those "firsts" were so difficult - first Christmas, first birthdays and other holidays after her death were days to just get beyond. Grief is a journey each person must walk through in her own way. I listened to my heart and my soul and tried to give myself as much quiet and serenity as possible. It's been a little over two years now, and I can tell you the pain dulls and it does get easier. I can think of memories of my daughter and smile. I still miss her and I will love her always, but I am now able to be grateful for the short time I had with her.

Tonight there were candlelighting ceremonies across the world to remember our children who have died. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that for a 24 hour period around the world, candles were lit and prayers were said for your Jason and all of our lost children. Sending mom to mom hugs and rpayers for you and your loved ones.

((((((Maggie))))))

Bless your heart. sweetie. I can't even imagine how you must feel. Please know that I am just another stranger offering my sympathy and praying for you to find some peace and comfort.

I think we have all asked ourselves what we could have done different to prevent our kids from turning to drugs. I ask myself everyday where did I go wrong with my beautiful daughter. She is doing pretty well today but nonetheless it will always be a struggle. The wounds of her drug use are still as it was just yesterday.

Take gentle care of yourself and remember when you look in the eyes of your grandson, you are also looking at your son.

Blessings...............Lo

No words ..

Just lots of prayers and a long warm hug

Passion

I'm so sorry for your loss (((Maggie)))
I'm not far from you, and know that many here in our area struggle...my son is one as well.
Sending prayers of comfort and healing during this very difficult time.
(((Hugs)))

I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to send hugs and prayers your way.
Gotahavfaith

Maggie, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad your here to share with everyone. (((( hugs & Prayers)))))

wishing you some peace today

Maybe even a few moments

Sending you love and prayers