I'm Not Happy About This
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
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I'm Not Happy About This
AH's 2nd visit w/ son unsupervised, and he takes him to his girlfriends house. He introduced her as his friend. I knew this was coming. Now he is exposing son to his adulterous partner.
Please pray concerning this. I don't like it and I know God doesn't either. I don't want son thinking that adultery is okay.
Please pray concerning this. I don't like it and I know God doesn't either. I don't want son thinking that adultery is okay.
Last edited by NeedingHelp7; 12-13-2008 at 05:44 PM.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
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I feel you,luckily I have a restraining order on my AH's supposite girlfriend. When I filed I added them on as a precaution. My husband still lives with me as of now but, she is his drug partner. So, who knows if one day they will get high and try to have my children around her! I will keep you in my prayers because I know this would be hard for me.:sorry
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Location: NY
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All I know is her name and found out where she lives in the phonebook. I found out about her on one of the visits to the library back in Nov. I believe I posted about that when I found out. Another friend of mine says she has some mental issues also. She had met her some time back when she was seeing another guy in the program NA or AA. I don't know if she has been one of his drug partners or not. What bothers me is I know nothing much about her, whether shes on drugs off drugs. Judge only ordered that he not take him around any convicted child molesters, convicted drug addicts, convicted rapists etc.
When son visited them yesterday he couldn't remember any names. He said it was all girls, and daddy changed into his work clothes there. And son played video games, and went to McDonalds.
Cassandra, He went to unsupervised visits starting this week, after testing positive for opiates (prescribed percocet). But his drug use can change week to week month to month. At the end of Nov, he admitted he was taking zanax also, and admitted he had went back to an old Dr to get those, the judge asked him 3 times before he admitted it. But he didn't test positive for benzo's. He had 4 days to get to the rehab to have tests done. So before court I believe he gets the drugs out of his system thinking a drug test will be ordered. And then back to the same old. He's a drug abuser NA. He missed 4 visits the past month saying he was sick. And if I confront him for that, he tells the court I'm arguing during visits. He hasn't spent the past 2 years getting sober. He's spent it picking up other women, being drugged through pills, and periodic crack.
I asked to be removed from supervising visits back in Sept., the stress is too much, I've been doing it for 2 yrs, the past yr court ordered. But I've also requested the court drug test him monthly. This hasn't happened. I also asked that visits be supervised by someone professional. Law guardian thought that would be traumatic on son. I can understand that also.
His visits this time were to be one in public, and one at his apt. He did the public visit on Wed Burger King, library, Cubscouts., and took him to his girlfriends and McDonalds on Sat. He's a pathological liar, and a sabatoger of everything that is why it is difficult to be involved in anything with him even supervising visits. He's not doing any of this in an honest recovery attitude. He's been very dirty. I could write a book. It's best I'm out of the picture, due to AH continued mental, emotional abuse, but I'm so concerned for son. I'm afraid it's going to happen to him. After telling the court this week that he didn't make 4 visits this past month. He told the judge "I don't know what planet she is from." This is the kind of stuff I've been up against.
NH7
When son visited them yesterday he couldn't remember any names. He said it was all girls, and daddy changed into his work clothes there. And son played video games, and went to McDonalds.
Cassandra, He went to unsupervised visits starting this week, after testing positive for opiates (prescribed percocet). But his drug use can change week to week month to month. At the end of Nov, he admitted he was taking zanax also, and admitted he had went back to an old Dr to get those, the judge asked him 3 times before he admitted it. But he didn't test positive for benzo's. He had 4 days to get to the rehab to have tests done. So before court I believe he gets the drugs out of his system thinking a drug test will be ordered. And then back to the same old. He's a drug abuser NA. He missed 4 visits the past month saying he was sick. And if I confront him for that, he tells the court I'm arguing during visits. He hasn't spent the past 2 years getting sober. He's spent it picking up other women, being drugged through pills, and periodic crack.
I asked to be removed from supervising visits back in Sept., the stress is too much, I've been doing it for 2 yrs, the past yr court ordered. But I've also requested the court drug test him monthly. This hasn't happened. I also asked that visits be supervised by someone professional. Law guardian thought that would be traumatic on son. I can understand that also.
His visits this time were to be one in public, and one at his apt. He did the public visit on Wed Burger King, library, Cubscouts., and took him to his girlfriends and McDonalds on Sat. He's a pathological liar, and a sabatoger of everything that is why it is difficult to be involved in anything with him even supervising visits. He's not doing any of this in an honest recovery attitude. He's been very dirty. I could write a book. It's best I'm out of the picture, due to AH continued mental, emotional abuse, but I'm so concerned for son. I'm afraid it's going to happen to him. After telling the court this week that he didn't make 4 visits this past month. He told the judge "I don't know what planet she is from." This is the kind of stuff I've been up against.
NH7
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
NH7, I really feel for you and your situation. I just wanted to offer you a word of caution about what you ask for with regard to supervised visitation. My husband and I have legal guardianship of our 12 year old niece and like you, I did not want the stress of supervising visits between her and her mother. We asked the court for supervision to be done by a professional, and while we got what we asked for, the judge also ordered that WE - my husband and I - pay for that supervision. This has been costing us upwards of $2000/month. If this continues, we won't be able to afford to have a child of our own, we will have no retirement savings, we will be living paycheque to paycheque.
The reason I'm telling you this is that I want you to be careful about what you ask for, and how it's worded, especially if you are not represented by a lawyer. Make sure that if a judge orders professionally supervised visitation that it is stated in the order that DAD pays for the supervisor, not you.
All the best,
Lisa
The reason I'm telling you this is that I want you to be careful about what you ask for, and how it's worded, especially if you are not represented by a lawyer. Make sure that if a judge orders professionally supervised visitation that it is stated in the order that DAD pays for the supervisor, not you.
All the best,
Lisa
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
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Sistershelp, 
$2000.00 is an aweful lot of money per month. I feel for you now. How many hrs is the visitation per week? How long have you had her? Is her father in her life? I wonder if you could modify that order by requesting that someone else supervise the visits? Can you find someone else in the family who would supervise?
If paying for supervision in that amount is making it hardship for you and your husband you may need to make adjustments.
As far as a professional supervisor here, I know of one woman who charges 10.00 per hr, but the law guardian doesn't think it would be a good idea. And I wouldn't be open to paying unless it was a few hrs. per week. If later on I am advised it would be best he go to professional supervision, I will definitely ask the court that dad pay.
I am being represented by a lawyer.
Hoping the best for you and your niece.
NH7
$2000.00 is an aweful lot of money per month. I feel for you now. How many hrs is the visitation per week? How long have you had her? Is her father in her life? I wonder if you could modify that order by requesting that someone else supervise the visits? Can you find someone else in the family who would supervise? If paying for supervision in that amount is making it hardship for you and your husband you may need to make adjustments.
As far as a professional supervisor here, I know of one woman who charges 10.00 per hr, but the law guardian doesn't think it would be a good idea. And I wouldn't be open to paying unless it was a few hrs. per week. If later on I am advised it would be best he go to professional supervision, I will definitely ask the court that dad pay.
I am being represented by a lawyer.
Hoping the best for you and your niece.
NH7
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by NeedingHelp7 
Sistershelp, $2000.00 is an aweful lot of money per month. I feel for you now. How many hrs is the visitation per week? How long have you had her? Is her father in her life? I wonder if you could modify that order by requesting that someone else supervise the visits? Can you find someone else in the family who would supervise?
If paying for supervision in that amount is making it hardship for you and your husband you may need to make adjustments.
As far as a professional supervisor here, I know of one woman who charges 10.00 per hr, but the law guardian doesn't think it would be a good idea. And I wouldn't be open to paying unless it was a few hrs. per week. If later on I am advised it would be best he go to professional supervision, I will definitely ask the court that dad pay.
I am being represented by a lawyer.
Hoping the best for you and your niece.
NH7
$2000.00 is an aweful lot of money per month. I feel for you now. How many hrs is the visitation per week? How long have you had her? Is her father in her life? I wonder if you could modify that order by requesting that someone else supervise the visits? Can you find someone else in the family who would supervise? If paying for supervision in that amount is making it hardship for you and your husband you may need to make adjustments.
As far as a professional supervisor here, I know of one woman who charges 10.00 per hr, but the law guardian doesn't think it would be a good idea. And I wouldn't be open to paying unless it was a few hrs. per week. If later on I am advised it would be best he go to professional supervision, I will definitely ask the court that dad pay.
I am being represented by a lawyer.
Hoping the best for you and your niece.
NH7
My niece spends 12 hours per week with her mother and the court order stated that the supervision had to be done by a professional supervisor as opposed to a friend or family member or even a volunteer. (Being around my sister is so unpleasant that I can't see anyone doing it without pay anyway.) The supervision costs $40.00 per hour! My niece doesn't have a father in her life and has, in fact, never met him. Neither have any of us.
We have a case conference coming up this week in which we will have the opportunity to discuss these difficulties with the judge but if nothing is resolved then we'll have to apply to court for a reduction in hours or a new hearing or something... It's quite a nightmare and we really had no idea what we were getting into by requesting supervised visitation - and this was with a lawyer's help! In some ways I am annoyed with the lawyer for getting us into this jam... and in some ways I guess we just got what we asked for because we didn't think far enough ahead to how those things would impact us.
Just hoping someone else can avoid getting into this particular swamp by hearing our story.
Good luck!
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It's quite a nightmare and we really had no idea what we were getting into by requesting supervised visitation - and this was with a lawyer's help! In some ways I am annoyed with the lawyer for getting us into this jam... and in some ways I guess we just got what we asked for because we didn't think far enough ahead to how those things would impact us.
Just hoping someone else can avoid getting into this particular swamp by hearing our story.
Just hoping someone else can avoid getting into this particular swamp by hearing our story.
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