Denoraphy

I just found out that my AH has asked his parents to send him money. My guess it is for a few thousand. He is asking them to send it to a different address than ours. The person who is receiving the envelope is the one who confided in me about this. They are aware and concerned about my AH's addiction, too.

I am torn about what I should do. Should I mind my own business and not get invovled?

Or, should I call his parents and tell them it would be unwise to send him cash? They live out of state and are not aware he is an addict.

sojourner

Last poster had good point. Can you get more info from the person who called you? What kind of relationship do you have with his parents -

You've been a member of this forum for a while, so you're no spring chicken to this whole thing. - I wonder what would motivate his parents to send that kind of money to their married son to an address that is not the one he shares with his wife without first talking with you. Do you have a good enough relationship with them to call and ask why they are sending your husband money to a different address?

I've seen people die in this disease too much to just let it go - so my slant is to confront in a respectful way and try to get to the truth of the whole thing - because knowledge is power.. and secrets kill.

winnie12

Will you be in anyway responsible for paying the money back - will it come out of your living expenses? if yes, then tell them. if not, then its his problem.

Kallista

I tried this with my brother and my father. My brother was addicted and my dad was giving him money. My dad yelled at me. He didn't believe me. My brother yelled at me. My dad kept giving him money.

I think it was the right thing to do, even if it didn't change anything. At least my brother knew that I wasn't going to play along with his lying games.

sojourner

I agree with Kallista - getting it out in the open lets everybody know you are not part of the game of fractionation and secrets - it's really not about trying to make somebody stop something.

jerect

I agree, tell his parents, to get it out in the open.. then I would leave it alone.. you have done everything you can and sadly if his parents chose not to believe you then that makes it their problem and not yours....

In the meantime, if he is borrowing that much money then I would be very cautious about your own finances.. do everything you can to protect yourself financially..

In a Tailspin

I found out in August that my abf had "borrowed" money from his two of his friends. He had "planned" to use that $ to get his golf clubs out of the pawn shop (we all know why they were there, right?). Turns out the $ he borrowed just went to more pills. So I told his friends, who know of his addiction, what their $ had gone for and that it was up to them if they wanted to continue loaning him $ or not, but that they deserved to know where it was going. They of course ran straight to him saying "you'll never guess what @@@@@@ just said about you........" and told me they wanted nothing to do with our "personal business". Bottom line..........if they want to continue to enable your husband, that is their decision. However, if they don't know that's what they're doing, they also have the right to be fully informed before moving forward. Just my opinion.............Good Luck!!