Upset With Myself
rozied
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Upset With Myself
Yesterday I started thinking about my decision to keep the car my ex bought from my son. I was going to either sell it and help my son when he got out with the money, or give the car back to my son. I feel my ex owes him plenty for abandoning him when he was 10 & never doing anything for him. Its such a confusing situation, but it was my anger talking. The car was originally bought with money my AS scammed out of my parents.
When he went bk to jail my dad put the car off the road on his property. Then my ex against my advice decided to help my son get a lawyer. Instead of just paying for a lawyer they came up with this idea to let my ex's cousin buy the car and use the money for a lawyer. That was done but then my ex & his cousin never came for the car. Now he wants my 88yr old dad to sell it and give him the money. I don't believe my dad should have to be involved or be bothered selling it. My ex should have come and picked it up.
My sister & my mom don't think I was right telling my son we were keeping the car. They feel my ex should come get it since my son is the one who decided to sell it for money for the lawyer. I felt he shouldn't even think about hiring a lawyer that he should just stay in jail until he maxes out. I was angry with my ex for not saying no to begin with.
What a mess it is now.
When he went bk to jail my dad put the car off the road on his property. Then my ex against my advice decided to help my son get a lawyer. Instead of just paying for a lawyer they came up with this idea to let my ex's cousin buy the car and use the money for a lawyer. That was done but then my ex & his cousin never came for the car. Now he wants my 88yr old dad to sell it and give him the money. I don't believe my dad should have to be involved or be bothered selling it. My ex should have come and picked it up.
My sister & my mom don't think I was right telling my son we were keeping the car. They feel my ex should come get it since my son is the one who decided to sell it for money for the lawyer. I felt he shouldn't even think about hiring a lawyer that he should just stay in jail until he maxes out. I was angry with my ex for not saying no to begin with.
What a mess it is now.
(((Rozie)))
Where does it say, anywhere there, that YOU have to do anything?
Sweetie, the way I see it there are a bunch of sick people trying to decide what is best here, and none of the answers really fit.
Why do anything? Why not just sit back and let life happen, because it will no matter what you do.
Instead of worrying about anyone else today, why not just do something nice for Rozie? You deserve a day to focus on you and it's right here right now if you want it.
We don't have to try to make dysfuntional people functional. We can sit back and let them learn their own lessons, just like we did.
Enjoy your day, do something nice for yourself, and let the rest of the world live in their own chaos.
Hugs
Where does it say, anywhere there, that YOU have to do anything?
Sweetie, the way I see it there are a bunch of sick people trying to decide what is best here, and none of the answers really fit.
Why do anything? Why not just sit back and let life happen, because it will no matter what you do.
Instead of worrying about anyone else today, why not just do something nice for Rozie? You deserve a day to focus on you and it's right here right now if you want it.
We don't have to try to make dysfuntional people functional. We can sit back and let them learn their own lessons, just like we did.
Enjoy your day, do something nice for yourself, and let the rest of the world live in their own chaos.
Hugs
You can count me in on the above suggestions.
When my youngest AD wrecked her car, which the insurance company totaled out, my dad pulled the Nissan out from under me (he paid for it). Then he thought he was going to dictate to me how I was going to monitor her use of it.
I refused to engage in dysfunctional crap like that and told him he could communicate with AD period-I was out of it.
If your mother and sister get their panties in a wad, so be it. That's their choice.
It's not your mess to deal with.
:ghug :ghug
When my youngest AD wrecked her car, which the insurance company totaled out, my dad pulled the Nissan out from under me (he paid for it). Then he thought he was going to dictate to me how I was going to monitor her use of it.
I refused to engage in dysfunctional crap like that and told him he could communicate with AD period-I was out of it.
If your mother and sister get their panties in a wad, so be it. That's their choice.
It's not your mess to deal with.
:ghug :ghug
Rozied,
Sometimes I also see myself in situations that are of my OWN making. It helps me to analyze what I would do differently NOT to get caught up in the drama for the next time. (And I seem to be doing better.)
Maybe you're just having a hard time saying NO, and you seem to be carrying alot of guilt for your SON because HIS father wasn't around to give him healthy support as a child.
I think you need to drop the guilt, this is nothing of YOUR doing, and nothing you can change.
Just back off Rozied and let them handle ALL of it.
Hugs sweetie...
Sometimes I also see myself in situations that are of my OWN making. It helps me to analyze what I would do differently NOT to get caught up in the drama for the next time. (And I seem to be doing better.)
Maybe you're just having a hard time saying NO, and you seem to be carrying alot of guilt for your SON because HIS father wasn't around to give him healthy support as a child.
I think you need to drop the guilt, this is nothing of YOUR doing, and nothing you can change.
Just back off Rozied and let them handle ALL of it.
Hugs sweetie...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Maybe this is time to slow down a bit and focus on your life. Is there ANYTHING else you can be doing right now besides focusing all your energy on your son, your opinionated family members and the problems that addiction have caused in everyone's life?
When I find myself consumed with things that I can't fix or solve, or when I find that I am stuck trying to find the answer to the question:
"What is the next wise step for me to take?"
I try to slow down, be still, listen & focus on something else. I watch how the situation progresses without getting involved.
You made a decision. Even if you have some regrets, unless you have put someones life in danger, why not stick with it and see what happens. None of it is going to change the past, make your sons drug problem go away or fix his current problems. He is where he needs to be right now. So step back and let nature take its course.
When I find myself consumed with things that I can't fix or solve, or when I find that I am stuck trying to find the answer to the question:
"What is the next wise step for me to take?"
I try to slow down, be still, listen & focus on something else. I watch how the situation progresses without getting involved.
You made a decision. Even if you have some regrets, unless you have put someones life in danger, why not stick with it and see what happens. None of it is going to change the past, make your sons drug problem go away or fix his current problems. He is where he needs to be right now. So step back and let nature take its course.
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