Sad news from the rehab

Old 12-05-2008, 06:55 PM
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Sad news from the rehab

So my son has been in rehab for 2 1/2 months. Last phone call I got two weeks ago, sounded promising. He was stepping up with his assignments and behavior had changed. Yesterday I get a call that he had apparently hooked up with a bad seed there. He and the other kid, were turned in for trying to buy drugs during an outing at the beach. An intense group meeting with me on speaker phone with the counselors and his peers, happened. I am a basket case, and the other kid is discharged from the program, but my son has been given another chance, AFTER, the have temporarily dropped him off at a homeless shelter for the next 3 days. He then has to come back and basically interview to get back in. He is in Florida and I am in NY. he did check in with the counselor today like he was supposed to. I just got a call from a friend of mine. He had called her today and she talked to him for a while, and he said he was soo soo sorry and knows he screwed up. He does want to go back to the rehab, and is terrified where he is. He doesn't know where the heck in Florida he is and is afraid to step out for fear of losing his bed there.

So he just called my friend in a panic. The plan was from the counselor that he stay there until Monday morning and he will then call them, they will send someone for him, and he will go back and "interview" with them for readmission. So he called my friend and said that he just found out that he can stay only for tonight and tomorrow but on Sunday he cannot stay there. I stood my ground with him on the phone yesterday, went along with the counselor on this plan, a reality check. But now I do feel terrible. He is so scared. I know that he has never been on the street, and this is truly a reality check for him, but it does sound a bit cruel as well. He told my friend that he called the rehab and they just said, find another shelter.

I'm freaking out right now for him.
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Old 12-05-2008, 07:04 PM
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I am so sorry that you are freaking out right now...

Lets do a reality check. Dont know your story but from what I read maybe your son will actually learn from this and realize that this is his last shot. I can empathize and understand kinda how you feel but this is apart of his process that he needs to go through. He was caught. That is a good thing. He is facing a HUGE consequence. That is even better. And now as hard as it is you need to stand back and let him fall...

Remember the poem "Let Me Fall". Read that over and over so that you can stop freaking out. Say a prayer and give it to GOD. This is all apart of his plan.....

My prayers for you and your son....This may turn out to be the BEST thing that EVER happens for him in his journey of sobriety.....
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Old 12-05-2008, 07:27 PM
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I know that this is hard. At least he is in Florida where it is warm so it could be worse. Maybe he will learn something from this. I will keep him and you in my prayers. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-05-2008, 07:29 PM
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Sister, they are far more resourceful than we moms give them credit for.

They can find drugs in any city in the world, they can find places to stay when we worry about them sleeping under bridges and they have been places far scarier than a homeless shelter.

It's hard to let them go, but thinking we have any control is only an illusion. He is learning that there are consequences to his action and he knows what he has to do to get back in. If he wants it bad enough, he'll find a way and of he doesn't, maybe it just isn't his time yet.

My heart and prayers go out for you, it's no picnic being us (or him) and things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to right now.

Hugs from one mama to another.
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Old 12-05-2008, 07:34 PM
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Fasinating that both of you are freaking out because he's at a homeless shelter as opposed to his next shot, being the one that kills him. And once again, he is flying the "Rescue Me" flag.

Time -outs at a homeless shelter are becoming increasingly common in rehabs when a patient seeks drugs, especially those patients who come from enabling home situations.

I think it's a terrific idea, kind of a preview for how his life is going to turn out, if he chooses to continue using drugs.

Odds are he is safer at the homeless shelter than he is, back in the comfort and safety of his home, while doing his DOC.

Worse thing for him, right now, would probably be for a well meaning friend or family memmber to wire him money or to rescue him.

Give him the dignity of realizing the consequences of his choices.
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Old 12-05-2008, 08:11 PM
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Sister,
I sure hope he's scared. He's more scared cause he's far away from home and has no one to rescue him.

Think of this as a big test for him, I'm betting he's going to be fine.

hugs...
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Old 12-05-2008, 08:18 PM
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I don't remember who it was, but there was a mom who posted awhile back about her daughter in a similar situation. The mom worked herself into quite a frenzy, only to find out later that the daughter had ended up at someone's house and was dry and warm and had a great meal with some good people. Mom, on the other hand, had spent a cold night driving around trying to find the daughter.

Things work out like they are supposed to. I hope this is what he needs in order to learn his lesson and start working his program in earnest.
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Old 12-05-2008, 08:44 PM
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I understand the freak out reaction. I KNOW it would hit me the same.
But this is his version, and it strikes me as interesting that this is all being relayed through a friend.
For your own sanity, keep telling yourself "There's nothing I could do between now and then anyway" Repeat, repeat...
I agree that as bad as it sounds, and as scared as he must be, continuing to use is more dangerous.
Isn't it funny how our kids don't see that?
I'll be sending extra prayers to keep him from harm as his HP's plan unfolds
(((Hugs)))
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Old 12-05-2008, 09:05 PM
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I know he should be scared. I know this should be a reality check, I'm not questioning that. The "friend" he called is someone I work with. He is not allowed to call me. They spoke for a bit this afternoon, and she told him I was not backing down, and he said he wasn't asking me too. He knew he was wrong, and was given a consequence. He was glad he was in the shelter rather than jail. It was just tonight that they told him he couldn't stay Sunday night and not knowing even what town he was in, or anything, where another shelter is, Noone is going to wire him money, so no need to worry. That's the last thing I would do. They didn't even give him his meds to take when he left. Is it dangerous to just stop taking Effexor and Seroquil? I'm sure not dangerous, but I know it plays with your head. That's why they tell you not to cold turkey stop taking anti-depressants. I know all of the things, you said, about hitting the bottom, and I hope this is it, but I just worry. I'm a mom. If you really really knew me, you'd see how far I've come by coming here and going to my NarAnon meetings. I am learning. But this little glitch in the plan, got a bit freaked. Bear with me.
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Old 12-05-2008, 09:18 PM
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(((Sister)))
The way I look at it, there are two choices:
Get involved or step back.
If I had to be completely honest, I'm not sure where I would stand...so I understand.
Perhaps you can call the rehab and ask these questions, get the "real" scoop and set your mind at ease. Ask the med questions, ask about his safety, ask anything you "need" to.
As hard as it is, it seems the no contact with him might be the best plan.
NO need to ask for us to bear with you...we're walking with you, and I know how difficult this is.
(((Hugs)))
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Old 12-05-2008, 09:22 PM
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((((SGH))))))

Fear is good for those of us addicted to drugs, especially when we are still trying to buy drugs.
Fear is one thing that got me off meth. Fear of my dealer and fear of being homeless.
Fear motivates us to change. As hard as this is for him it's probably harder on you.
He'll be fine and have time to think and evaluate.
Going off seroquel he should be okay, he may start to feel some of the effects from the effexor, nothing that will kill him, just make him nice and uncomfortable. It's like little zaps and having a bad flu. Not fun, but he may be really looking forward to getting back into rehab!
Hang tough, it will be okay!
That's my experience anyway~
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Old 12-05-2008, 09:35 PM
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sistergh......sorry you're feeling bad, but I'm glad you had the courage to stick to what you believed was best.

Give him the dignity of realizing the consequences of his choices.
Wow -- thanks for that outtolunch.

I've only just begun to understand how -- in my efforts to help him -- I took over his life. He needs to be in control of his own life so he can take responsibility for it.
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Old 12-05-2008, 11:23 PM
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This too shall pass.
The exact same thing happened to my son who was kicked out of his rehab and driven to the nearest city. There was no vacant bed or even blanket available at the shelter so he slept in the parking lot. This was the very thing that changed the course of his recovery.
He had been there for three months bucking the rules. After the shelter incident he called and asked to come back to the rehab. and has been there now for a total of almost 10 months.

My son did call me collect from the city he was dropped off in. I told him I hoped he would the the right thing at this crossroad. He had a choice the streets or plead to go back to the rehab that I am paying for. Luckily, my son chose the rehab and they took him back.

hang in there mom...your son most likely will choose to go back...and be serious about his recovery after having seen the alternative up close.
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Old 12-06-2008, 04:22 AM
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With my daughter it always amazed me the things that scared her yet she would snort heroin, oxycontin, suck on fentanyl patches, sleep in crack motels. Never once did I get a call from her telling me that she was scared that she might have gotten some bad heroin, or that she might have taken too many pills. But I did get a call that she was freaking out about maybe eating some bad bratwurst. I only tell you that because the things our addicts will do to support their habit seem commonplace to them. If your son can come up with creative ways to support his habit, he can come up with a creative way to spend a night somewhere other than the rehab or homeless shelter. I understand the mom freaking part because I have been there many times. But it never did anything for me except interrupt what should have been a good night's sleep. I hope that you were able to get one. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-06-2008, 05:02 AM
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Oh Marle you are so right, anytime I worked myself up he was fine & I lost sleep.
Sister, At least he is in Florida & if he has to sleep on the beach for one nite he'll be warm! Imagine if you had to think of him sleeping out in Buffalo NY or Michigan with the freezing temps & the lake effect snow. I am only kidding really.
I have been coming to SR about 2yrs now. Since coming to SR I see the kids that get clean & sober the fastest have parents that are very tough, will not rescue them, and have zero tolerance for any drugs or drug related BS. I KNOW if my parents would have only listened to me my son would be fine by now instead of being 42 and sitting in jail yet again. For way too many yrs he NEVER suffered the consequences of his own actions.
Normally you help your kids and are there if they need you BUT once drugs enter the picture you have to do a total about face...............that's hard, very hard to do BUT if you want your kids to get well it is what you have to do. Nothing else works. All the help in the world won't make a difference. It only enables them to keep using.
Please try & remember that the next time he calls & upsets you, my kids were great at doing that, and I fell for it too many times over the yrs. It did absolutely no good.
Your son is very resourceful. He will be just fine. The best thing you can do is pray for him and leave it at that.
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Old 12-06-2008, 06:05 AM
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Rozie: thanks for your post and your observation that the toughest approach seems to be the best we can do to save our loved ones. And the about-face being so hard is so, so true. It feels like cutting off your own hand without anesthesia - the edges are so raw and tender. But the alternative of enabling is so much worse for our loved ones.

I have taken the amputation approach also with ANYONE who continues to enable my son whether they be friends or family members - it is a relationship-breaker to me when ANYONE keeps my son in such a dangerous situation. I want the entire world he and I live in to know where I stand and how serious this is. This is life and death. My father committed suicide thanks to addiction and my ex-husband (kids' father) has lost too many brain cells because of addiction to ever be normal again.
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Old 12-06-2008, 08:34 AM
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This is a great opportunity for him to learn what life will be like if he keeps going down this path. If he's scared then he's learning something so be very thankful for that. I would be more scared if he wasnt worried right now. One night on the streets might be the wakeup call that he needs. The rehab is doing this for a reason and if the night is too easy on him what will he learn - if he finds a cozy bed to sleep in then he may not get the lesson that he needs to learn. I hope that your weekend is peaceful and that you find strength that he is in the hands of HP - I dont mean to sound cold but it may be best if his weekend is worrysome and scary be thankful that he is smart enough to be afraid right now. i pray that HP gives him as much as he can handle and keep him safe while showing him what he needs to learn right now and that he gives you peace to trust this difficult step. You have lived with the fear of his addiction and now maybe its finally time for him to have some fear.
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Old 12-06-2008, 09:25 AM
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Pain is what makes people want to change. Just remember that. It works for the addict and the people who love them. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-06-2008, 09:43 AM
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In looking back over my life, what were perceived as some of the saddest and some of the most horrific events in my life turned out to be blessings in disguise. They were all a part of the puzzle pieces that eventually fit together and I found recovery.

When my then 15 year daughter ran away with a 24 year old predator and she ended up in the system for 16 months, I was heartbroken.

Today we can both look back and see how much we both benefited from the experience.

It often takes time and distance to see that what we perceived as a burden was in fact a gift in disguise.
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Old 12-06-2008, 09:57 AM
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Sistergh,
Have you ever seen the movie with Will Smith "In The Persuit Of Happiness"? There are many options for the homeless. Many shelters and soup kitchens or even the ER waiting room. As far as the effexor or seroquil, there wont be any serious side effects. Maybe a small discomfort but most of his discomfort will be from that he's not in a comfort zone. Away from everyone, thing. And in your last post you mentioned that if we really really know you, that we'd know it was a huge step for you to come here. And you are so very right. We dont get that blessing to know you well. And I commend you for coming here to post your thoughts and feeling and your expieriences. You help so very many by what you share. Thank you for being here.
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