katie44

Sunday nite my spouse and I are watching TV, and AS shows up at our home. I was quite surprised to see him as we have been trying to detach from him for quite some time. He was only there 5 minutes and I asked him to let the dog out, he did then he said just wanted to say hi, then he said " Im out of here" next thing I know I hear my spouses truck speed out of the driveway. My purse was in the truck I have gotten in to the habit of leaving my belongings locked in my vehicle. I reported the truck stolen. 5 hours later AS calls and I asked him what the ...... was he doing he said he had a friend that was in labour and needed to get to the hospital. ( how ridiculous is that?) now wonder the dog was barking when he let him out one of his so called friends was hiding around our house outside. Turns out he hit something and blew out the front tire so of course he dumped ithe truck and ran. He said my purse was still in the vehicle. Ya right! the police located the vehicle some 50 miles from our home and had it impounded. Yesterday morning AS calls and says he forgot he had my purse on him. I went to his house to get it no credit cards, ID or bank cards it was empty. In the pocket of the wallet was a gold bracelet this was a gift to my spouse from his mother she passed away in March its all he had from her its gone. I was taking it in to the jewellers to have it fixed. In all the years it has been in our home AS has not touched it. He knows the sentimental value to my husband and his grandmother. He says buddy that was with him must have taken it. Totally his responsible! Last nite I was at the police station waiting for hours turns out they will not pick him up until Wednesday the officer that originally took the call is away until then. Even so they did not catch him in the vehicle ( I saw him take it) it will have to go to court as for the bracelet oh well and my credit card they will have to get him on video using it. The officer said they arrest them and the court gives them a slap on the wrist. I am so angry he called this morning to say sorry???? I told him not to ever call me again until he gets help and is a working productive member of society. As for the bracelet I feel terrible for my spouse. Back to the pound today to retrieve the vehicle 465.00 plus a new tire, and who knows what front end damage he has done.
He has done alot of things but to steal our vehicle right in front of us unbelievable. I asked the police about a restraing order it turns out they dont do it. I have to go to court and apply for one.

catlovermi

I hafta tell ya... good for you for coming here to vent!

If those circumstances had happened to me, there would be nuclear mushroom clouds steaming out my ears, and it would take YEARS of EARNING my trust back the HARD way before I'd be able to have any sort of relationship with said person.

You are totally entitled to your anger!

So sorry you have to live like this! Glad nobody was hurt, though!

CLMI

winnie12

I just cannot imagine how angry I would be if my AS did this - but then again the only reason he hasnt is probably because he cant drive. I dont trust him so I never took him to even get his learners permit - he'll have to do that on his own when he's 18 because there is no way he is getting in my car.

dixied

katie,

as one mom to another I want to say I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I have experienced much of the same regarding personal possessions that meant something to my husband . my son sold them too. they were the china dishes my husband had seen on his moms table ever since he was a young boy......we retrieved them on the day after thanksgiving. this was two years ago. we filed a warrant for breach of trust. nothing ever happened because my son entered rehab.

I know this won't make it any easier but think of it this way......if they were in control they never would do these things.........it is the workings of a hijacked brain and the sons or daughters we know are really not in control.
I hang onto the thought that absolutely no one would want to live like this or experience these consequences if they could prevent them. That certainly does not give them a pass but it gave me a little compassion for my son when I needed it most.......to help me contain my anger.

I really have no advice. Just know that people do overcome this disease...mostly when the consequences of their actions become too painful.
I send you a hug and my prayers also.
dixied

liesagain

:ghug

hello-kitty

I cannot believe it. I'm so frustrated for you. His behavior is monsterous. High-jacked brain or not, it makes me really angry about what he does to you. I think the restraining order is a necessity to protect yourself and your belongings. Eventually, your son will get cleaned up and he will appreciate the reasons behind it.

Impurrfect

(((Katie)))

First of all, find another place to put your purse. I know it sucks that you have to hide it at all, but isn't this the 2nd time your AS has gotten into your purse in the vehicle?

Second of all, I'm so, so sorry. Especially that the cops don't seem to be helping you at all. As far as I know, once you report the cards stolen, if anyone tries to use them, whether or not they are on video, they can be arrested. My dad's card was "lost", he didn't even know it until someone tried to use it...they caught them, the girl was arrested and the bank called him and let him know.

Major hugs and prayers coming your way. I can't imagine how much this hurts.

Amy

caileesnana

from another mom, I understand completley! No matter that they are broken, we know it is the drugs. That doesn't help when you feel so betrayed and violated. in time, this will pass. we still love our kids, regardless of what they have done to us. I belive telling him no contact until sober is a good thing. it may, just may be the thing that helps save his life. You can't do anything else to help him. It must come from him.

I am so sorry for your pain,
susan

BBD

Hi Maggie, My heart breaks for you hon. His actions are unbelieveable towards his own parents. I haven't lived through anything that horrendous but have suffered hurt also. Your so smart telling him to stay away till he has entered rehab or has cleaned up. That will surely hit him......My son had a ring that my dad had left us and he hocked it for money. Thank goodness I knew the pawn dealer. He called and I got the ring back....guess who will never see it again? You sound strong. Stay on that path and know your in my thoughts. Hugs, Bonnie

katie44

Thankyou for your replies. I do have to remind myself that his brain is hijacked by drugs. He phoned me at work today can you believe he asked if he could come for Christmas? I said "no" Even though we dont see him anymore or financially help him he still doesnt get it. The thought of him and his buddy ripping through my purse like savages for cash or cards sickens me. His excuse for what he has done is he was jonsing for crack whatever that means? I will never get it how can someone come in your home look normal and run out the door and steal a vehicle. Well I guess tomorrow he will get a big surprise when the police show up to arrest him. I hope they hold him, he has never spent the nite in jail.

Impurrfect

(((Katie)))

Thanks for the reminder of why I gave up crack. I never went as far as your son, but your post reminded me of how out of control I was and how I never want to go back.

BTW, "jonesing" is just another word for a very strong craving...all you can think about is getting more.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

marle

Just sending some hugs. I know it must hurt like h*ll to have your child do that to you, but it is a good thing that you can see it as the drugs. And a really good thing that you have been able to detach from him. Hugs, Marle

crazybabie

((((((((((((Katie)))))))))

I feel your frustration, anger and pain it is pathetic that we as parents have to hide everything we have in order to safeguard it. Our AS stole my husbands fathers AMP that was the last thing hubby had of his fathers. I reminded him noone could take his memories.

I wonder sometimes how I am ever shocked by the things they do. I HATE drugs.

Ann

Oh, Katie, your posts stirs up some awful memories for me too and I am sending huge hugs. I too have lost heirlooms that were precious to me and will never see them again.

Good for you for pressing charges and not allowing him in your home. I had to enforce that boundary too and the one time I let down my guard and let my son go down the basement to retrieve some clothes he had there...he heisted my husbands portable TV that he takes with him when he travels for work. He carried it right past me in his backpack and never flinched.

My prayers go out for your boy and mine. And extra prayers for you for all you have been through.

Hugs

hope213

i am so sorry this has happened to you. drugs really are a terrible thing & break families up so bad. sending hugs & prayers for you, your son & family.

loner1968

It really stinks that the cops don't do anything. Does he have to come back and hurt someone before they will help you? Jonesing for crack? Give me a break. That takes the cake! Like you are just supposed to say "ok I understand why you ripped me off and cost me all this money"
I'm sorry this happened. I guess five minutes in the house is too much since I'm sure he had the plan all mapped out before he even came through the door. and they just don't get it. Him asking if he can come for Christmas just proves how messed up his mind is but that's not an excuse either. My mind is messed up too from a lifetime of physical pain but I don't go around stealing and hurting my family or anyone else for that matter. Makes me so angry!!! Sorry...I just hate it all.
Maybe you could talk to someone else about the Restraining order. there has to be something they can do to help you.

sojourner

katie44:

You are doing so well with all this - you've got my support to follow through with all of this and more. Hijacked brain, true, but that hijacked brain sure can cause family to lose a lot - materially and emotionally. I've noticed when my AS comes over (always un-announced - i hate when he does that), that i position myself so that he sits in a chair right inside the door and I position myself with my back to the rest of the house - a position of defense. And then i ask what he wants and wait for him to answer. It's just the subconscious position i put myself in to tell this alien sitting across from me, with nonverbal cues, that he can come in this far and no further. When I observe my behavior in my mind's eye, i think it is so telling of the entire relationship right now.

No more house visits for your son, no way!!! How did he get the truck started??

katie44

I guess I let my guard down, he took the spare keys from the kitchen. What burns me is he met this individual downtown who he doesnt know and preplanned it telling him to wait at the side of the house. I pressed the charges myself the police can't because they didnt catch him in the vehicle. Oh how I wish they had got him in the truck. You should see the inside of it. Beer cans, cigarette butts totally, ransacked. Honestly he has done so much

cinderellawkids

Katie, when my vehicle was stolen the insurance company pushed the police all they had to do was match up finger prints and arrest someone, that individual has restitution to pay the insurance company for the damage.

You know why they dont do anything, because theres so amny everywhere and not enough room or funding to hold them. I know where we live the public defenders offices have 3 times the case load as last year and most drug related charges

Im sorry for what you are going through

sojourner

oh Katie44: you gotta outsmart that addiction - no more spare keys where he can easily get his hands on them - and no way can that hijacked brain come over and say, "hi" - he is just not capable of that kind of relationship - his relationship with you and your husband is only that of using/acquiring your assets.

You are doing the right thing by your son - remember what addicts in recovery say to each other - "just do the next right thing." And the next right thing in your situation is holding your son accountable legally for what he has done - in the end, it is the best gift you can give your son -