love2store

wow it has been almost a year since the last time I even looked at this site. but I should of been using the site for the last year because NOT a lot has changed I'm still listening to the same old song and dance from my husband I even caught him cheating so not only do I have a drug and alcoholic husband i even have a cheater. (wow) and I still find myself trying to help him and for the life of me I can't figure it out on why I do this. all we do is fight he calls me controlling I call him many things I'm not even sure if I love him I'm so confused I try and make my kids happy, him happy, and me not happy and I dont know why i dont want to make me happy. I have tryed to go to Alon and I relay didn't give it a shot because i only went one time but felt uncombable there not sure why.

I looked up divorce on line the other day and started to fill in all the info and then I stopped not sure why on that either. wow I'm not sure on a lot of things maybe he is right maybe i am controlling and that is the only way I'm going to be happy. well it is making me very angry righting all this down maybe that's what i need to do is just write so when I read it to make sure it's all spelled right i will see what a fool i am (wow again) well I'm just going on and on sorry but i need to post this so that some one who once was a fool and has no more WOW'S in there story they can help me get them out of my story.

thanks so much

BBD

Sorry your hurting so much love. Maybe you should try some counciling for yourself...I did that and it sure made me look at life differently. My problem is my son and his cocaine addiction. Hopefully we're on the road to recovery but every day I still worry. Not as much but I sure do love him and want the best, healthy son I can have. Good luck and smiles, Bonnie

LynziDee

I am sorry this is so hard for you. Just remember you need to take care of YOU! Find a meeting, go out with some friends, or go see a therapist. Do some things for YOU!

Hope you're feeling better soon!!

TTOSBT

Love,
Maybe this is the beginning of you starting to take care of yourself?
I would suggest trying out Alanon again. They say that you should try at least 6 meetings before making a decision about whether it is right for you.
Welcome back!

itisatruth

(((love2store))) Welcome back! I joined while you were away but wanted to tell you I have felt so many of those same things. I'm making progress -- slow maybe, but I'm doing the best I can and doing more for me now.

I heard this when I first joined and it really helped me feel better about myself so I'm passing it on:

This site has helped me so much -- vent as much as you need to. Another thing, it took me a while to find the alanon meeting best suited to me. I really hope you will give it another try -- I don't know where I'd be without my new alanon friends and our weekly visits to the local Mexican food restaurant. Call me crazy, but I love any day I can have chips and salsa

Hope you stick around!

love2store

thanks for all your thought's and I will continue to be around. I have been reading some postings and I felt better today just reading. thanks everyone.

winnie12

I noticed with both my AS and my Ex - they always said I was controlling. I believed that was a fault in me for a long time and then I realized that I was just trying to control things because they couldnt - I was fighting to keep my family together and safe. My ex is gone (now unemployed and homeless) and my AS is in jail but my personal life is in control - the bills are paid, chores are done, there is no drama, and nothing is hanging over our head. They have both lost everything they cared about - and of course they want me to bail them out of their trouble. The thing that they complained about so much with me is the one thing they want back - now its just too late because I cant go back and its time they learned to take care of themselves. My Ex is a grown man and its time that he learned to take care of himself without me - my son will soon be an adult and its time for him to take the consequences for his actions. I know now i cant control their liives but I can control my own - I set the boundaries and when they crossed - this woman who they both assumed would always be there for them no matter what, was not.

love2store

Thanks your right about the controlling part of it ,my ah only calls me controlling when he is messing up. Very good point.