Found out spouse was addicted to meth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Found out spouse was addicted to meth
So yesterday was a great Thanksgiving day (heavy sarcasm). My husband had picked apart his face again. He looked terrible and was too embarrassed to go see my family or his family for that matter. This has been going on for about a year. Maybe once a month he becomes paranoid, starts picking apart his face. He has to take a week off from work, and he just stays in the dark in our bedroom. Well I had no idea what was really going on, but he finally admits to me, each one of these times he was on meth. He'd never paid for it, except for the very last time, which is why he knew he had a problem.
I'm so mad, that this could be going on behind my back and I couldn't even tell. I feel so stupid, because here I am helping him out with school, being an understanding wife, and he's basically just using me.
So I don't know. For now I'm helping him through this. Whether we stay together forever is pretty unknown at this point. We've been together for 7 years, and he says this last year is the first time that's he's ever had a problem. He's not the kind to lie to me...and in this case he was just hiding the truth as long as possible.
So what is the best course of action to get him through this? What should I be taking away or being on the lookout for? He says he'll do anything to change...and I just want to make this "anything" be the most productive thing possible.
Is there anything else I'm missing? I am so new to this.
I'm so mad, that this could be going on behind my back and I couldn't even tell. I feel so stupid, because here I am helping him out with school, being an understanding wife, and he's basically just using me.
So I don't know. For now I'm helping him through this. Whether we stay together forever is pretty unknown at this point. We've been together for 7 years, and he says this last year is the first time that's he's ever had a problem. He's not the kind to lie to me...and in this case he was just hiding the truth as long as possible.
So what is the best course of action to get him through this? What should I be taking away or being on the lookout for? He says he'll do anything to change...and I just want to make this "anything" be the most productive thing possible.
Is there anything else I'm missing? I am so new to this.
Hollyce Jones
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Golden State of California
Posts: 77
Kitten-
Bummer.
BUT! I'm so glad your husband came clean with you about what's going on with him. He seems, according to your post, willing to take positive steps towards recovery, so...
Does he have health insurance? If so, they may cover some programs for those wanting to become sober and clean from drugs.
I'm sure there are all kinds of free services too, if he doesn't have insurance. I have a feeling (haven't looked) you can find some links via this site for some leads to meetings, detox etc. services.
Good Luck! Hang in there...
Hollyce
Bummer.
BUT! I'm so glad your husband came clean with you about what's going on with him. He seems, according to your post, willing to take positive steps towards recovery, so...Does he have health insurance? If so, they may cover some programs for those wanting to become sober and clean from drugs.
I'm sure there are all kinds of free services too, if he doesn't have insurance. I have a feeling (haven't looked) you can find some links via this site for some leads to meetings, detox etc. services.
Good Luck! Hang in there...
Hollyce
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. honey, it is a long,hard road for an addict. meth is one of the hardest drugs to get off of. some really want to but can't. miracles happen every day. this is his problem & not yours because he has got to do it,he has got to b ready. read around this site. read the stickys at the top of the forum.keep coming back here & let us know how it is. we all care. prayers going up for u & your husband. i am really sorry about this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6
He does have health insurance, which will pay for 50% of services. So I guess he knows what he's getting for Christmas. (not an xbox d'oh)
There are two treatment centers nearby that he promises to call monday. I'll keep you posted.
Sending him to treatment will help. My concern, I just don't want to be an enabler...I really want him to get better!
There are two treatment centers nearby that he promises to call monday. I'll keep you posted.
Sending him to treatment will help. My concern, I just don't want to be an enabler...I really want him to get better!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
valskitten -
Welcome to SR.
I am so sorry to hear you are in this place with your husband.
There aren't any absolute answers to some of your questions, but I can offer the following from my experience.
1. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing. Addicts are very clever in thier ability to protect their addiction. In my case, my niece was living with me and had me fooled for a year and 1/2. (later, she was sent to rehab and jail and when she got out, she had me and her p.o. fooled for a year - she almost immediately returned to using and dealing meth)
2. Read everything you can so that you know what to expect. The stickies on this site are helpful, there is a book called "Addictive Thinking" by Abraham J. Twerski (all his books are great) that can help you understand the mental changes that occur with an addict. This information helped me keep my sanity.
3. They call addiction a family disease. I didn't realize how much until I started recoverying from the insanity myself. I would suggest you find a Nar Anon family group to attend - Al Anon if you cant find a Nar Anon. These folks have been where you are and can provide information, support and insight as you go through this.
4. Meth causes some very serious brain chemistry and structure changes. Paranoia is a common sypmptom of Meth psychosis. Some or all of this might be reversed with a long enough space of abstinance. In my niece's case, she has been psychotic and delusional and the psychiatrist in the jail won't even prescribe meds for her for another 9 months till she's been sober for a year because they can't tell if there is underlying mental illness until they rule out the impact of the drugs. The extent and duration of this damage depends on how much and how long someone has been using. I have noticed that little by little she is getting back to normal thinking as she stays sober.
5. He needs professional help to get and stay sober. If there is any way to get a mental health/substance abuse professional to assess him, that would be a great start. If he has an employee assistance number to call, they could provide a referral - or he could get a referral from his health insurance company. That way, it can determined if he is capable of out-patient treatment or if he needs residental treatment. Many health insurance policies cover this and if not many states and counties have programs. The mental health assessment can help you understand what really needs to happen for him to recover. If he is reluctant to do this, it is a red flag. Be alert for "excuses" that don't make sense (like recovery will threaten his work stability - when actually addiction will threaten work, etc.)
And lastly, if he is really ready to recover, you'll know it from his actions, not his words. I fell pray all too often to my niece's words when her actions were screaming volumes at me.
Prayers that you are able to find your way through this and your husband finds recovery.
Welcome to SR.
I am so sorry to hear you are in this place with your husband.
There aren't any absolute answers to some of your questions, but I can offer the following from my experience.
1. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing. Addicts are very clever in thier ability to protect their addiction. In my case, my niece was living with me and had me fooled for a year and 1/2. (later, she was sent to rehab and jail and when she got out, she had me and her p.o. fooled for a year - she almost immediately returned to using and dealing meth)
2. Read everything you can so that you know what to expect. The stickies on this site are helpful, there is a book called "Addictive Thinking" by Abraham J. Twerski (all his books are great) that can help you understand the mental changes that occur with an addict. This information helped me keep my sanity.
3. They call addiction a family disease. I didn't realize how much until I started recoverying from the insanity myself. I would suggest you find a Nar Anon family group to attend - Al Anon if you cant find a Nar Anon. These folks have been where you are and can provide information, support and insight as you go through this.
4. Meth causes some very serious brain chemistry and structure changes. Paranoia is a common sypmptom of Meth psychosis. Some or all of this might be reversed with a long enough space of abstinance. In my niece's case, she has been psychotic and delusional and the psychiatrist in the jail won't even prescribe meds for her for another 9 months till she's been sober for a year because they can't tell if there is underlying mental illness until they rule out the impact of the drugs. The extent and duration of this damage depends on how much and how long someone has been using. I have noticed that little by little she is getting back to normal thinking as she stays sober.
5. He needs professional help to get and stay sober. If there is any way to get a mental health/substance abuse professional to assess him, that would be a great start. If he has an employee assistance number to call, they could provide a referral - or he could get a referral from his health insurance company. That way, it can determined if he is capable of out-patient treatment or if he needs residental treatment. Many health insurance policies cover this and if not many states and counties have programs. The mental health assessment can help you understand what really needs to happen for him to recover. If he is reluctant to do this, it is a red flag. Be alert for "excuses" that don't make sense (like recovery will threaten his work stability - when actually addiction will threaten work, etc.)
And lastly, if he is really ready to recover, you'll know it from his actions, not his words. I fell pray all too often to my niece's words when her actions were screaming volumes at me.
Prayers that you are able to find your way through this and your husband finds recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
As a recovering meth addict myself, I can tell you it is possible to get clean, but the bottom line is he is going to have to put forth a lot of effort, and have the desire to get clean and stay clean more than use.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Thanks Troubledone, I will have to check out the book that you recommended.
This is the first board that i have posted on. One common thread I am getting on, is that this will be his change to make. And so I will give him all the information that I have gathered, and hope his actions show his sincerity.
I really appreciate all your kind words, and encouragement.
This is the first board that i have posted on. One common thread I am getting on, is that this will be his change to make. And so I will give him all the information that I have gathered, and hope his actions show his sincerity.
I really appreciate all your kind words, and encouragement.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I'm so mad, that this could be going on behind my back and I couldn't even tell. I feel so stupid, because here I am helping him out with school, being an understanding wife, and he's basically just using me.
Only one person in my circle knew of my meth use, it is an easy thing to hide, even to those closest to us.
I would try and look at in a different way, he's not really 'using you' he's doing what his addiction dictates him to do. It's about him, not about how he feels about you.
Be gentle on yourself.
Here is a link you may want to pas s on to him in the meantime while your waiting about rehab.
Crystal Meth Anonymous
:ghug
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