Loosing It All

Old 11-27-2008, 01:03 PM
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Loosing It All

I'm finally ready to throw in the towel. Never in a million years did I think my life would end up where it is now. I'm 45 years old AS is 21. Our family business is on the verge of bankruptcy. 23 months ago I let my husband talk me in to buying a large home to accomdate a portion of his business. After nites of yelling and arguing I gave in. I was so busy looking after my terminal mother and so enloped in AS life I just crumbled and gave in. Even before we moved in to the new castle we lost a million dollar contract a year. We could not back out of the deal. I warned him this could happen and he assured me it was a sealed deal I should gamble once in my life.
My other home had no mortgage. We lived in the new house for one year and sold it. Buying that home lost our line of credit on our business and a whole lot of stress. I bought a new home 8 months ago an affordable one with a bigger mortgage then the 1st. Well due to the great big house, the economy and hubbies ignorance towards his finances we are on the verge of loosing the house , our vehicles, our business all of it. Lo and behold he is back to drinking typical alcoholic life gets stressful and he drinks. AS is a mess, I have one beautiful daughter who is doing well and I thank god for that everyday. I am so angry, so scared I know the marriage is over not because of his stupididty ( yes its my fault I should have put my foot down). I just have had enough its not about the money its years of pending anger. Has anyone else been through this?
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Old 11-27-2008, 01:06 PM
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(((Katie)))

I haven't been through all this...what I lost, I lost because of my OWN addiction. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending you lots of hugs.

Amy
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Old 11-27-2008, 01:20 PM
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Katie, your story could have been mine a few years back. My mother was dying, my son was in his addiction big time, my husband was working a million hours trying to keep his business alive and money became very tight.

It got better for me when I began going to CoDA meetings and learned a better way of living myself. That gave me the courage to do what I had to do and get through it relatively unscathed. Check your area for CoDA meetings (I think they are Wednesday nights now, there and they have a wonderful fellowship) or try Alanon or Naranon. It can't hurt and it just might save your sanity.

I'm sending big hugs because you sure sound like you could use some.
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Old 11-27-2008, 01:21 PM
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I' so to vent like that there are so many other people with more difficult problems. I just feel like my whole life is crumbling around me. I truly believe its depression I cry every day, tired , putting things off. I just dont seem to be that strong person anymore. As for the marriage I really don't care anymore. I will not go back to the drinking days and being a babysitter ( oh he doesnt have a problem everyone drinks) his excuse he is under pressure, I have been horrible lately yelling, flying off the handle, panic attacks. Sometimes I truly wonder if things happen in life for a reason?
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Old 11-27-2008, 01:31 PM
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Many many years ago I married someone who I did not know was a late-stage alcoholic.

He swept me off my feet. I was a single mom, with a 5 year old son, and I wanted a stable family life, a husband, roots and security. I thought with him I would finally have that.

Then I married him (after a brief courtship) and the addiction was unveiled.

By that time I had moved my son and me our of our rented house, given away every bit of furniture we had, enrolled my son in a new kindergarten at the H's university where H taught. And progressively over the next two years endured the verbal abuse , the bullying, the crises and despair of life with a severe alcoholic. Then he hit me and I moved my son and me out of there within 2 weeks.

We had to start over from scratch and it wasn't easy but we had enough: I found another modest house to rent, enough pieces of old furniture, enrolled him in a new school, and lived on a shoestring until things stabilized.

My hope and prayer for you is that you will find some way to escape the trapped feeling you are experiencing, with some clear thinking, good advice from practical people, and an absolute commitment not to let your husband's refusal to change deter you from changing your life.

Today I hope you find some way to find a small shaft of light in the fog. Maybe buy yourself a beautiful notebook and in it start designing the life you want and listing the changes that will bring you closer.

Many good wishes to you, many hopes. The destruction always precedes the rebirth.
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Old 11-28-2008, 07:18 AM
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sending prayers for you that things will get better for you. hugs too.
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Old 11-28-2008, 08:09 AM
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Katie,
I understand the stress you're feeling.
It all seems to come apart at the seams during the holiday season...is that a Murphys law, or what?

You need to take care of you, and put everyone else on the back burner. (easy to say, hard to do)
Like Ann suggested, find some meetings, make yourself feel better.



Warm hugs and thoughts.............
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Old 11-28-2008, 08:20 AM
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Sending some hugs and prayers that things will work out for you. In the meantime take care of yourself. Hugs, Marle
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