Today i feel ok!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midlands
Posts: 201
Today i feel ok!!!
Hey everyone, i want to thank you all for helping me the past few days. Listening to me whining and remebering, and asking questions.
Today i woke up and realised again he hadn't tried calling me during the night. I felt ok about it. Then instead of feeling intense pain and crying my eyes out, i felt angry with him. For the first time.
I lay in bed and allowed myself to feel angry. And it felt better than crying.
Well, a little while later i heard from a girlfriend of mine who didn't know we'd finished things. I had met her through Alex' group of friends and she used to go out with him and his friends on nights out together. We became friends.
Well she told me she'd seen Alex 'the other day' walking down the road. She said he looked 'dreadful'!!!
I found myself smiling and feeling better already. I probed her about it.
She told me she bumped into him whilst he was walking back from the local shop.
Apparently his hair was all sticking up, he had his big coat on and could have been wearing pijamas underneath for all she knew.
She didn't note what he'd bought from the shop because she was so shocked with his appearence.
He spoke to her briefly and went on his way.
I proceeded to tell her we'd finished things. She was SO relieved. She said she never saw him look so awful. Now, i know i shouldn't feel good about it. But part of me does. At least i know i'm doing better than he is after the way he made me feel the past couple of weeks.
Plus maybe he might hit his bottom sooner than i expected??? I dunno.
She told me she used to hang with him and his friends for 6 months before she met me, and told me some dreadful things she'd witnessed and she was glad i was moving on with my life.
She told me i'd be wasting my time if he ever tried to get back with me.
So, now i'm sat here feeling a bit better. That i am doing the right thing by keeping away, not contacting him, and looking after myself.
Here i was thinking he was doing perfectly without me. Sounds like he's just getting more into his addiction since we broke up than i realised.
No idea if he was using when she saw him that day or if he was sober. But either way it doesn't matter.
I can't see him making a success of anything in his current state, and i feel relieved i'm out of it.
Tomorrow i might miss him again, but today i feel thankful.
~Limiya~
Today i woke up and realised again he hadn't tried calling me during the night. I felt ok about it. Then instead of feeling intense pain and crying my eyes out, i felt angry with him. For the first time.
I lay in bed and allowed myself to feel angry. And it felt better than crying.
Well, a little while later i heard from a girlfriend of mine who didn't know we'd finished things. I had met her through Alex' group of friends and she used to go out with him and his friends on nights out together. We became friends.
Well she told me she'd seen Alex 'the other day' walking down the road. She said he looked 'dreadful'!!!
I found myself smiling and feeling better already. I probed her about it.
She told me she bumped into him whilst he was walking back from the local shop.
Apparently his hair was all sticking up, he had his big coat on and could have been wearing pijamas underneath for all she knew.
She didn't note what he'd bought from the shop because she was so shocked with his appearence.
He spoke to her briefly and went on his way.
I proceeded to tell her we'd finished things. She was SO relieved. She said she never saw him look so awful. Now, i know i shouldn't feel good about it. But part of me does. At least i know i'm doing better than he is after the way he made me feel the past couple of weeks.
Plus maybe he might hit his bottom sooner than i expected??? I dunno.
She told me she used to hang with him and his friends for 6 months before she met me, and told me some dreadful things she'd witnessed and she was glad i was moving on with my life.
She told me i'd be wasting my time if he ever tried to get back with me.
So, now i'm sat here feeling a bit better. That i am doing the right thing by keeping away, not contacting him, and looking after myself.
Here i was thinking he was doing perfectly without me. Sounds like he's just getting more into his addiction since we broke up than i realised.
No idea if he was using when she saw him that day or if he was sober. But either way it doesn't matter.
I can't see him making a success of anything in his current state, and i feel relieved i'm out of it.
Tomorrow i might miss him again, but today i feel thankful.
~Limiya~
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
I'm glad you are feeling better today- anger always is the movement I a have after a long bout of sadness.....
Try to stay there to get to the next step - indifference.
Smile, feel good about yourself.....
Keep pushing forward
Cess
Try to stay there to get to the next step - indifference.
Smile, feel good about yourself.....
Keep pushing forward
Cess
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Glad to hear you are doing better.
Makes it easier when you find out that they really arent any better off without you. Like all those imagines you have of him out there living it up and having a GREAT life werent bad enough. I hate to say this but it makes me feel better that on some small level his life really isnt better now that he is out on his own. He would say that to hurt me before.
So enjoy this moment.
Makes it easier when you find out that they really arent any better off without you. Like all those imagines you have of him out there living it up and having a GREAT life werent bad enough. I hate to say this but it makes me feel better that on some small level his life really isnt better now that he is out on his own. He would say that to hurt me before.
So enjoy this moment.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midlands
Posts: 201
Thanks guys.
I am just going to enjoy the moment, knowing what happened was right.
I keep re-reading the final text message i sent to him when he tried to contact me last monday, i finally lost it and wrote to him.
'How dare you call me and text me at this time of the morning, demanding me to speak to you. Then when i finally do you have nothing to say. You broke my heart, and now you want to play with the pieces? How dare you!!! I have every right to feel angry and you have thrown away someone who cared for you deeply. If you have nothing to say then fine. x'
He responded tellin me he'd never bother me again and to do likewise. that was the last i heard from him.
I was feeling bad about what i said, even though i know i was right. I believe it gave him the reason he was looking for to not speak with me.
And now i hear he is looking dreadful makes me feel that bit better. Maybe he realised he had done enough!!! I had had enough.
~Limiya~
I am just going to enjoy the moment, knowing what happened was right.
I keep re-reading the final text message i sent to him when he tried to contact me last monday, i finally lost it and wrote to him.
'How dare you call me and text me at this time of the morning, demanding me to speak to you. Then when i finally do you have nothing to say. You broke my heart, and now you want to play with the pieces? How dare you!!! I have every right to feel angry and you have thrown away someone who cared for you deeply. If you have nothing to say then fine. x'
He responded tellin me he'd never bother me again and to do likewise. that was the last i heard from him.
I was feeling bad about what i said, even though i know i was right. I believe it gave him the reason he was looking for to not speak with me.
And now i hear he is looking dreadful makes me feel that bit better. Maybe he realised he had done enough!!! I had had enough.
~Limiya~
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