Limiya

If you think writing a journal will make you feel even just a little bit better, then do it.
I write one too. I don't write letters to him, as it's too painful, but i do write down all the things he used to do to upset me, how i felt and what what i'm feeling now.
I find that helps a lot.

Here for you.
~Limiya~

winnie12

you may want to do some reading on the stages of grief. the process of getting over a relationship is very similar to dealing with any other loss in life. You have to allow yourself to go through each stage of grief. If you suppress the feelings or dont learn to let them out in a healthy way you can really prolong the process and its physical and emotional effects on you.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

jerect

Honey, there is something you can do about it.. that something is doing something about you...

I know you are in a lot of pain, but the longer you stay in the state you are in the more you are allowing your EX BF and his addiction have power over you..

You have to stop taking what HE did to you personaly.. he did not do this to hurt you or to cause you pain.. chances are he does not know that he has hurt you or caused you this much misery.. He is not thinking about it nor does he care.. he is an addict who is using, therefore he is only thinking of himself and how he can use the next person that comes along to feed and support his addiction..

He doesn't love himself, so how can he love you or anyone else..

I can assure you he is not getting off scott-free.. sweetie, he is living in his own hell, one that is far worse then the pain you are experiancing..


I know it may not seem like it but your HP always has a plan, a bigger and better plan then either you nor I could ever come up with.. I struggled with this for a long time.. but then I realized that even though things did not work out the way I thought they should work out, they usually worked out for my highest good. My prayers have always been answered just maybe not in the way I wanted them too be answered.

I know you are hurting and your pain is real but you must move past this, if not you are in no better shape then your addict.. For months I wallowed in misery over what my AH did to me, the lies, the cheating, more lies, the stealing.. all it got me was more misery.. then I started working a program.. and you know what, now i wonder what took me so long.. it's so much easier to work a program and to put all of my pain, fear, worry and tears into the hands of my HP and let go and let him be in charge..then for me to live in the chaos that I was living in..

You have to find away to just let go or else this is going to destroy you..

In a Tailspin

I like the idea of journaling...........I think that whenever you leave a relationship, there comes a time when your mind starts playing tricks on you. Suddenly all you can remember are the good times and the reasons you fell in love with that person in the first place. And you begin to question your decision to leave.......

My advice?...............write down all the reasons you got out of the relationship. And re-read them whenever you start questioning yourself. I left my marriage after having to call 911 on my ex. For several months after the divorce was final, I carried the domestic violence police report in my wallet...........as a reminder of why I had left and why I was doing the right thing........

Good luck to you............and take care of yourself!! A candlelight bubble bath can do wonders for the soul!

splendra

Sometimes when I journal about painful feelings I try to make it rhyme. Giving it rhyme and meter will give me insight and soften the pain as I get more into the beat. It will show me something about my obsession that I just don't think I can get any other way. The most important thing is a rhyme can help me find humor. Rhymes can be so funny if you let them.

There are several good rhyming dictionaries online here is a link to one I use:

RhymeZone rhyming dictionary and thesaurus

whereami

Reply to previous post from grieving girlfriend whose ab is not there for her...Thats why I read my past blogs when I get weak it reminds me of all the crap mine put me through and I realize I am better than to settle for someone who loves a 1 ounce pill over a beautiful living breathing child and her mommy who gave everything to that goober! I hate to say it but they just don't give a crap about who they hurt as long as their needs are met but my friend did tell me this..Proverbs 13: 20 "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" Gosh it made me stop and think you know what I am going to surround myself by family and friends and focus on good for once....hugs to you we are at the exact same place in grieving right now and I still cry every night wishing he would just snap out of it...I send so many hugs to you hang in there...

BellasNona

Journaling is great, I tried it in the beginning, but now I have one word for you.
Antidepressants!!! Please trust me I am not giving you an easy way out, but it
helps through the beginning of this journey. My AH is 6 weeks clean after about
8 tries and I find it harder and harder to deal with. My doctor put me on Effexor
and what a difference. It doesn't make you forget, but it does stop the crying
and the tough emotional end of it. I can function, I'm not a zombie by any means,
but I don't cry when I look at him, I don't feel like I want to run out the door and
I can get out of bed every morning and enjoy my children. It doesn't have to be
permanent either, you can come off anytime you feel ready, just do it with docs
supervision. Its working for me right now, what have you got to loose

lovesmenot74

BellasNona,

FYI ... I have been on antidepressants for a while now and while I find that it helps some with anxiety, not so much with anything else ...

katie44

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, that what happens the addicts drain us. I swear tinme will heal your pain. Journelling is a great idea. I started seeing a therapist lately and she suggested it, it really does relieve some of your anxiety. Addicts can be very selfish, and they truly dont realize just how selfish they have been until they are in recovery. They say that everything that happens in our lives we learn from and it helps us grow. In time you will have a better understanding of all of this. An addict is uncapable of loving, Im sorry there first love is there drug. Deep within they feel such a self hatred, so we can not expect any more from them. Jerect is right when saying " he is living in a worse hell" one that we never, ever want to walk the shoes in. Crying is good it helps to get out all the emotions. Please be kind to yourself, try to get out the house even if its for a cup of coffee with a friend, or a short walk. The more you do for your self the better you will feel. ((( hugs))))

HurtingDad

Wow...well written post and great responses. The pain is just so real. I deal with an addicted son but pain is pain. Someone advised to you reread your post, and take special notice of the bad situations he's put you in. He is an addict and is selfish.

I wish you help and energy in moving on, it's so hard to do. I agree
totally with your thanks to this forum.

Prayers for you being sent your way.

UNHAPPY777

Hi
I just wanted to add that I feel the same way you are feeling. I was screaming at my AH the other day and said there can't be a God because he wouldn't allow this to happen to me. I haven't done anything to deserve this. He just sat there with a blank stare. Then, the next day I remember reading the poem Footprints and it states that when you think God has abandoned you, that it is the very time that he is carrying you through. So, there is a higher power you just have to believe!!!!!

mellowchick

(((lmn74))) take it slow, healing takes time. Treat yourself to something, manicure, pedicure, new outfit, etc, etc. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it will get better with time. I'm sending many hugs, prayers and warm wishes your way!

mellowchick

(((lmn74))) take it slow, healing takes time. Treat yourself to something, manicure, pedicure, new outfit, etc, etc. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it will get better with time. I'm sending many hugs, prayers and warm wishes your way!