There's Hope

Old 11-21-2008, 05:01 PM
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There's Hope

A year ago, I came here, to this forum and poured my heart out to you. I spoke about my son, my beautiful then 19 year old boy, an alcoholic and cocaine addict. And oh yes - let's not forget the marijuana and all the other mind-altering substances. I spoke about the rampant stealing, lying and all the horrific behavior that ruined all of our lives for the previous six years. I had no hope. I was at the point that I had completely given up and believe me, that wasn't easy. Then one day, he was evicted from his apartment for non-payment of rent and we weren't there to bail him out. He wanted to come home and we said no. He begged us and we said, "We're sorry, son, you can't stay here anymore." This was the hardest thing my husband and I ever did in our lives. In the dead of winter, my son lived in his car, with no gas, no money and no food. His next phone call was to a rehab center.

Our son has now been sober for 10 months. He attends AA meetings faithfully, holds down 2 jobs and is one of the best people I have ever met in my life. I write this to let you know that if it can happen for us, it can happen for you. There's hope.
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:49 PM
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Thanks for this post. I don't know if I could have been as strong. It is wonderful to hear that when we don't pick them up, they start to pick themselves up..

A wonderful story...
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:54 PM
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thanks for the reminder that there is HOPE~~~~sometimes we (the family and loved ones) just have to get out of the way. You and your husband did great!! And your son is doing GREAT!!!! best wishes to you and your family
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Old 11-21-2008, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Tryingveryhard View Post
A year ago, I came here, to this forum and poured my heart out to you. I spoke about my son, my beautiful then 19 year old boy, an alcoholic and cocaine addict. And oh yes - let's not forget the marijuana and all the other mind-altering substances. I spoke about the rampant stealing, lying and all the horrific behavior that ruined all of our lives for the previous six years. I had no hope. I was at the point that I had completely given up and believe me, that wasn't easy. Then one day, he was evicted from his apartment for non-payment of rent and we weren't there to bail him out. He wanted to come home and we said no. He begged us and we said, "We're sorry, son, you can't stay here anymore." This was the hardest thing my husband and I ever did in our lives. In the dead of winter, my son lived in his car, with no gas, no money and no food. His next phone call was to a rehab center.

Our son has now been sober for 10 months. He attends AA meetings faithfully, holds down 2 jobs and is one of the best people I have ever met in my life. I write this to let you know that if it can happen for us, it can happen for you. There's hope.
Thanks, we need to be reminded that doing the right thing by our addicts can be painful and scary for us, it's the only hope they have for recovery.
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Old 11-21-2008, 08:50 PM
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That was beautiful to read and thank you for sharing.
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:00 PM
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Thanks for giving me hope.
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:05 PM
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That is wonderful to hear. I'm right there in your shoes right now. My 18 yo AS has been out of the house for a week. He is staying at friends, but I think he is wearing his welcome out there. He asked if I would turn his cell phone back on a couple of days ago and I said no. He said it is really hard to find a place to stay without a phone. I told him he could come home when he wanted recovery. He is very angry at me right now.

Your post has given me hope. I know that I am doing the right thing, but it is so very hard. I am very happy for you.

Kathy
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Old 11-22-2008, 06:11 AM
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Thank you for sharing your good news with us. My daughter decided in May to get clean. It was her decision but I had to let go in order for her to find a bottom and be willing to give recovery a try. Hugs, Marle
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Old 11-22-2008, 06:14 AM
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It amazes me how an addict can turn their lives around for the better once they hit a bottom.
I hope it happens with every addict at some point.

I'm really pleased for you.
~Limiya~
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Old 11-22-2008, 06:52 AM
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I am so glad to hear of someone who "got it." I can't help but feel a little jealous, my son has been fighting this addiction for 4 years, is currently in jail and still doesn't seem to be getting it. But I am glad for your son. It gives me proof that this does happen. Sometime it seems so far away.
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:39 AM
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Tryingveryhard,
Sometimes, we have to love them enough to let them go...



Thank you for sharing, I LOVE success stories!
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Old 11-22-2008, 08:10 AM
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Our son has now been sober for 10 months. He attends AA meetings faithfully, holds down 2 jobs and is one of the best people I have ever met in my life. I write this to let you know that if it can happen for us, it can happen for you. There's hope.
(with teary eyes)......I am so happy for your family and most of all your son. That is wonderful news, giving us all hope. Thankyou.

NH7
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Old 11-22-2008, 02:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Troubledone View Post
Thanks for this post. I don't know if I could have been as strong. It is wonderful to hear that when we don't pick them up, they start to pick themselves up..

A wonderful story...
So true!

I am glad for you, your family and your son.

I can only hope that my ex-abf can do the same. He is no longer part of my life for now because I enable him, but his mom keeps me updated, which is nice. It's nice to know there is hope.:praying
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Old 11-22-2008, 02:28 PM
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I live for stories that give us hope.

Thank you for taking the time to share your story.

You sound like incredible parents who loved enough to let go, let him fall and let him decide the outcome.
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Old 11-23-2008, 07:34 PM
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Thank you for your kind words. I never forgot the support you gave me when I thought I couldn't go on a moment longer. Now I hope I can do the same for you through my words of encouragement and hope.

Thanksgiving was always my favorite holiday. I have it at my house and enjoy the cooking, great company and warmth. Last year, my son showed up stoned and drunk, proceeded to lie down on the couch and pass out, in front of everyone. I couldn't wake him up long enough to get him upstairs and he was literally dead weight, so carrying him was out. Not only did he take up seats people were sitting on, he became the centerpiece of the room. When we went to eat in the dining room, you could see him from the table. I was so sick to my stomach I couldn't eat.

This Thanksgiving, he is on his way home from California. He went to rehab there and decided to stay because as he puts it, he was "reborn" there. We visited him a few months ago and it's interesting to hear him espouse the teachings of AA. We told him how proud we are of him and how hard he works at his sobriety and he replied, "For today, I am sober." His "todays" will equal one year on January 23rd and my husband and I are flying to California to attend that special AA meeting.

I did learn something important from my son. He speaks often of his higher power and how his higher power has helped him through. I came to realize that there are just some problems that are far too big to handle by yourself. Addiction is one of them.

This Thanksgiving will be the best one we ever had. We have so much to be thankful for. We ordered a cake for him that says, "Welcome Back, Son." We're not just talking about geography. I can't wait to give it to him.
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Old 11-24-2008, 01:58 AM
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Your story warms my heart and inspires hope for even the most hopeless.

As Moose said, loving them enough to let go can be the greatest love of all.

Happy Thanksgiving, and give your boy a big hug from all of us who gain hope from his miracle.

Hugs
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Old 11-24-2008, 03:41 AM
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Dear Tryin, You post has just validadted what I have seen since coming here. The parents who are the toughest have kids who make it through. When you raise them one way & they go out on their own and choose another they MUST live with the consequences. When they are forced to do that it is almost miraculous how fast they wake up.
The other way they have their cake & get to eat it too. They have their drugs plus a nice lifestyle that we pay for. No way can we allow it.
Love & Hugh Mom Hugs,
Diane
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Old 11-24-2008, 04:30 AM
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Thank you for sharing your story. I love to hear that there is hope for our kids. My son is in treatment right now, and it seems that in the past 2 weeks there, he is finally "getting it". Let's hope they are not just words.
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Old 11-24-2008, 05:14 AM
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Thank you so much for posting this - we all see so much tragedy and sadness and to here some success really helps. it even helps more when we're in the throws of tough love for our child. as a mom (and i'm sure a dad too) its so hard to turn them away when your natural reaction is to take them in. knowing that someone else has seen their son turn their life around gives me hope and that's the one thing i just dont have much of these days.
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Old 11-25-2008, 07:42 AM
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Thanks so much for your post. It is wonderful to hear success stories.....to keep the hope alive.

Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving!!!!
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