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When is it the right time???

Old 11-21-2008, 07:45 AM
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When is it the right time???

So much going on in my little word, "Ritaville"

Making decisions, taking care of me, Livin, breathin, prayin and most of all being grateful! Cause that's how God keeps me sane . .

So the last few days I have had thoughts about when is the "right" time?

Well you know it's Thanksgiving next week
then it's Christmas
New Years
Grandbaby # 7's Birthday
Then his bday
Then a daughter's bday
another daughter's bday
Easter
Mother's Day
Daughter graduation from College
Grandchild's bday
Grandchild's bday
daughter's bday
Father's day
grandchild's bday
daughter bday
grandchild's bday
summer vacation - when grandkids spend lots of time at the house
grandchild's bday
grandchild's bday
Anniversary
football season
daughter's bday

and then guess what - It's Thanksgiving

and I've spent another year - doing the same, the same way, the same life, living in the same insanity - One insane day at a time.

No matter what any one thinks - there will never be a "right time"

I believe there will just have to be a "Rita time"
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Old 11-21-2008, 07:59 AM
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Try not to project past the day you are in Rita. Make every day about you and the things or events just become part of you. Dont let things make you who you are or how you will be. Let you be who you are and what you will do.

Hugs to you for today.
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:14 AM
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(((Rita)))

I'm sorry you're struggling.

For me, the "right time" was when I woke up, one day too many, and had the thought "I just can't do this any more" again....when I felt like I was walking through quicksand...when it was an effort to find the good, because the bad seemed too overwhelming...when I thought "there HAS to be more to life than this struggle".

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:22 AM
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When I am fearful and confused and living in the future - and projecting (always negatively, of course) - these two things from a wise woman in my first year of recovery really helped:

1. Hold onto your chair and breath (10 very deep breaths).
2. Look at my feet, that is where my head should be.

When I don't live in the moment - I miss so many God-incidences going on right in front of me.

This saying really made me nuts in early recovery: "You'll know when you know". Today I understand, and for me it is very true.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

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Old 11-21-2008, 09:47 AM
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You are one of the most beautiful spirits I have met, I am sorry you are facing this and feeling so badly!

Love you always,
Tena
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:47 AM
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thanks for everyone's love & support

I believe I am at the point were I don't want to use or hear the excuses of "wait until after _____________"
which is why I made the list - there is always some reason to NOT leave.

Writing it out helps see the insanity - I can not continue to live in an environment that is not healthy for me and where I am miserable.

I don't know want to live anymore where I am constantly wiping the steam off my shower door to see if he is trying to get stuff out of my purse. I do not want to live where I stand on my door step saying a prayer before I walk in "God prepare me for the person he is tonite when I walk thru the door - if it's the user or the lovable husband/grandpa"

Many will think I'm a horrible person leaving or him leaving at this time of the year - But What others think of me is none of my business

like my other post - It's not my fault

I just want him to go but of course it's never that easy.

thanks again for the love & support - I know I'm gonna make it - it's just painful and heartbreaking

But This Too Shall Pass and No Matter What Me & My HP are going to be Ok even better than OK.
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Old 11-21-2008, 09:51 AM
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I admire your strengh Japic.
Now is the time?
Time to be free.

~Limiya~
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Old 11-21-2008, 11:08 AM
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Rita, you are one of the soul's whose light shines bright for me on this board...it is amazing to me that you consistently give so much, considering your daily life...
Let me remind you of your strength and love and 'Light
I am sorry you are struggling, but I believe you are finally ready to move on, more power to you, the right time is 'your time', no one else's...
Love and Light, Grateful
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Old 11-21-2008, 12:20 PM
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There's no time like the present.
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Old 11-21-2008, 03:18 PM
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OMG. Your post rings such a bell with me.

I learned that I would waste my lifetime waiting for the right time. I learned that I needed to make a plan and stick with it. And that will lead me to the right time, gradually, gently. I learned to set goals and making an action plan. I learned that every day I have to do at least one thing towards reaching my goal.

When I started focusing on the solutions, instead of the problems, things became easier for me. Focus on where you are going, not where you are. One step at a time. It seems less overwhelming to me. And the timing is always right when you do something - take small steps - towards achieving your dreams.
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Old 11-21-2008, 05:13 PM
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Rita - drop the A and add an E - and make it the RITE time! A lil silly poke to make you smile and support you while you are hurting.

The right time is different for everyone I suppose. Im sure there is a therapeutic clinical RIGHT time suggestion and then there is the way everyone else does it - in their own time and in their own way. I could tell you as could many others when the right time is..for each of us...when we got to that point.

For me - if it matters or helps - it was a death of the girl he cheated on me with and the stupid a** I was to help him thereafter while he spat hatred in my face. A 27 yr old eating disorder re emerged and I tore out my hair and hated myself. That was when I stopped living for myself and put him first...and I realized I too, would die with his addiction by being involved with a hateful sick person who did not and would not get well...whose bottom was not death of another - who does not have a bottom.

So hang in there and think...just think...the answers will come to you
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:03 PM
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You're right, when IS it going to be the right time? One morning my AH tried to cuddle with me - one of a handful of times I can count on one hand in 13+ years. It sickened me to have him near me, I had no respect or any good feelings towards this person anymore. I went out to the family room and sat there and thought... I can't do this anymore. I didn't have a plan, I just knew I couldn't do it anymore. He came out spouting how he felt about me leaving the bed when HE wanted to cuddle. Well, excuse me? I have been on the floor crying and begging for attention, affection, a little kindness how many times over the years and he had the nerve to stand there indignant? WTF?? I told him then I was done. THEN, a few weeks later the addiction came out.

You KNOW, when you KNOW. I think a plan would have been better, but it's done now, and with or without a plan - it will work out.

Hugs to you! Sending you strength and support to do whatever it is you need to do for sanity and happiness .... and a LIFE!
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Old 11-21-2008, 07:36 PM
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Wow hon, just now saw this........I wish there were words that could "fix" everything.....but then if words would do it you could sprinkle some around "him" right?

Anytime you want you just come on up here and hang out a few days!! I didn't see on the list the SR retreat though!! HA, I'm still all stoked to go.

You have my prayers, my thoughts and many many hugs and thank you's!!! You're quite a gal, you have helped me immensely!!!
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