starfish78

I am happy to have found this board and have learned a lot just by reading other posts.

My sister is an opiate addict, and without getting into all of the particulars, I would like to ask a pretty basic question. How do you talk with a loved one who is an addict? What is the line between seeming harsh and/or judgmental and complacency? My parents are useless in this situation, so my sister and I pretty much just have one another. She is planning on seeking help and I want to be able to say the right things to encourage her. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Chino

Sometimes the truth is harsh and there's no way to avoid it. The bottom line is that active addiction will lead to jail, institutions, or death. Sometimes all three. My daughter knows this so I haven't needed to say it. If she relapses again I will probably remind her.

What I have learned to say is, you know the next right thing to do and if you need my help, please ask.

Have you tried 12 step meetings?

winnie12

When truth is said with love and not judgment then there is no wrong way to say things.

OhBrother

My sister's addiction is opiates too. I've had to twice meet her in the courthouse after she got picked up for faking prescriptions, and I've recently had to talk her doctor into taking her back for a 2nd round of rehab. And that's just the recent stuff.
I never yell at her or berate her (though inside I'm wanting to throttle her) and I even try to keep the lecturing to minimum since all that just makes her shut down. I just try to tell it like it is: "ok you've screwed up but lets just get you back on track" or "I can't make you get up and go to work, but if you get fired I can't help you".
I can't say it always works, but even if half the time she ignores what I say at least the lines of communication stay open.

OhBrother

I also try being positive and upbeat when I talk to her, and try to check in a lot...probably to the point where she probably gets tired of hearing from me!
By the way, Starfish...I'd be curious to hear more of your sister's story if you find the time. Mine is 29, and I'm also doing most of the supporting at the moment, rather than my parents. Its not that they wouldn't want to, but they've put up with so much from her over the years, and they'd also overreact emotionally, which my sister doesn't react well to.

Stubborn1

Find literature and give it to her with a note that says "I love you and don't want anything to happen to you so I give you this with love"

marle

If an addict is not ready to hear it there really is nothing that you can say or do that will make a difference except to continue to let them know you love them. I know that I tried everything with my daughter. It was when I was able to just let her be that she was able to face her addiction problem and get help. But at the same time keep yourself safe. An addict will use any excuse to take advantage of their loved ones. When my daughter was active in her addiction, she knew that I knew the facts and so she was never able to get anything out of me. Now that she is in recovery I need to be just as vigilant with her. Hugs and prayers for your sister and you. Marle

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

I'm a recovering addict (RA), and a recovering codie (codependent). I was 2 hours away from my family, during my active addiction, and rarely saw them. The best thing they did for me, was to let me know they love me, but also let me hit bottom in my addiction. They didn't bail me out of consequences with money or any other way. When I got locked up, dad said "I love you and I'm sorry", but it was up to me to do the time.

They have a saying here, "say what you mean, but don't say it mean".

Marle is right...an addict will take advantage of anyone they can, to get what they need. The more you read/post here, the more you will be able to see what is actually helping and what is enabling. It's hard to step back and let someone you love fall, but when addiction is involved, it is absolutely the best thing you can do.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy