Just broke up with my alcoholic bf
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: preston,uk
Posts: 3
Just broke up with my alcoholic bf
Hi everyone, im glad i found this site. my recently x bf is an alcoholic, he knows he is but refuses to do anything about it. Ive been with him for 7years and im so upset that we are over. I get fed up when im with him because i hate the fact he is so dependant and killing himself, sometimes he is quite irrational and the smallest things have him in a rant. He has never been abusive though and through the day he doesnt touch a drop.Its at night he drinks, all night usually, then hes in bed most of day! obviously he has no job, he has anxieties about going out and hates being around lots of people.he says he got the anxiety problems anyway, nothing to do with alcohol!Anyway i v tried for 7 years to be with him but i get so down about him and where we are going and thinking i could watch him die etc.. that we split up. when im not with him, im just devastated! He rang me last night with solutions to some of our problems but i just dont know. I said to him get professional help and we will see. he said-could take year to get better so whats point going through the hurt of us splitting up and we not together until he better, i didnt mean "better' i just want him to try. anyway i said i cant just watch you do this to yourself and that was it.end. anyway im sorry to go on, now im thinking, should i stick by him or as people i know have told me, by staying with him im just saying "yes, its fine , carry on!" . Sorry,gone on a lot!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 115
Hi Amanda7,
I am so sorry that you are going through such a mess. I hope you might be able to read some of the stickies up at the top of this forum... they might help you recognise where you are at in this downward spiral that you have been riding for 7 years. Sometimes just educating ourselves about this disease can help snap us into reality and get our heads out of the fog that our favorite A has led us into.
You mentioned you would be ok for him to "try"... trying isn't doing... just a thought.
It sounds to me like he is still approaching you with the "help me I can't do it without you" "I need you for support/motivation/whatever" lines... Amanda7, if he is ready to enter recovery, he will do it weather you are in his life or not... please do not fall for this manipulative strategy that A's are so good at. If you do give in... again... than just as soon as things fall apart (and they will... again) he will use another favorite strategy called blame-shifting and "it will all be your fault"... again.
They can be very convincing, but none of his words matter until he lives it with or without you. His recovery is not dependent upon your presence in his life.
It seems like educating yourself more about this disease might help you understand where you are at in the process of it. I found the information on the link below to be helpful to me when I was starting to understand that I was caught up in a life with someone who was an A.
PAST
Another site that helped me understand this disease from a different perspective (my ex-favorite A used God as a way to promise me that he would get better and that was a really tough manipulative device for me to see through)
Christian Recovery Library
Once I started understanding alcoholism/addiction and some of the components of this disease, reading other people's stories here on SR... and starting to understand what the outcome of my life would be like if I stayed with my A (I kind of played out the scenarios if he actually went into recovery and stuck to it, if he refused recovery and continued in the disease, or if he decided to live out the recovery/relapse cycle) and I decided that staying with my A was too big of a gamble... I could not place my life and heart, and the lives and hearts of my kids, in the hands of someone I could not fully trust and I did not trust him to stay in recovery forever. The breakup of my marraige was about me... not him. My sense of self-preservation motivated me to go through and endure the trauma of another divorce. What is your sense of self-preservation trying to tell you?
I hope this helps a little... please keep coming back to SR.
I am so sorry that you are going through such a mess. I hope you might be able to read some of the stickies up at the top of this forum... they might help you recognise where you are at in this downward spiral that you have been riding for 7 years. Sometimes just educating ourselves about this disease can help snap us into reality and get our heads out of the fog that our favorite A has led us into.
You mentioned you would be ok for him to "try"... trying isn't doing... just a thought.
It sounds to me like he is still approaching you with the "help me I can't do it without you" "I need you for support/motivation/whatever" lines... Amanda7, if he is ready to enter recovery, he will do it weather you are in his life or not... please do not fall for this manipulative strategy that A's are so good at. If you do give in... again... than just as soon as things fall apart (and they will... again) he will use another favorite strategy called blame-shifting and "it will all be your fault"... again.
They can be very convincing, but none of his words matter until he lives it with or without you. His recovery is not dependent upon your presence in his life.
It seems like educating yourself more about this disease might help you understand where you are at in the process of it. I found the information on the link below to be helpful to me when I was starting to understand that I was caught up in a life with someone who was an A.
PAST
Another site that helped me understand this disease from a different perspective (my ex-favorite A used God as a way to promise me that he would get better and that was a really tough manipulative device for me to see through)
Christian Recovery Library
Once I started understanding alcoholism/addiction and some of the components of this disease, reading other people's stories here on SR... and starting to understand what the outcome of my life would be like if I stayed with my A (I kind of played out the scenarios if he actually went into recovery and stuck to it, if he refused recovery and continued in the disease, or if he decided to live out the recovery/relapse cycle) and I decided that staying with my A was too big of a gamble... I could not place my life and heart, and the lives and hearts of my kids, in the hands of someone I could not fully trust and I did not trust him to stay in recovery forever. The breakup of my marraige was about me... not him. My sense of self-preservation motivated me to go through and endure the trauma of another divorce. What is your sense of self-preservation trying to tell you?
I hope this helps a little... please keep coming back to SR.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
