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Old 11-17-2008, 07:33 AM
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Update

I believe my daughter is using again. We all know the signs; missing money, unexplained one minute phone calls to an unknown number, avoiding seeing me and when she does she avoids the direct eye contact, not looking bright and perky, etc. etc. She called last night and wants me to take her to Family Independence Agency so that she can get help paying the rent and her bills. Says not to tell the boyfriend because he might not understand. Also I know that in the last two weeks she had made $800, enough to pay her bills, pay for her hair, tanning, cigarettes, etc. Yet she says that she spent most of it on stupid stuff. She is coming over today because she wants to figure out what to do. She will be surprised when mommy does not have the answers she is looking for-as in a bailout. Sorry, no money here honey. The one thing that I know is that we gave her a way to stay clean this summer when we helped with rehab. She has the tools. So no guilt here. She will say we are her parents and we should help her out. We will say we are helping by letting her figure out her life by herself. And on it goes Hugs, Marle
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Old 11-17-2008, 07:45 AM
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(((((marle))))

I don't know what to say but I admire your strength and you and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers
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Old 11-17-2008, 08:01 AM
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(((Marle)))

I'm sorry she's getting back into that mess, but I admire YOUR recovery.

I had to "dabble" with the drugs, get tired of being broke and starting over again, before it finally sunk into my thick head that it just wasn't worth it. Even then, I had a BIG relapse and that's when I decided my way just wasn't working.

I hope she gets back on recovery road again, and soon.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 11-17-2008, 09:42 AM
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((Marle))
I am sorry to hear she is going down that road again...I have let my daughter back into my heart again as she chooses to move forward and shows how she is healing her life, and I know it could all change in a heartbeat and then I would have to take that agonizing step back again ...I keep an eye on that reality...
your recovery is so amazing, dear friend, and I know you will do exactly what you need to do, even so , I know how much it hurts....sending you some serenity and comfort and prayers for Megan...Hugs, Grateful
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Old 11-17-2008, 09:55 AM
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Marle, I'm so sorry you going through this again. I just wonder how many times before they wise up and don't like the way they are living. I throughly agree now that we do make a difference when the cash stops....so hopefully with your strong recovery and her mind~~~she can figure out she's making enough money to exist without you. Hope your visit goes well. Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 11-17-2008, 10:08 AM
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Marle, what a blessed gift you are giving your daughter-the dignity to make her own choices and live with the consequences of those choices, though she won't see it that way.

I am so proud of you, and what a shining example for other parents of addicted children you are! :ghug :ghug
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Old 11-17-2008, 10:10 AM
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marle, I'm saying prayers your visit goes well.

No matter what she says or does, I'm asking God to help you maintain your serenity.
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Old 11-17-2008, 10:37 AM
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(((marle))), thinking of you.
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Old 11-17-2008, 10:55 AM
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I have learned a lot from your posts, Marle. Just like this one- you have a plan- and it's a good one! Loving without enabling...

Hugs and prayers of strength to you!
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Old 11-17-2008, 10:58 AM
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Marle, I am so sorry you have to through this again.

However, YOUR RECOVERY is shining through.

Many was the time, before the door was finally closed on me, that I would go over to Mom and Dad's to talk to mom about 'solutions' to my 'financial problems' of the moment and leave with a check.

Thank God, she, like you got recovery, or I am sure I would be dead now for many years.

Prayers and good thoughts headed out for you and your family.

Love and hugs,
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Old 11-17-2008, 11:00 AM
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Aww Marle, I am so sorry but you are right. $800 is more than enough money to pay your bills. I find it very strange that anyone would spend their money on stupid stuff when they have bills to pay. If she doesn't like herself enough to keep a roof over her own head don't you like her anymore than she likes herself. No is a complete sentence. Stay strong!!!
Love,
Diane
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Old 11-17-2008, 12:19 PM
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Marle,
I pray you are wrong!! You are still such an inspiration, I admire your strength. Megan is so lucky to have someone like you as a mother.

my prayers for you and yours,
susan
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Old 11-17-2008, 03:28 PM
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Looks like the boyfriend is not making any money and Megan is buying all the gas and paying the bills. She told me that she told him today get a job or get out. I know this to be true because since she started dating him 5 weeks ago he has only gone to work 3 times. He is not an addict but is so insecure that he wants to be with her 24/7. When she came over I just told her that we are not in a position to help and she told me that was okay because she really does want to make it on her own. At about this time a slip fell out of her bag and it was a purchase for a $40 bottle of tanning lotion that she made today. So I think it is more of a case of spending foolishly than not having the money. She has at least 5 bottles of expensive tanning lotion that she bought when she was living with us so I know she does not need a new one. She just said that it has been a long time since she bought anything for herself. Well, kid, join the crowd. If I had $40 it would not be spent on tanning lotion. But then I am not a 22 year old recovering addict with the mentality of someone who is 18 Hugs and thanks to all who posted. I see we lost the thanks button. Marle
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Old 11-17-2008, 04:07 PM
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Marle,
Hugs to you, I know exactly the feeling you have right now, cause I have it too.

(Actually, today, I'm a tad angry, I just want to beat the stuffing out of both of my sons.
There....I feel better now.)


Hugs, and prayers that she's "just" spending foolishly,
and not spending on bad stuff.
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Old 11-17-2008, 09:32 PM
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Lots of hugs, marle and prayers for you and Megan as you continue on. Whether using or not, I think your position is right on - she's never going to learn if you pick up the pieces after her.
I was doing some cleaning over the weekend and came across some bank statements from 5 years ago. I was amazed at how many of the bills I was paying then that were not mine. It's no wonder it took my daughter so long to learn some fiscal responsibility. Words you spoke here helped me stop bailing her out. You said when you paid your Megan's bills, it only made her credit good so everyone wanted to loan her more money!

Hugs
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Old 11-17-2008, 09:48 PM
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The surest sign I had that my sister had relapsed was the sobbing 1:00 am phone call that she had left her purse on the train and lost $500 that she needed for her half of the rent, and could I please just spot her $100 till payday? Being only half awake I didn't say no, but I did say the only way I'd agree was if I could make a bank draft out directly to her landlord. She got sullen and lost all interest in help after that. Said she would "find a way to sort it out"
Thankfully those kinds of calls are a lot rarer than they used to be, so it really does seem to work when you make them realize they can come to you for support and advice, but not easy money.
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:55 AM
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I hope her life is just merely messy and unmanageable as a result of irresponsible "young person" behavior and not relapse. Time will tell. but either way, you seem to have learned how to handle this stuff really well!
take care,
sleepy
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:16 AM
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I would feel better knowing that she still cares enough to worry about a tan. Isn't that a silly thought! It's a crazy world when we feel some relief about that, isn't it? Only we could think like that!

My AS chooses to be clean right now, about two months, but to lay around and watch TV and brood. No good outcome here with that plan.......

My best to you and your family.
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Old 11-18-2008, 08:10 PM
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Greet, Megan is now trying to pay back $8,000 in bad credit debt. I also realized how much of my money went to help her stay in her addiction. With my 401K plan hitting bottom I sure wish I had some of that money back Hugs and thanks to everyone.
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Old 11-19-2008, 11:20 AM
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(((Marle)))

It sounds more like financial irresponsibility to me, but glad she told the BF to shape up, or ship out. Hmmmmm, wonder who she learned THAT from Way to go, mom!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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