For anyone who will listen....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
For anyone who will listen....
My exabf used to be my best friend. Maybe this is for me more then anything. Sometimes thoughts come to our minds and its better on paper then running around in our heads.
When our daughter was born she came VERY early. I went to a drs appt and had a stress test done. No big deal no need for him to take time off of work for a routine test so I went by myself told him I would call when I was done. He went to work. I went to dr had test and they sent me straight to the hospital. I called my ex frantic that something was wrong with the baby.
He met me at the hospital. Scared and very concerned for our baby we sat in that hospital for a week before the drs decided delivery was necessary for survival. That man stayed by my side until I was dishcharged.
We visited our baby everyday and night crying while holding her. Praying for her to get better and come home. When she did come home we were so scared to take care of her. Often spending nights awake because we were afraid to sleep.
Had many sleepless nights in hospitals because her health continued to be problematic. Slept in chairs and ate vending machine foods. But we did it together. At one point he was our rock. We knew the bond we shared was strong and sometimes that was all that we could do to keep from going crazy from wanting to help our baby.
This man loved my older children as he loved our baby. Taking the time to bond with them in different ways. Taking my 6 year old to the fire station so she could meet heros. Sitting on her bed at night telling her that he would always be there to protect us. Drawing pictures with her and hanging them on her wall. Taking my 13 year old on long walks just to talk. Letting a bunch of 13 year old girls paint his nails at her slumber party. Reading to the kids at night with funny voices. Getting dirty in the sand box. Making them a priority in life. Wanting to be an example for them.
One night at a family party he got drunk and my 13 year old saw him acting stupid. She confronted him the next day and told him how disgusted she was with his behavior. He NEVER DRANK AFTER THAT. He told me how ashamed he was of himself. He said he never wanted to see that disappointment in her eyes again.
One day when my 13 year old and him came back from a walk he was crying. I asked what is going on he said that she had told him that she loved him for the first time. I was in awe of him.
The days have passed when all we had to do was exchange a look that conveyed how much we loved each other. The days have passed when his ACTIONS proved he loved us and was here for the long haul.
Now his actions are only proving that his drugs mean more to him then what we had as a FAMILY. It wasnt just a relationship, or just a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, or a toxic relationship, or got to the point where we just couldnt get along. WE WERE A FAMILY. Committed to that family. And now its gone.
That is what I mourn for today. Days were we did matter to him. Times we knew that we were happy. Times where I looked at him and thanked GOD for him in our lives. Times where he would cry when the kids gave him a simple fathers day card. Times where he knew that he drug abuse was hurting me and the kids and he promised he would get help. I mourn for that man to come back. I mourn so deeply right now.
I am sorry this is so long but I just wanted to be able to read these words and know that is was real. I pray that GOD will keep him. I am letting go and letting HIM decide the outcome.
Thanks for reading.
When our daughter was born she came VERY early. I went to a drs appt and had a stress test done. No big deal no need for him to take time off of work for a routine test so I went by myself told him I would call when I was done. He went to work. I went to dr had test and they sent me straight to the hospital. I called my ex frantic that something was wrong with the baby.
He met me at the hospital. Scared and very concerned for our baby we sat in that hospital for a week before the drs decided delivery was necessary for survival. That man stayed by my side until I was dishcharged.
We visited our baby everyday and night crying while holding her. Praying for her to get better and come home. When she did come home we were so scared to take care of her. Often spending nights awake because we were afraid to sleep.
Had many sleepless nights in hospitals because her health continued to be problematic. Slept in chairs and ate vending machine foods. But we did it together. At one point he was our rock. We knew the bond we shared was strong and sometimes that was all that we could do to keep from going crazy from wanting to help our baby.
This man loved my older children as he loved our baby. Taking the time to bond with them in different ways. Taking my 6 year old to the fire station so she could meet heros. Sitting on her bed at night telling her that he would always be there to protect us. Drawing pictures with her and hanging them on her wall. Taking my 13 year old on long walks just to talk. Letting a bunch of 13 year old girls paint his nails at her slumber party. Reading to the kids at night with funny voices. Getting dirty in the sand box. Making them a priority in life. Wanting to be an example for them.
One night at a family party he got drunk and my 13 year old saw him acting stupid. She confronted him the next day and told him how disgusted she was with his behavior. He NEVER DRANK AFTER THAT. He told me how ashamed he was of himself. He said he never wanted to see that disappointment in her eyes again.
One day when my 13 year old and him came back from a walk he was crying. I asked what is going on he said that she had told him that she loved him for the first time. I was in awe of him.
The days have passed when all we had to do was exchange a look that conveyed how much we loved each other. The days have passed when his ACTIONS proved he loved us and was here for the long haul.
Now his actions are only proving that his drugs mean more to him then what we had as a FAMILY. It wasnt just a relationship, or just a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, or a toxic relationship, or got to the point where we just couldnt get along. WE WERE A FAMILY. Committed to that family. And now its gone.
That is what I mourn for today. Days were we did matter to him. Times we knew that we were happy. Times where I looked at him and thanked GOD for him in our lives. Times where he would cry when the kids gave him a simple fathers day card. Times where he knew that he drug abuse was hurting me and the kids and he promised he would get help. I mourn for that man to come back. I mourn so deeply right now.
I am sorry this is so long but I just wanted to be able to read these words and know that is was real. I pray that GOD will keep him. I am letting go and letting HIM decide the outcome.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
(((((((Cassandra)))))))
I'm so sorry for your loss. It was real, it was beautiful.
Be kind and gentle to yourself right now. Do something soothing for you. A walk, a bath, a cup of hot tea, a day on the couch...
Big big hugs
I'm so sorry for your loss. It was real, it was beautiful.
Be kind and gentle to yourself right now. Do something soothing for you. A walk, a bath, a cup of hot tea, a day on the couch...
Big big hugs
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
cassandra2,
I wish I had a magic wand to make him the man he was before addiction...
Sometimes a miracle happens when we least expect it, I hope that happens in his case.
Thinking of you, and praying for you, and the children....
I wish I had a magic wand to make him the man he was before addiction...
Sometimes a miracle happens when we least expect it, I hope that happens in his case.
Thinking of you, and praying for you, and the children....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
That is what I mourn for today. Days were we did matter to him. Times we knew that we were happy. Times where I looked at him and thanked GOD for him in our lives. I mourn so deeply right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I found that a part of my grieving process was not only working through those feelings of when it was good, but also coming to an acceptance of what it had become.
I'm sorry that you are hurting. The only way we can get past the pain is to walk through it. :ghug :ghug
I'm sorry that you are hurting. The only way we can get past the pain is to walk through it. :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 123
oh man can i relate,,i still struggle with who he was versus who he has become..its so hard.. for me ,, i know it will be a long time before i can think fondly of our time together with no pain attached to it..wishing it had turned out differently, sorry your going throug this...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Cassandra)))
What you had WAS real, but unfortunately, what you have with him now is also real.
Be gentle with yourself, and know that this sadness you are going through will not last forever.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
What you had WAS real, but unfortunately, what you have with him now is also real.
Be gentle with yourself, and know that this sadness you are going through will not last forever.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I am a believer that as addiction takes hold, it erodes free will, over time to the point that absolutely nothing matters other than the DOC.
Where we, the friends and family, get into trouble, is taking it personally.
Grief is a natural reaction to loss.
Where we, the friends and family, get into trouble, is taking it personally.
Grief is a natural reaction to loss.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Your post is beautiful. It is a good part of the grieving process. There doesnt have to be a death of a PERSON in order for us to grieve. It can be the death of a relationship, or of a dream, a future.
I'm sorry for your pain, but I am inspired by your ability to express yourself. Hopefully you and your children are able to talk and you'll be OK no matter what happens with your exabf. All you can really do is give him up to his HP.
Miracles do happen. They happen every day. Sometimes they aren't packaged the way we expect them to be, but they can happen.
BIG hugs
Cats
I'm sorry for your pain, but I am inspired by your ability to express yourself. Hopefully you and your children are able to talk and you'll be OK no matter what happens with your exabf. All you can really do is give him up to his HP.
Miracles do happen. They happen every day. Sometimes they aren't packaged the way we expect them to be, but they can happen.
BIG hugs
Cats
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
I believe in miracles. I am waiting for ours. I have faith and believe we will get back to that family we once were only we will be better, stronger and have each other to get us through not dependence on something that is not real.
Thanks for all of your responses. I am glad that I can come here and write this and receive understanding and encouragement. I have lost friends over this and it saddens me that they fail to understand what you all do.
Thanks for all of your responses. I am glad that I can come here and write this and receive understanding and encouragement. I have lost friends over this and it saddens me that they fail to understand what you all do.
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