Dreams that hurt ...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 113
Dreams that hurt ...
I'm having a real problem with dreams.
I WAS getting some relief from the pain and heartache at least while I was sleeping, but lately, my dreams are hurting me just as much as the daytime thoughts and doubts - maybe even more.
The problem is not bad dreams - it's actually the exact opposite. I am having VERY REALISTIC FEELING dreams about things going the way I wish they would. For example, last night, I dreamed that I woke up to find my ex had come home - he was cooking me breakfast and when I asked what he was doing here, he apologized for all the hurtful things he'd done to me, and began to actually DO things to make it right - fixing things he'd broken, being thoughtful like he used to be, etc. It was basically like a normal day ... how things SHOULD have been, how they COULD be ... how I WANT them to be. It felt so real ... I was so happy ... and then, I woke up ... I actually LOOKED for him - that is how real the dream felt. When the realization that it was just a dream hit, it was the most intense pain flooding back. It was the kind of pain that I felt when I found out he had a new girlfriend - my heart shattered and I became a sobbing mess. I had to go back to sleep for a few hours just to get the pain to go away.
This is not the first time ... this has been happening almost every day for the past week - today's was just the most intense and affected me the most dramatically. It's like he doesn't even have to be here to continue to hurt me. During the day, I consciously try to talk myself out of moments of sadness and pain - I force myself to see the reality - I journal, I just distract myself sometimes - but I cannot stop the dreams - by the time I realize what is happening, it's too late - I'm awake and the hurt slams me into reality.
I have often had dreams like this, and they often are about things that didn't go as I wanted, and I re-create the outcome I wanted in my dreams ... I've also had dreams before (many years ago and nothing related to what is going on here) that felt so real that I woke up believing whatever I dreamed had actually happened ... but nothing like this ... not the combination of the two ...
Now, I'm not getting any reprieve from my pain ... I go from hurt to numb to hurt again ... and now, to add insult to injury, I'm ecstatically happy only to have that happiness ripped away from me when I wake up ... it's like a fresh heartbreak every morning that this happens.
I wonder ... has anyone else experienced this before? Does anyone have any suggestions on what (if anything) I can do to prevent this from happening? I am dealing with enough already without feeling as though my heart has been freshly ripped out of my chest each morning when I realize that everything I've dreamed has NOT happened, that he is still gone, that he isn't sorry, and that he doesn't love me ... and the very real feeling of happiness quickly evaporates and I'm filled with unbearable grief all over again ...
I feel like I'm very close to losing my mind ...
I WAS getting some relief from the pain and heartache at least while I was sleeping, but lately, my dreams are hurting me just as much as the daytime thoughts and doubts - maybe even more.
The problem is not bad dreams - it's actually the exact opposite. I am having VERY REALISTIC FEELING dreams about things going the way I wish they would. For example, last night, I dreamed that I woke up to find my ex had come home - he was cooking me breakfast and when I asked what he was doing here, he apologized for all the hurtful things he'd done to me, and began to actually DO things to make it right - fixing things he'd broken, being thoughtful like he used to be, etc. It was basically like a normal day ... how things SHOULD have been, how they COULD be ... how I WANT them to be. It felt so real ... I was so happy ... and then, I woke up ... I actually LOOKED for him - that is how real the dream felt. When the realization that it was just a dream hit, it was the most intense pain flooding back. It was the kind of pain that I felt when I found out he had a new girlfriend - my heart shattered and I became a sobbing mess. I had to go back to sleep for a few hours just to get the pain to go away.
This is not the first time ... this has been happening almost every day for the past week - today's was just the most intense and affected me the most dramatically. It's like he doesn't even have to be here to continue to hurt me. During the day, I consciously try to talk myself out of moments of sadness and pain - I force myself to see the reality - I journal, I just distract myself sometimes - but I cannot stop the dreams - by the time I realize what is happening, it's too late - I'm awake and the hurt slams me into reality.
I have often had dreams like this, and they often are about things that didn't go as I wanted, and I re-create the outcome I wanted in my dreams ... I've also had dreams before (many years ago and nothing related to what is going on here) that felt so real that I woke up believing whatever I dreamed had actually happened ... but nothing like this ... not the combination of the two ...
Now, I'm not getting any reprieve from my pain ... I go from hurt to numb to hurt again ... and now, to add insult to injury, I'm ecstatically happy only to have that happiness ripped away from me when I wake up ... it's like a fresh heartbreak every morning that this happens.
I wonder ... has anyone else experienced this before? Does anyone have any suggestions on what (if anything) I can do to prevent this from happening? I am dealing with enough already without feeling as though my heart has been freshly ripped out of my chest each morning when I realize that everything I've dreamed has NOT happened, that he is still gone, that he isn't sorry, and that he doesn't love me ... and the very real feeling of happiness quickly evaporates and I'm filled with unbearable grief all over again ...
I feel like I'm very close to losing my mind ...
Last edited by lovesmenot74; 11-04-2008 at 01:05 AM. Reason: misused the term "lucid" so I removed that word
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I wish there was a quick fix. Something my mother told me when my first husband left and I was so filled with anxiety and depression, "it just takes time." She was right. It took a lot of time. I had to heal. My heart was broken and just like a bone it took time to mend. I had just signed up to join the Coast Guard and I got really involved in that. I still hurt a lot but staying busy, hanging out with good people was really what helped me to heal.
About two years later I met the man that I am married to now. He is exactly the kind of person I needed and because I was patient and spent time working on making a better me I was able to find this wonderful man.
You can do this.
About two years later I met the man that I am married to now. He is exactly the kind of person I needed and because I was patient and spent time working on making a better me I was able to find this wonderful man.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
The whole dream thing does get better in my experience.
Are you on any medication? I get pollen allergies seasonally and the stuff they put me on for that makes me have weird dreams. You might run this by your Dr., even if whatever you're taking is only OTC meds.
A point of clarification, a LUCID dream is a dream where you realize you are dreaming, and can control your dreams (at least to a degree), so I do not think you are having lucid dreams.
Lucid dream - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Are you on any medication? I get pollen allergies seasonally and the stuff they put me on for that makes me have weird dreams. You might run this by your Dr., even if whatever you're taking is only OTC meds.
A point of clarification, a LUCID dream is a dream where you realize you are dreaming, and can control your dreams (at least to a degree), so I do not think you are having lucid dreams.
Lucid dream - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by dgillz 
The whole dream thing does get better in my experience.
Are you on any medication? I get pollen allergies seasonally and the stuff they put me on for that makes me have weird dreams. You might run this by your Dr., even if whatever you're taking is only OTC meds.
A point of clarification, a LUCID dream is a dream where you realize you are dreaming, and can control your dreams (at least to a degree), so I do not think you are having lucid dreams.
Lucid dream - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Are you on any medication? I get pollen allergies seasonally and the stuff they put me on for that makes me have weird dreams. You might run this by your Dr., even if whatever you're taking is only OTC meds.
A point of clarification, a LUCID dream is a dream where you realize you are dreaming, and can control your dreams (at least to a degree), so I do not think you are having lucid dreams.
Lucid dream - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
And yes, as soon as I posted, I realized I was using the term "lucid" incorrectly ... so I edited the post ... I definitely do NOT know I'm dreaming ... I feel like it's really happening ... not sure if there is a term for that but I don't like it ...
I either need to stop them, or be able to sleep forever so that I can have my happy ending ...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
I believe we have to work through all that is happening around us and fortunately or unfortunately, that continues in sleep. Sometimes my best inspirations have come when I was dreaming. I also know how it feels to think isn't that wonderful and then realize, it ain't real! : (
Maybe trying to think of these pleasant dreams as one more step and affirmation that you are moving towards something that is positive and that consciously or subconsciously you recognize what happiness and peace look like will help. Maybe your dreams are trying to help you see.... this isn't what I have and I need to keep moving towards that goal. Hugs to you and a good night's sleep.
Maybe trying to think of these pleasant dreams as one more step and affirmation that you are moving towards something that is positive and that consciously or subconsciously you recognize what happiness and peace look like will help. Maybe your dreams are trying to help you see.... this isn't what I have and I need to keep moving towards that goal. Hugs to you and a good night's sleep.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I suffered from insomnia and night terrors for years, it almost drove me crazy because I did not want to fall asleep knowing that I would go through it again.
It stopped when I acknowledged my fears, faced them head on and walked through them.
When we are sleeping our minds get to work on things that we tend to stuff when we are awake. Our minds get to form the story and take it to a conclusion that may not resemble real life at all. I think it is a way of processing information that we avoid when awake.
Perhaps you need time to mourn the loss of what might have been but isn`t. to process the loss of your dreams of how life would be if you got to control the outcome, and the loss of the man you loved to addiction.
It`s okay to mourn our losses, taking time to process the grief. Just don`t hang out there too long because it can be a dark place and stepping back into the light of day, the light of reality, just may be a safer way to get through these sad times.
Hugs
It stopped when I acknowledged my fears, faced them head on and walked through them.
When we are sleeping our minds get to work on things that we tend to stuff when we are awake. Our minds get to form the story and take it to a conclusion that may not resemble real life at all. I think it is a way of processing information that we avoid when awake.
Perhaps you need time to mourn the loss of what might have been but isn`t. to process the loss of your dreams of how life would be if you got to control the outcome, and the loss of the man you loved to addiction.
It`s okay to mourn our losses, taking time to process the grief. Just don`t hang out there too long because it can be a dark place and stepping back into the light of day, the light of reality, just may be a safer way to get through these sad times.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Acceptance is a tough step in life, with any situation that becomes out of our control. It seems to me sometimes that the strongest people I know take the longest to accept change, as if they can somehow MAKE it all go their way because they are SO strong.
Acceptance that things have changed, that they will not be returning to "the way things were or might have been" was truly a time of grief for me several times in my life with several different life-altering experiences. It was also the start to better days, better nights, and a better future overall.
Add time to acceptance, and you will heal. It's the "getting there" that hurts so much, but it will happen, sweetie. Be patient with yourself, but also do some daytime thinking, some daytime acknowledging of life as it actually is. Also consider counseling, posting here more often, and face-to-face meetings with others who will help you to acknowledge your reality while awake. Sending hugs and prayers
Acceptance that things have changed, that they will not be returning to "the way things were or might have been" was truly a time of grief for me several times in my life with several different life-altering experiences. It was also the start to better days, better nights, and a better future overall.
Add time to acceptance, and you will heal. It's the "getting there" that hurts so much, but it will happen, sweetie. Be patient with yourself, but also do some daytime thinking, some daytime acknowledging of life as it actually is. Also consider counseling, posting here more often, and face-to-face meetings with others who will help you to acknowledge your reality while awake. Sending hugs and prayers
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 58
I was having some of those kinds of dreams recently. They SUCK - because they are so real - and then you wake up and go "Ugh - didn't happen, did it?" and start to get bummed out about everything. This was about 3 - 4 weeks into the breakup of my AGF and I. When the dreams really started was after I had had some contact with her and "got my hopes up" - that things were going to be different, and we'd be an "us" again - only to be severly let down and disappointed a short time after seeing her.
So - one day - i finally said "enough is enough". No more moping around about this. No more wondering what she was doing - or why she ever did or said any of the things she did or said to me. I was going to MOVE ON. And, for a few days - I did just that. Started talking to some new people; was doing things the "old me" used to enjoy doing. And I had no more of those dreams. Even got a few really good nights sleep in the process.
Of course, a few days ago - we talked. And I'm beginning my ascent up a big hill on the rollercoaster ride once again. I can hear that chain clicking...and fear when it's time to crest that thing and shoot down the other side, again.
So - one day - i finally said "enough is enough". No more moping around about this. No more wondering what she was doing - or why she ever did or said any of the things she did or said to me. I was going to MOVE ON. And, for a few days - I did just that. Started talking to some new people; was doing things the "old me" used to enjoy doing. And I had no more of those dreams. Even got a few really good nights sleep in the process.
Of course, a few days ago - we talked. And I'm beginning my ascent up a big hill on the rollercoaster ride once again. I can hear that chain clicking...and fear when it's time to crest that thing and shoot down the other side, again.
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