Alaia

My abf's mother called me last night. abf had brought his son to her house for the day so he could play with her youngest son (they are the same age). She was looking for abf because he took money from her wallet. She left her purse on the table and he got into at some point. His father also said they are missing a compressor from their shed. She asked me to call a friend that my abf said he was going to see while he was in town. I did and I already knew that the friend works on sundays and that he also wasn't speaking to my abf after he had stolen from me. (he is one of my good friends as well) So I let her know that he lied about seeing the friend. Abf had told me he was on the way to a meeting after he dropped off his son. She told me to watch out cause of the money, ect. and most likely he wasn't going to the meeting. So I give him a call and it goes right to voicemail, then I call again and I can tell he is on the other line with someone. So I text him and tell him we need to talk, answer the phone. I get no reply. then finally he says he's at the meeting, can't answer the phone. I took a chance and texted him back saying I know your not at the meeting because I am here and your not. Well, it busted him because he didn't respond for about 15 minutes. Comes up with some crazy story about how a drug dealer he owes money to was at his parents house threating to slash all the tires on the car (2 new ones I just bought a month ago!) if he didn't pay him. So I guess the guy left (yeah right?!) and Abf went inside to find some $. (good thing mom only had $20 in her wallet) so we get into a huge fight about all of this last night. I tell him I want him out. He needs to return the car and get his stuff. I packed it for him. He says he is now at the meeting (the time table doesn't match up for me cause I know how long it should have taken him) I tell him it's over, get out ect. His parents and my parents want me to kick him out. He comes home and I tell him he can sleep on the couch and that I will drop him off at the train in the am before work.

So this morning I wake him up. He had 2 interviews today to go to but I wanted him gone. I can't stand it anymore. He fights with me, gets in the shower and continues to beg me to let him go to his interviews, sticking to the story about the drug dealer is why he stole from his mom. I told him he should have called the police but he claims you can't do that and that the dealer would go back to his parents and slash their tires and stuff. I don't believe him. I remember a few of you telling me actions speak louder than words. so I go outside and start my car, grab his backs and put them on the deck and take the keys to the other car (both in my name) and put them in my purse and bring it to my car. I go back into the house and we fight some more, mostly me telling him to get out. so then he goes outside and I think he's gonna take my car (keys are in it and its running) so I chase him down the stairs and open passenger side but he grabs my bag, gets his keys and tries to take the other car. I blocked the drivers side and told him he wasn't going to his interviews and he was yelling at me. he went to the passenger side and I opened the door and sat in the drivers seat so he couldn't leave. I tried to call the police but he grabbed my phone from me so now he had the phone and the keys. i tired yelling to the guy waiting at the bus stop with his kids but he ignored me. so he came closer and I jumped out and kicked him, got my phone but he pushed me out of the way and jumped into the car and I tried to stop him by blocking the door so he couldn't shut it. I was half in the car so he started to drive away and he pushed me out of the car and took off.

I don't know what to do. He has court on wednesday and wants to stay at the house. I don't want him there. should I just let him stay to find out his fate on wednesday? I can't believe we got into this huge fight like this. I hit him and kicked him, he hit me back or anything. I feel like maybe i should go to the police and get a restraining order on him so that when he does come home from his interviews tonight they can just make him go away and leave me alone, but then he will be homeless and most likely not make it to court on wednesday. :wtf2

liesagain

sorry your going thru this

I've heard all the "I had to" "I owed the dealer"
its all part of the deal with the active addict. The truth is he stooped to another low and he wants an excuse so he is working on you from the fear aspect......you'll be afraid the big bad dealer will hurt him.
Its garbage


Its said that we become as sick as they are, and it becomes evident when we do things like fight or grab keys or jump into or out of a moving car or a car someones trying to leave in........and it can and will get worse

you cant stop him from using and your not the cause of his using but he can and more than likely willl bring you down with him
please stick around and others will be along soon with encouragement strength and hope

Alaia

Thank you. I am off to the police station (which was my first thought this morning) to get the restraining order so that when he comes back, he will be forced to leave. I guess I just needed a little re-asurance on what the right point of action would be at this point.

Chino

Call the police and report your car stolen. You may not realize it but if anything happens while he's driving it, you are ultimately responsible for it. You could even face bankruptcy if you don't have enough insurance to cover a catastrophic wreck.

Is he worth that?

laurie6781

He STOLE your car. He went into your purse, took the keys and STOLE the car.

Report it as stolen IMMEDIATELY. Then go get your restraining order.

I hope and pray that you are tired of the 'drama' that surrounds him and you as long as he is in your life.

You deserve much better than this!

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Impurrfect

I agree on reporting your car stolen. We A's have a nasty habit of renting cars out for dope....and a lot of the time, you won't get it back, or it will have damage.

And, as Chino said, anything that happens in that car can reflect on you if you don't report it as stolen.

I'm glad you've had enough. You did what you felt was best, gave him more than enough chances, and now it's time to let him fall and take the consequences.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Alaia

He is actually on my insurance as the primary driver of that car, but I did report it stolen last night.

Alaia

Yes...I am tired of the drama. I don't know what I was thinking when I got on the roller coaster for another ride. It always ends the same way.

Alaia

No one knows where he is. I thought he would come home last night after the interviews and say he was sorry and go off to his meeting (even though I was still going to make him leave) but he didn't. I went to the meeting looking for him. He is the coffee maker and was to be there early but I waited and waited and he didn't show. One of the members took my # and said they would call me if he showed up so I could get the car back, and told me to go straight to the pd and report it stolen. He even called me at the end of the meeting to see if abf might have come home. So I went to the PD and reported it. PD from his parents town went to their house went to see if he was there, but he wasn't.

His ex (mom of his child) hasn't heard from him and has checked with friends. No one knows where he is. This is so stressful.

GwenMarie30

Most likely he is with the drug dealer. If you have any inkling as to where he gets his drugs from maybe have the cops look there for your car. Have the cops search hotel parkinglots for your car. DO you live in a small town maybe? ANd Id be careful of telling his buddies at NA meeting that you reported your car stolen. They may very well tell him and he will just trash and ditch the car to get back at you. So try to keep this between you, your family, his mom that he stole from, and the cops. I think he'd never imagine that you'd report the car as stolen so he may be careless. And if you find the car before thecops do, PLEASE call the cops to let them arrest him. He needs to pay for his actions. Whats Grand theft to an addict? Do not let him in or come face to face with him from this point. For your own safety. He stole your car whos to say what he may do next. But just understand its just a car. A least its covered by insurance. At least this may be the final straw for you. The faster you get him out of your life the less you have to deal with this. Its just stuff but at least you are ok at least physically. You are at a stand point now where you get back on for another ride, or run the other way for some peace of mind.
I hope you get your car back one way or the other. I pray for your strength to keep moving away from the addict.

Alaia

Actually, I only told 1 guy at the meeting and he talked to 2 others who i know well from going to the meetings and they were helping me. I see your point though.

He is from a city about an hour away from my house, so i figure that's where he went. Idk if there is much I can tell the police that I haven't already told them. I don't know any of his dealers or where they are from except close to Boston itself. And I will be calling the police to have him arrested. Enough is enough. he has court tomorrow from forging my checks he stole.and I hope he shows up there with the car and I will have the police take care of it. I am also going to get that restraining order tomorrow while I am at the courthouse.

Who was that lady who used to be on tv..Suzanne Powers or something and she was always saying Stop the Insanity...well thats where I am and I am in control of that, so the buck stops here.