I need some advise on my daughters addiction
 

Lets see where do I start.My daughter has a 3 year old son that she has lost custody of due to here drug addiction in Rhode Island. She was given a chance with him by dcs because he came up possitive when he was born. She was supposed to be straight and take drug tests regular and she would come up possitive. She and the babies father were not working and living in a hotel my ex husband was paying for. He paid over 15 thousand dollars for her to stay in a place so she would not loss him. She then did loss him do to the drug tests and my stepmother stepped in and fostered him for a year and she never straightened out.
my ex has now adopted him and she does not even call him.
O.k. now here is the real problem. She got pregnant again and she did straighten out for the time of the pregnancy and she had a wonderful baby girl in June. In jully she started calling me to take her daughter cause she could not handle her. Now I have had her daughter for the last few months because she started using drugs again and admitted it to me. Her babies father and her were smoking crack in the same room as her daughter. This was a shock to me because I thought she had straightened out for her daughter. She also admitted that she was selling the formula to suport her habit. This the father also said. On top of this she is bi polar, and manic depressic.
I have custody now of her daughter and she has been told yesterday she must sumit to a 90 day hair drug test. She must prove that she is on her meds and if thay happens then she can get her daughter back. This scares me what if she does not stay straight. We live in 2 differant states her R.I. and me ct. If she gets her back i m not sure whats gonna happen. She also would leave her daughter alone in a 5 apartment building while she parted on the porch. My daughter has siezures on crack and hurts herself. Are there anyway to make this right. She now denies everything. Someone lean me in the righty direction I feel like this is ripping my insides apart. thanks

What a heartbreaking situation for everyone.

All things considered, I wonder if she will follow though on her own, get tested and do whatever else the court needs her to do to regain custody of her child, assuming she is able to get and stay clean.

Try and take it one day at a time. You may be worrying about something that may never happen.

Hi newengland, If your daughter gets her child back I bet that social services will be keeping an eye on her for a while. Thats what happens here in NY. They show up at random times unannounced. Don't fret what hasn't happened yet cause you surely can drive yourself batty. Sorry to hear that your having such a rough time now but hopefully things take a turn for the better. Hugs, Bonnie

I am sorry if this sounds blunt, but I think you should put your feelings and the babies feeling before her. She has had her chances.

If you keep the baby, she might feel bad.
If she gets the baby, she might go on drugs again, the baby might be hurt or worse, and you would really, really hurt. In fact, you might never forgive yourself for letting the baby go back.

What makes me really, really mad and sad. about this, that there are so many women the world over, myself included, desperate to have their own baby. Yet people like this can be blessed with a child. However, if I tried to adopt an addict baby, I would probably be out through months and social security checks, and then turned down because I am too old. It is so not fair.

Do what you feel safe with. Could you also get more support from other family members so that this can be discussed and a united front put on that voices the same opinion. It seems unfair you have to deal with this and she may get very manipulative.

Good luck
B
x

Just from what you've told us, I'd highly doubt she passes the hair follicle test.

I'm sorry. Crack is a horrible drug and I have seen it turn people into monsters. It is easier to take it day by day when it comes to dealing with crack addicts. Trust your daughters actions not her words. We are here to support you no matter what happens. God bless you and the babies.

I agree with Freedom. I don't think that she will pass the test. Either way you need to take it one day at a time. I am sure if she could not handle the baby before, she won't be able to now. And DCS will stay on top of it and the first slip-up and the baby will be taken again. Welcome to SR. Lots of good experience and strength here. Hugs, Marle

wow. yeah crack is the devil's candy. its horrible. my boyfriend of 3 years...sweetest guy i knew started smoking it a year ago. he has done and said things you would never imagine. he is also manic depressive and very adhd. crack worsens these types of things. crack turns people into liars, stealers and very manipulative people. and from what i've observed and what hes told me....you cant trust a word they say, even if they genuinely mean it. she probably wont pass the test, i agree. but i completely feel for you. its just so so sad.

((Newengland))

Welcome to SR, but I'm sorry for the reason you are here.

I am a recovering crack addict, and I highly doubt she is going to pass the hair follicle test. If she does, children's services will be watching her closely.

I had to hit bottom before I got into recovery. I had no one pay for a hotel room, and I was homeless. I lived that way for over a year. I am also a huge codie (codependent) and wanted to solve everyone's problems. I had to leave my XABF (ex addict boyfriend) because he was still doing crack.

As hard as it is, she is an adult and she needs to face consequences for her using. It's the only way most of us find our bottoms and realize the only way to go is up.

I'm glad the babies are being taken care of by people who love them. I know you love your daughter, but it's honestly time to let her find her own way.

Many people here have gotten a tremendous amount of support through al-anon or nar-anon. It will help you put your focus back on you and your granddaughter.

Whether or not you go to a meeting, the people on this forum are awesome and there are many who are raising grandchildren for the same reason, so you are not alone.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

newengland,
I am so glad you found us, welcome to Sober Recovery.

IMO, I would just concentrate on your beautiful grand daughter, and let your worries about you daughter go by the wayside. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she is going to pass a follicle test any time soon.

And, if you have legal custody, this will be not decided by you, it will be decided by the courts.


I know it's hard, but try the one day at a time.

Hugs...

Welcome. I agree with all above and that the only ones you need to worry about is you and the baby. Odds are she won't pass any test but you can't spend time projecting on the future. One day at a time is all we can do.

Hugs,

I am a mother who could be in the same situation any moment. My AD KNOWS that is I ever KNOW or SUSPECT any drug use or unsafe environment I will call protective services.

The babies can't take care of themself, and when in their addicition our children will hurt anyone in the way, including an innocent child.

My prayers,
susan