I was living in La La Land
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
I was living in La La Land
Yeah, realize it now! I just had it in my mind that my AD was gonna get out of jail, get her life back on track. Have these twins, work to get the other two back and everything is be good. Ha. LOL. I just woke up. Found out that ADBF is NOW going to get time, finally. He was busted while on parole. He may be looking at 6 months to a year. So here is my daughter, in jail, pregnant with twins, no job, no money and no where to go with the babies. The ADBF's sister and everyone else is telling AD to call me. Yeah, me the rescurer. But she refuses. She has not contacted me since she went to jail. Or for that matter, only twice in the last 6 months since I got her two kids.
I am really messed up about this, on one hand, I want to give her and the babies a fighting chance. On the other hand I am scared that she will leave the babies with me and take off. I CANNOT take care of anyone one else. Little background --57 years old, raising her two children ( 3 and 5). Husband is double amputee, does nothing, work (or use to ) full time. I am worn out. I know I am not suppose to what if, but when I get exhausted, like I am now. My mind does not respond to the program. I am getting ready for the 3 years old to have her tonsils out tomorrow. So I will have my hands full for the next few days with a sick child. I know I will wait til it all comes down and handle it the best way I know how, but right now I am sick of my whole life. Or rather the lack of my life. Guess, I need to start all over with step one. Cause I keep wondering how God could fix all of this madness. I know I can't and I can't see how He can either. I don't see a way out. One day at a time.
Go ahead guys, give it to me. I need you all the set me straight. Waiting. Love to you all.
April
PS. Forgot to add. She is going to have to have a C-section, probably while she is in jail. So what will happen to babies then? My supportive (NOT) husband keeps saying they should be given up for adoption. That would break my heart. Wish I could turn my mind off.
I am really messed up about this, on one hand, I want to give her and the babies a fighting chance. On the other hand I am scared that she will leave the babies with me and take off. I CANNOT take care of anyone one else. Little background --57 years old, raising her two children ( 3 and 5). Husband is double amputee, does nothing, work (or use to ) full time. I am worn out. I know I am not suppose to what if, but when I get exhausted, like I am now. My mind does not respond to the program. I am getting ready for the 3 years old to have her tonsils out tomorrow. So I will have my hands full for the next few days with a sick child. I know I will wait til it all comes down and handle it the best way I know how, but right now I am sick of my whole life. Or rather the lack of my life. Guess, I need to start all over with step one. Cause I keep wondering how God could fix all of this madness. I know I can't and I can't see how He can either. I don't see a way out. One day at a time.
Go ahead guys, give it to me. I need you all the set me straight. Waiting. Love to you all.
April
PS. Forgot to add. She is going to have to have a C-section, probably while she is in jail. So what will happen to babies then? My supportive (NOT) husband keeps saying they should be given up for adoption. That would break my heart. Wish I could turn my mind off.
Last edited by painter; 10-28-2008 at 07:16 AM. Reason: addition
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Wow....that is a lot for one person to have to handle. I "only" have one AS to deal with . I am awed by the strenth that you have to deal with it. Yet there still will be times, like now when you think "just when I thought it couldn't get worse".
I'm not an expert and others will be along to give better advice, but are there any social services that can help you in some way so you can get some sort of a break. Your daughters children are blesesed to have a grandmother who is loving and caring for them, but you need to find a way to help yourself somewhat...sometimes easier said than done.
Prayers and angels definitely being sent your way.
I'm not an expert and others will be along to give better advice, but are there any social services that can help you in some way so you can get some sort of a break. Your daughters children are blesesed to have a grandmother who is loving and caring for them, but you need to find a way to help yourself somewhat...sometimes easier said than done.
Prayers and angels definitely being sent your way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Yeah, dad.
I have what is called TANF. Which is help with day care. I could not survive without being able to work. So the kids are in day care from 8:30 to 5, just so I can work. Pick them up, and start what I call my nite job. Dinner, baths, bedtime , cleaning washing. All the usual stuff. But......thanks for caring. April
I have what is called TANF. Which is help with day care. I could not survive without being able to work. So the kids are in day care from 8:30 to 5, just so I can work. Pick them up, and start what I call my nite job. Dinner, baths, bedtime , cleaning washing. All the usual stuff. But......thanks for caring. April
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Painter)))
I'm so sorry you're still going through all this. If a family member does not take the twins, they will likely go to foster care. A girl I was on the streets with, had a 3-year-old, who lived with the father, then gave birth to twins. She tested positive on her drug screen (as did the twins) and DFCS took the babies. On a good note, that was apparently her bottom because last I heard, she was with all 3 kids, and working her recovery program.
I know it's hard to believe that anyone can "straighten out" this mess, but HP can. I've finally realized that I never see the "plan" in my life until it's hindsight. I'll feel like I'm drowning, but when I look back, I see the whole picture and realize there really WAS a plan and it worked out okay.
There's nothing wrong with saying "I've had enough"..in fact, that's a good thing
Good luck with the little one and surgery.
Hugs and prayers for you all!
Amy
I'm so sorry you're still going through all this. If a family member does not take the twins, they will likely go to foster care. A girl I was on the streets with, had a 3-year-old, who lived with the father, then gave birth to twins. She tested positive on her drug screen (as did the twins) and DFCS took the babies. On a good note, that was apparently her bottom because last I heard, she was with all 3 kids, and working her recovery program.
I know it's hard to believe that anyone can "straighten out" this mess, but HP can. I've finally realized that I never see the "plan" in my life until it's hindsight. I'll feel like I'm drowning, but when I look back, I see the whole picture and realize there really WAS a plan and it worked out okay.
There's nothing wrong with saying "I've had enough"..in fact, that's a good thing
Good luck with the little one and surgery.
Hugs and prayers for you all!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
You are a blessing to the babies you are caring for, and to your AD. She doesn't realize it but one day she will.
Let the cards fall! She is 'safe' in jail, she will receive medical attention and the longer she is there the better chance she and the babies will have. I know this isn't what you want, but for now, for today, it is what is needed. Who knows, maybe the reason she refuses to call you is she is struggling and working through her own mind.
Don't give up, but don't make it right for her. I did that many, many times and only when I 'let go' and had enough did things change!
my best
susan
Let the cards fall! She is 'safe' in jail, she will receive medical attention and the longer she is there the better chance she and the babies will have. I know this isn't what you want, but for now, for today, it is what is needed. Who knows, maybe the reason she refuses to call you is she is struggling and working through her own mind.
Don't give up, but don't make it right for her. I did that many, many times and only when I 'let go' and had enough did things change!
my best
susan
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Dear April, OMG honey I don't know how you are continuing to function. I know I had something a little similiar happen when my son needed a place to live a few yrs ago. I would have given him a chance But Jim was totally against it & I listened to Jim. Looking back I am glad did cuz all he has done is go back & forh like a yo yo the last few yrs. It must be so very hard having to sit back & accept what ever your daughter does. You have my prayers for you & everyone in the family.
Love,
Diane
Love,
Diane
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
painter,
OMG! What a handful for you! I really don't know how you do it.
Try one day at a time, all the rest God will figure out one way or another.
I cannot tell you how many times I have set myself up, by imagining the future. Then when it's all over and everything came together, I tell myself, You know, that worrying about what will be, is a waste of valuable time.
Hugs, you're a terrific grandmom...
OMG! What a handful for you! I really don't know how you do it.
Try one day at a time, all the rest God will figure out one way or another.
I cannot tell you how many times I have set myself up, by imagining the future. Then when it's all over and everything came together, I tell myself, You know, that worrying about what will be, is a waste of valuable time.
Hugs, you're a terrific grandmom...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
[QUOTE=Impurrfect;1960606
There's nothing wrong with saying "I've had enough"..in fact, that's a good thing Amy[/QUOTE]
This is the best advice of the day.
I am overwhelmed with what's on your plate and marvel at your ability to keep so many plates twirling at the same time. If you add any more to the mix, is it likely they will all come tumbling down, upon you?
It really is OK to decide that you have enough going on and cannot take on more.
There's nothing wrong with saying "I've had enough"..in fact, that's a good thing
Amy[/QUOTE]This is the best advice of the day.
I am overwhelmed with what's on your plate and marvel at your ability to keep so many plates twirling at the same time. If you add any more to the mix, is it likely they will all come tumbling down, upon you?
It really is OK to decide that you have enough going on and cannot take on more.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Just reading your post made me feel exhausted. You have so much on your plate. It's tough raising kids on your own. Or raising grandkids. Just hang tough. The tide ebbs and flows. This too shall pass. etc. etc. (My favorite qote is by Dori in the movie Nemo: "just keep swimming, just keep swimming... swimming... swimming...")
As long as you just keep swimming, everything will be ok.
So yes. Let the cards fall where they may for your daughter and her twins. Put them God's hands. Your hands are full. He will handle it.
As long as you just keep swimming, everything will be ok.
So yes. Let the cards fall where they may for your daughter and her twins. Put them God's hands. Your hands are full. He will handle it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 230
Hugs to you. I've often thought of what would happen if I had to have the grandkids full time. I really, really don't think I could do it on a day to day basis. My heart goes out to all of you that are doing just that and God Bless you. I would have to accept adoption or foster care as the best thing for my grandkids with hopefully some grandparent rights.
Have some neighbors who have taken over raising their two grandchildren. They had traveled to Florida a few times, bought a house they were going to retire to (at least for the winter) and now they have this. They aren't allowed to take the kids out of the state for more than two weeks a year so they ended up selling the house in Florida. Now they will be spending their "golden years" raising grandkids. I just don't think I could do it.
Hugs and as all have said before this worrying won't solve anything. We have to go one day at a time.
Have some neighbors who have taken over raising their two grandchildren. They had traveled to Florida a few times, bought a house they were going to retire to (at least for the winter) and now they have this. They aren't allowed to take the kids out of the state for more than two weeks a year so they ended up selling the house in Florida. Now they will be spending their "golden years" raising grandkids. I just don't think I could do it.
Hugs and as all have said before this worrying won't solve anything. We have to go one day at a time.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You are an amazing lady and already have your hands full.
It took a long time for me to realize that "we" don't have to be the only solution. Maybe give this to God and sit this one out.
Hugs
It took a long time for me to realize that "we" don't have to be the only solution. Maybe give this to God and sit this one out.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Painter, Sounds like you have your hands full and thats a good thing. You will be rewarded for raising those lil huys but to take on more would probably not be healthy for you or your hubby. Something will come alomg in time and you know what~~~~the foster care program here in NY is pretty good and your daughter would have the choice of straightening out and getting the kids back or not. Its up to her~~not you!! Big hugs and extra strenght to get through the days. Smiles, Bonnie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Thanks ALL.
It makes me feel better that someone can see that I am dancing as fast as I can. No one here seems to notice. I AM gonna leave it up to God, it's the letting it go part that slows me down. Ha. Took little Taylor (3) to hospital today for pre-op. She was so adorable. Nurse took her BP, she wanted to know what the machine was, I told her it was a pretty machine, to tell how pretty she was. When the nurse finished she asked Taylor how pretty she was, She said VERY. Thought the nurse was gonna fall in the floor. So there is alot of sunshine in my life, Please prayers for Taylor during her surgery and recovery. Thanks gals and guys. I love you all. You are my strength and touchstones. April
It makes me feel better that someone can see that I am dancing as fast as I can. No one here seems to notice. I AM gonna leave it up to God, it's the letting it go part that slows me down. Ha. Took little Taylor (3) to hospital today for pre-op. She was so adorable. Nurse took her BP, she wanted to know what the machine was, I told her it was a pretty machine, to tell how pretty she was. When the nurse finished she asked Taylor how pretty she was, She said VERY. Thought the nurse was gonna fall in the floor. So there is alot of sunshine in my life, Please prayers for Taylor during her surgery and recovery. Thanks gals and guys. I love you all. You are my strength and touchstones. April
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((April)))))) Those precious moments are what makes it all possible, aren't they? You are such a wonderful woman to be there for these little ones. You have more than enough on your plate for sure!
I found such relief when I finally figured out (well, most times...I still struggle sometimes) that when I give something over to God, i don't have to give him directions on what to do with it!
Hugs and lots of prayers for you and very pretty little Taylor!
I found such relief when I finally figured out (well, most times...I still struggle sometimes) that when I give something over to God, i don't have to give him directions on what to do with it!
Hugs and lots of prayers for you and very pretty little Taylor!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Just wanted to let everyone know that little Taylor was such a trooper. Never cried once. But was so funny. They gave her a liquid that was gonna make her relax and boy was she funny. Weaving all over the place, putting the puke bag on her head and kept telling me that she loved me. She was adorable. But she is doing good. Throat hurts and she hates the medicine, but fine.
Heartbroken that AD never called to see about anything. Has she thrown these children away? Just can't get my mind around how she is thinking. But I have never been on drugs. So.....Thank all for you support and caring, April
Heartbroken that AD never called to see about anything. Has she thrown these children away? Just can't get my mind around how she is thinking. But I have never been on drugs. So.....Thank all for you support and caring, April
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