What are the chances.....
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
What are the chances.....
of a frequently dialed number that nobody ever picks up and has no voice mail (only something that says the voice mail box for this number has not been set up) is a drug dealer.
Found "Ali's" number dialed 3 times in one minute intervals then, low and behold, a call back that lasted 32 seconds. Then, a phone call to me telling the grocery store was a mad house and he'd be home in a little while.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Found "Ali's" number dialed 3 times in one minute intervals then, low and behold, a call back that lasted 32 seconds. Then, a phone call to me telling the grocery store was a mad house and he'd be home in a little while.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
I am so sick of this. I can't take much more of the lies and the broken promises. My kids don't respect me and my little one is still young enough that I should just forget about this whole marriage thing and quit holding my breath and waiting for the man I married to show up. Thanksgiving weekend will be a year since he went to detox the first time. Is a year of chances enough?
Yesterday I noticed some more of my stuff and my children's things missing. Of course he says they got pawned a long time ago. Maybe he did but I can't forgive him. I don't know what I'm going to say to the children when they ask where their speed skates are. I don't know what to say to anybody anymore.
Yesterday I noticed some more of my stuff and my children's things missing. Of course he says they got pawned a long time ago. Maybe he did but I can't forgive him. I don't know what I'm going to say to the children when they ask where their speed skates are. I don't know what to say to anybody anymore.
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
When I read this I said "Whoa!" ... no really, I did! My old connect has a "voice mail box that has not been set up yet" I guess it becomes annoying for a dealer when you get message after message after message about the same thing.
Hmmm....
Hmmm....
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
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Now I'm dumbfounded. My husband said this guy who is supposedly a gold dealer, has a keyosk (sp?) right next to his in the mall where he works. My AH runs a jewelry repair business so I can see where a gold wholesaler/dealer and him would have things to talk about......but, the phone number is not a local phone number and the guys VM says what I told you it does.
Now....AH named the business which is verifiable. I was at a Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight and my phone starts vibrating. It's THE GUY returning my call. Of course he didn't leave a message even though I HAVE voice mail. Interesting.
I wonder if he returned the calls I made from my office earlier today and got the Voice Mail there....for the LAW FIRM I work for. He's probably illegal and pooping his drawers.
Don't worry. Unless ALI and AH have had long conversations about me, which I doubt they have (out of sight out of mind), this would not be a topic of conversation and so what if it is. AH will know that he can't keep BS'ing me and that I've reached my limit.
Sorry, rambeling. I just don't care.
Now....AH named the business which is verifiable. I was at a Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight and my phone starts vibrating. It's THE GUY returning my call. Of course he didn't leave a message even though I HAVE voice mail. Interesting.
I wonder if he returned the calls I made from my office earlier today and got the Voice Mail there....for the LAW FIRM I work for. He's probably illegal and pooping his drawers.
Don't worry. Unless ALI and AH have had long conversations about me, which I doubt they have (out of sight out of mind), this would not be a topic of conversation and so what if it is. AH will know that he can't keep BS'ing me and that I've reached my limit.
Sorry, rambeling. I just don't care.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Awww, Mrs. Magoo, it just gets old, doesn't it. I know that when my "codar" went up and I suspected something was going on, it usually was. Maybe not exactly what I thought, but using just the same.
The thing is, he will change or not change, that's just how it works, and leaves us sad and nervous on the sidelines. I don't remember if I was more nervous when my son was just "out there" and using, or when he was clean and I was afraid he would relapse and start using again. That was MY insanity.
The only thing that helped me regain my sanity and that helped the pain of fear that gnawed away inside of me each day, was to go to meetings, get a sponsor and begin working a program that literally saved my life. The 12 step program led me out of the darkest place I have every been and gave me my life back...even though my son is still lost in his addiction somewhere.
My prayers go out for your husband, and for you too. It's hard being us sometimes.
Hugs
The thing is, he will change or not change, that's just how it works, and leaves us sad and nervous on the sidelines. I don't remember if I was more nervous when my son was just "out there" and using, or when he was clean and I was afraid he would relapse and start using again. That was MY insanity.
The only thing that helped me regain my sanity and that helped the pain of fear that gnawed away inside of me each day, was to go to meetings, get a sponsor and begin working a program that literally saved my life. The 12 step program led me out of the darkest place I have every been and gave me my life back...even though my son is still lost in his addiction somewhere.
My prayers go out for your husband, and for you too. It's hard being us sometimes.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
(((HUGS))) to you ........ I know this feeling all too well. One of the many worst parts of all this is when we feel like we are going crazy...... as if we are having a tug of war with what our gut and intuition is telling us.
I too know the feeling of just wondering just how much I can take.... how much more do I need to reach my bottom. ALL too well......
BIG LOVE xoxoxo
I too know the feeling of just wondering just how much I can take.... how much more do I need to reach my bottom. ALL too well......
BIG LOVE xoxoxo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
The first time my son disappeared, he left his phone and I called back someof the phone numbers. Got that same 'no mailbox set up msg' and one return call where the guy said 'yo dude...ready to party'.
You know what's going on MM and it hurts. Prayers and hugs going out to you.
You know what's going on MM and it hurts. Prayers and hugs going out to you.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Callie - I thought you were kidding!!!!
Actually, I talked to the guy today. I've been hammering his phone from different numbers, some of them blocked, some of them from my law firm, some of them from my cell. He finally called me back and I asked him where in the mall he was located (because AH told me he worked in the store right next to his) and he said "excuse me?". I said "What wing of Cross Creek Mall is your store in?" and he said, "You have the wrong number, I don't work at no mall!". BUSTED.
Talked to a private investigator today. I can have him under surveillance or I can get him pulled over in a traffic stop for being in a suspicious neighborhood and have his person and car searched.
Hmmmmm, decisions, decisions.
Oh, and he called me today to tell me that whatever it took, he wanted to do whatever it took to save our marriage. I asked him exactly what he thought it would take but he said that conversation was not for the telephone and when he comes home this weekend, we can talk about it.
Of course I know he's doing the typical addict thing, killing me with kindness, keeping me close, keeping me pacified with flowers and promises because he knows I can ruin his world very quickly if he pi##es me off.
I'm so tired of this. I hope I'm close to my rock bottom cause there are not enough massage therapists or muscle relaxers in this town to take the tension I carry between my shoulders and low back from kicking my butt every single day.
Actually, I talked to the guy today. I've been hammering his phone from different numbers, some of them blocked, some of them from my law firm, some of them from my cell. He finally called me back and I asked him where in the mall he was located (because AH told me he worked in the store right next to his) and he said "excuse me?". I said "What wing of Cross Creek Mall is your store in?" and he said, "You have the wrong number, I don't work at no mall!". BUSTED.
Talked to a private investigator today. I can have him under surveillance or I can get him pulled over in a traffic stop for being in a suspicious neighborhood and have his person and car searched.
Hmmmmm, decisions, decisions.
Oh, and he called me today to tell me that whatever it took, he wanted to do whatever it took to save our marriage. I asked him exactly what he thought it would take but he said that conversation was not for the telephone and when he comes home this weekend, we can talk about it.
Of course I know he's doing the typical addict thing, killing me with kindness, keeping me close, keeping me pacified with flowers and promises because he knows I can ruin his world very quickly if he pi##es me off.
I'm so tired of this. I hope I'm close to my rock bottom cause there are not enough massage therapists or muscle relaxers in this town to take the tension I carry between my shoulders and low back from kicking my butt every single day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
I'm so tired of this. I hope I'm close to my rock bottom cause there are not enough massage therapists or muscle relaxers in this town to take the tension I carry between my shoulders and low back from kicking my butt every single day.
What I don't understand is this........... why do they do those hush presents? Why do they even want to keep us around when all we do is make it more difficult for them? Wouldn't it just be easier on them when we aren't giving a care to the choices they are making? I ask my guy if he actually gets a thrill out of it all? Making up lie after lie to get away with what he wants to do? Wouldn't it just be easier on him to just ultimately make that choice to have his drugs and only his drugs?
And then I know I"m supposed to just let him get on with it and keep to myself - but I can't help but think that just makes it easier on him to use!!!!!
I DON'T BLINKING GET IT??????????
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I agree. Although my faith in God is HUGE and I know He's going to get me through this, one way or the other, I know I should detach. I know I should "let go and let God", I know I should concentrate on ME. What that feels like to me is ignoring the problem. If they are passed out in the middle of the floor, do we just step around them? I get the not enabling and to me, not enabling is not letting them get away with the lies. Not letting them continue to manipulate and humiliate us. Not continuing to let them steal from us, emotionally and financially.
I hate that I love him. I hate that I still see a shred of the man I fell in love with and although I know I need to tell him to move on and leave me and the kids alone forever, I'm afraid that he'll get his act together and he'll resent me and love someone else the way he used to love me..
How stupid is that?
I know the answer to your question about appeasing us but my 2 year old keeps grabbing my hands off the keyboard and demanding to eat so let me get to you on that one! (via a post from Nytepassion - my hero)
I hate that I love him. I hate that I still see a shred of the man I fell in love with and although I know I need to tell him to move on and leave me and the kids alone forever, I'm afraid that he'll get his act together and he'll resent me and love someone else the way he used to love me..
How stupid is that?
I know the answer to your question about appeasing us but my 2 year old keeps grabbing my hands off the keyboard and demanding to eat so let me get to you on that one! (via a post from Nytepassion - my hero)
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Deep down in your heart of hearts you know the truth and yet you are not ready to let go of your own denial ... Out of love or out of fear? Both right?, but mostly fear. If you embrace the truth whole heartedly then you know what must follow C H A N G E and you will have to be the one to do it.
Change is a scary (fear of the unknown), but change is a must if we plan to rise above the circumstances. You are on a path that will require change and your journeying towards it .. You may slow the process down, but you can't stop it from happening. You are fighting a war that isn't yours to fight and you can't win it for him. Acceptance awaits you when you are ready to surrender.
You'll have had enough when you've had enough
I'm here for you my friend and I love you very much,
Passion
Change is a scary (fear of the unknown), but change is a must if we plan to rise above the circumstances. You are on a path that will require change and your journeying towards it .. You may slow the process down, but you can't stop it from happening. You are fighting a war that isn't yours to fight and you can't win it for him. Acceptance awaits you when you are ready to surrender.
You'll have had enough when you've had enough
I'm here for you my friend and I love you very much,
Passion
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Originally Posted by MrsMagoo 
of a frequently dialed number that nobody ever picks up and has no voice mail (only something that says the voice mail box for this number has not been set up) is a drug dealer.
Found "Ali's" number dialed 3 times in one minute intervals then, low and behold, a call back that lasted 32 seconds. Then, a phone call to me telling the grocery store was a mad house and he'd be home in a little while.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Found "Ali's" number dialed 3 times in one minute intervals then, low and behold, a call back that lasted 32 seconds. Then, a phone call to me telling the grocery store was a mad house and he'd be home in a little while.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
"If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck."
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
I know, I know. I can't find that PM you sent me about why they need US or someone in general.
I'm getting closer and closer to getting where I need to go. He's trying so hard to reel me back in.
I'm getting closer and closer to getting where I need to go. He's trying so hard to reel me back in.
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