He Blames Me That I Won't Allow Him To Be A Father!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
He Blames Me That I Won't Allow Him To Be A Father!!!
This was AH accusation yesterday. I feel like texting him so bad, but what good will it do. (Please God help me not do that!) He walked out on our son for drugs and other women last year, and now blames me that I won't allow him to be a father.
Now he has supervised visits. The man that supervises the Wed. visits doesn't show up. I supervise Sat. and I also supervised the Wed in the past when the other guy wouldn't show up, until the judge told me last month if he doesn't show up, no visit. 2 weeks ago he left them unsupervised. for 2 hrs, I was angry! The last 2 weeks he hasn't showed at all. So...maybe its he that doesn't allow him to be a father on Wednesdays.
This man had a third chance in life w/ a 3rd child. The other 2 he ignored for years through his drug abuses. His oldest he has no relationship w/ at all.
His 19 yr old, is just now coming around accepting his ammends, but for years she was hurt and angry w/ him. I had always encouraged him to be a good father. Always encouraged him that son needs him in his life SOBER!!
I did tell him long ago that if he stayed drug free we could work on agreeing to unsupervised visits. We go back to court Next Monday. In his stupidity, he's requesting joint custody (I have sole custody now), and he's requesting unsupervised visits. But I know he hasn't remained sober even the past year since unsupervised visits began.
He doesn't understand he is the only one responsible for crippling his time and relationship w/ our son!!! How can I get that in his head? He And if he thinks the way he does, how much recovery does he have? I guess we will see. This is his big chance to prove himself.
Thanks for listening. AH never listens to me.
Now he has supervised visits. The man that supervises the Wed. visits doesn't show up. I supervise Sat. and I also supervised the Wed in the past when the other guy wouldn't show up, until the judge told me last month if he doesn't show up, no visit. 2 weeks ago he left them unsupervised. for 2 hrs, I was angry! The last 2 weeks he hasn't showed at all. So...maybe its he that doesn't allow him to be a father on Wednesdays.
This man had a third chance in life w/ a 3rd child. The other 2 he ignored for years through his drug abuses. His oldest he has no relationship w/ at all.
His 19 yr old, is just now coming around accepting his ammends, but for years she was hurt and angry w/ him. I had always encouraged him to be a good father. Always encouraged him that son needs him in his life SOBER!!
I did tell him long ago that if he stayed drug free we could work on agreeing to unsupervised visits. We go back to court Next Monday. In his stupidity, he's requesting joint custody (I have sole custody now), and he's requesting unsupervised visits. But I know he hasn't remained sober even the past year since unsupervised visits began.
He doesn't understand he is the only one responsible for crippling his time and relationship w/ our son!!! How can I get that in his head? He And if he thinks the way he does, how much recovery does he have? I guess we will see. This is his big chance to prove himself.
Thanks for listening. AH never listens to me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
my response to him would be "tell it to the Judge" and nothing else.
present the facts and let the judge decide. then if he complains tell him its the judge he needs to convince not you. i find it really helpful to have the legal system in the mix because they dont look at things with the emotion we can have and only look at the facts. you have to be an advocate for the best interest of your child not his attorney in court. If he really deserves unsupervised visits or joint custody then he needs to convince the judge. honestly even if you did agree it sounds like the judge may not
present the facts and let the judge decide. then if he complains tell him its the judge he needs to convince not you. i find it really helpful to have the legal system in the mix because they dont look at things with the emotion we can have and only look at the facts. you have to be an advocate for the best interest of your child not his attorney in court. If he really deserves unsupervised visits or joint custody then he needs to convince the judge. honestly even if you did agree it sounds like the judge may not
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
your AH is not going to listen to you...he's still wanting to blame all his consequences on someone else.
I agree with Winnie....let the judge handle it. If your AH calls or texts, I would just tell him "I'm not discussing this with you right now...see you in court". I won't say it's EASY, and if you're like me, you'll have to bite your tongue and disconnect quick
Sorry he's being a jerk, but I'm glad your son has you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I agree with Winnie....let the judge handle it. If your AH calls or texts, I would just tell him "I'm not discussing this with you right now...see you in court". I won't say it's EASY, and if you're like me, you'll have to bite your tongue and disconnect quick
Sorry he's being a jerk, but I'm glad your son has you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 230
I don't think you'll ever get it into his head. I agree with the others in letting the judge handle it. My first AH had unsupervised visitation with his two daughters every other weekend. As a rule he was never home, out drinking, so they spent most of the time with their step-mother and half-brothers. When my AD was 14 she decided she didn't want to go anymore since her dad didn't care if they were there or not and she didn't like her step-mother. She had started telling her dad that she thought he didn't care enough about them to give up one day of drinking when she was about 12. He thought I had put that opinion in her head. Then when she decided not to go anymore he decided to go to court, thinking I had again influenced her. Judge listened to her, said she was old enough to make her own choices and agreed she didn't need to go unless she wanted to. I couldn't get it through his head either that it was HIM that was making the decision by the choices he made. She never bought him a Father's Day card either after she got old enough to make that decision. Again, both dad and step-mother were appalled and swore I had influenced her. I was the one that had bought all the cards for years before that, why would I change. He just couldn't and wouldn't see it was his choices.
Good luck.
Good luck.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Over the last year I have got back in touch with my daughters father. She is 13 now (was 12 when I contacted him) and he hadn't seen her since she was a baby. This was all my fault of course too.
He use to say things to me like 'she'll understand how hard you made it for me etc...' and you know, all that she understands is that she has a father, who is more like her friend, that she calls him by his name, rather than Dad and that it has been me who has been there for her when she has had a hard time in life.
Kids aren't dumb and (drinking) alcoholic fathers are dillusional and selfish.
He has never even paid a cent in child support because his name is not on the birth certificate. Taking time out of his drinking scheduel to go and fill in the forms never happened.
He's a sick man and I can say that now, without it keeping me awake at night and feeling resentment towards him nor planning how if I see him while driving my car, I'll run him over.
He use to say things to me like 'she'll understand how hard you made it for me etc...' and you know, all that she understands is that she has a father, who is more like her friend, that she calls him by his name, rather than Dad and that it has been me who has been there for her when she has had a hard time in life.
Kids aren't dumb and (drinking) alcoholic fathers are dillusional and selfish.
He has never even paid a cent in child support because his name is not on the birth certificate. Taking time out of his drinking scheduel to go and fill in the forms never happened.
He's a sick man and I can say that now, without it keeping me awake at night and feeling resentment towards him nor planning how if I see him while driving my car, I'll run him over.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
The judge ordered today that I supervise both visits now.
Wed 3:30-8:30pm.
Sat 1-7pm if he doesn't work, 3-7pm if he works on weekend.
God Help Me!
The judge ordered that he get a drug test at a specific rehab this week.
The judge ordered Halloween 2 hrs, and Thanksgiving 4 hrs.
I was very upset to find out in court today that he is also back to an old bad psychiatrist, and back on zanax! He was on this stuff 5-7 years, got off of it March 2007, and went to a better psych. Now he's back to the quack, only because there isn't a good psych in this town that would give him zanax, due to his drug history.
This is a psych that most script drug addicts go to, he gives them anything they want.
And percocet also. Lord knows what else. Thats all he admitted to, I guess that was enough for the judge to not give him unsupervised visits. My lawyer got "no reply" from his primary physician.
I have to supervise the visits because there is no one else to do it, and judge feels that son should still have his father in his life, but safely.
NH7
Wed 3:30-8:30pm.
Sat 1-7pm if he doesn't work, 3-7pm if he works on weekend.
God Help Me!
The judge ordered that he get a drug test at a specific rehab this week.
The judge ordered Halloween 2 hrs, and Thanksgiving 4 hrs.
I was very upset to find out in court today that he is also back to an old bad psychiatrist, and back on zanax! He was on this stuff 5-7 years, got off of it March 2007, and went to a better psych. Now he's back to the quack, only because there isn't a good psych in this town that would give him zanax, due to his drug history.
This is a psych that most script drug addicts go to, he gives them anything they want.
And percocet also. Lord knows what else. Thats all he admitted to, I guess that was enough for the judge to not give him unsupervised visits. My lawyer got "no reply" from his primary physician.
I have to supervise the visits because there is no one else to do it, and judge feels that son should still have his father in his life, but safely.
NH7
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I'm sorry needinghelp. that is really lame. Why do YOU have to supervise the visits? That seems crazy to me. If he wants to have visits, he should have to get his own supervisor.
Hang in there.
If he doesn't pass the drug test, are the visits canceled?
Hang in there.
If he doesn't pass the drug test, are the visits canceled?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
I think I would have your lawyer submit something to the effect that its unbearable stress on you and the child to supervise these visit. Can you maybe get another relative or maybe talk to your local child protection agency to see if they could appoint someone for you? I dont think you should have to be in his presence. I dont think there would be any quality time spent when he is just badgering you. And I dont think Id let him get his own supervisor. He's liable to find someone as unstable as he is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Judge wants me to supervise the visits because there isn't anyone else.
AH has no one, and i know no one who would do it.
We go back to court Dec 9th, thats when we will know what the results to his drug test are. The judge will make a decision accordingly again then.
I told the judge how stressful this has been on me.. He still ordered it this way.
I have to ACCEPT it this way for now....not easy.
AH has no one, and i know no one who would do it.
We go back to court Dec 9th, thats when we will know what the results to his drug test are. The judge will make a decision accordingly again then.
I told the judge how stressful this has been on me.. He still ordered it this way.
I have to ACCEPT it this way for now....not easy.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
I would really recommend that you have some other adult come along with you for your safety. Not only physical safety but who knows what kind of things he could go back to court and say ............like you were rude or fighting with him during the visit or interfered with his visit .......just be safe and cover yourself you wouldnt want anything to happen that made the judge give him unsupervised
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
He's going to go back into a zombie-like condition. For 4-5 years he was on the combo of hydrocodone and xanax, he began to look drunken every day the 3rd yr of our marriage. I had no clue as to the effects of pills, he always bragged he was taking them as prescribed (yes and prescribed to a NA..not good), but ya know that back pain and panic attacks 
, and then he disappeared to the streets to do crack 2 times to many. Lord knows how many times since. I just don't like this. I'm having a sleepless night again, I always have to find out things about him the hard way, and it's always disappointing.
Percocet and xanax, I assume will be a worse combo because I believe percocet is a stronger opiate.
He sabatoges everything.
, and then he disappeared to the streets to do crack 2 times to many. Lord knows how many times since. I just don't like this. I'm having a sleepless night again, I always have to find out things about him the hard way, and it's always disappointing. Percocet and xanax, I assume will be a worse combo because I believe percocet is a stronger opiate.
He sabatoges everything.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
